arent hashtags WWEEEEIIIRRRDDD?????

I mean I guess the way you USE them is what makes them weird...but let's talk about selfies for a second.

I was about to call them girl selfies, but SOME MEN DO THEM TOO. So while the ladies are totally mega overrepresented in this category, that is not to say that the brosephines (pronounced bro-seh-phah-knee, in case you are confused for some reason such as lack of brain wrinkles, so all you've got in your noggin is a smooth pink lump of flesh. ew) are not relevant as well.

I'm talking about when... wait,.... if I do a hashtag ON MY BLOG will it link itself??? #testing #thisistheonlytimei'lleverusehashies #itsactuallyprettyfun #canyoureadthisentirewordwithouttrying?Wow,only2%ofbrainscandothat!Ifyoucanreadthisyouareinthetop2%smartesthumanbeings!ReblogandShare!

Or something or other.....


Anyway, so we'll see if that links itself. Because you see, hashtags on facebook now WORK, which is THE WORST NIGHTMARE for those of us who shake our heads at those who insisted on using them even though it WASN'T TWITTER. and now facebook has gone and REWARDED these nincompoops with ACTUAL hashtags... it is our nation's greatest tragedy since mini golf began costing 8.95 for a round of 18.

Let's reach our point, for once and for all. I'm talking about when people take selfies and tag themselves with like #brunette #blueeyes #longhair #tittiesfahdays #ifyoulikethisphotoImightgiveyouabeej #hahaomgwhatImeantbeet #thedelicioushealthyrootvegetable #amItalkingaboutbeetsoryourpenisIforgot #omgBeccapleasestoptalkingaboutpeniseswe'vehadenough

haha sorry got a little carried away there. But like the first three, those are like, real life ones. And you know, they continue, like #shortshorts #girlswithnoserings #girlswithplugs #hipstergirls #girlswithskirts , you know what I mean, I'll cut myself off here for the sake of us both.

So my point.

MY POINT IS LIKE, WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS? I know why! It is so that people LOOKING for "shortshorts" or "blueeyes" or "hipstergirls" will find THEM. I guess I'm making these very feminine instead of masculine because that is what I would argue at least 75% of these perpetrators are, and I will explain why it is more significant when women do it in a moment.

well the moment is now. Okay, it's more significant when a GIRL tags herself with things like #browneyes #longlegs #tattooedchicks, she is being searched for by men who are LOOKING for pictures to masturbate to. What tthe fuck ELSE are they doing looking up specific ass criteria. I think this is weird that girls would willingly and intentionally tag themselves in manners that will make them SHOW UP for these masturbatory search results. I mean unless the photo is meant to be sexually suggestive or like that's what you're going for and everything. If that's your intention that's FINE. But I guess it's...it's not always suggestive photos! It's regular, everyday selfies (because you know, these are people that take them everyday) that they like... are encouraging masturbation to! I'm not... I dont mean to do slut shaming or anything -  I don't believe in that and I don't think that's what i'm doing. But I think I am not thinking outlandishly... I think girls know that men will search these terms and I think it doesn't take a rocket scientist (or valedictorian) to figure out what men are looking for when they're entering descriptive search items into an internet search bar....or what their goal is, either.

I think this is different from when men tag themselves cuz I guess I think women enter those search items more.... to look at and creep on the sort of men they are attracted to, rather than to touch themselves to various random single images of these men. I think it's a difference in the way male and female brains are wired, and obviously I'm applying sticky labels to label-phobic surfaces. But lately I've been trying to apologize less for my opinions because hey they're my opinions so fuck you if you disagree! You know what I mean? Like kind of, but not really. Like, of course not fuck you if you're offended, but fuck you if YOU are thinking "fuck her"  for MY opinions. Then I am rubber and you, my hater, are GLUE!!!

Okay.

I haven't been blogging a lot because I've been stupidly happy and stuff so I tend to blog less when I am stupidly happy and stuff! But then I blog again and remember how much I love it and then I blog more because I am happy. So hopefully I will be seeing you all again soon, and Happy Independence Day (I saw someone say "why are people pointing out that it's the fourth, when it is far more important that today is Independence Day?" or something to that effect, and I think that's a good point so I revised my greetings for the day!)

Therrre sheee goessss, there she goes again!

Here's a funny status:

Haha okay so this made me laugh because this is what my inner monologue said: "Oh brilliant insight, person. That's like.... that's so groundbreaking I'm really glad you interrupted everyone's little homepage scroll with that game changing huuuuuuge turn of events. Tell us more though. Tell us about how 'you shouldn't buy cases of bottled water because it's an atrocious waste of plastic even if you do recycle it, so you should just buy a reusable water bottle and refill it' haha oh wait no never mind tell us more about how 'What happened, was' and 'What is, is being what it is right now, currently'.  Hahahahahahahahaha oh dear. For reals though. Like why are you typing words if those are the flacid-ass ones that you're producing?? Gimme a fucking break. If you have nothing interesting to say, you are definitely not supposed to say something anyway and assume that everyone is dying to hear your opinion on the latest event in your irrelevant life. I mean okay that's a little bit harsh, all of our lives are irrelevant really, but at least the worthwhile people only blab about stuff that's moderately interesting or... you know, thought provoking. Not just words. Like this blog, it's mostly just words. But I feel like they are good words.... Anyway, if you're reading this many of them, I would hope to gosh that you feel the same way!!




Now let's get to some actual funny words!!! Hehe, I am just so proud of my sister for being funny because sometimes she really flops you know she tries okay she really tries but sometimes you just go
-___- you know what i mean???? Haha anyway check dis shit out, how funny is this:::

Okay so... context. Um, so I jokingly said "i wish i had a sister" and then she said that. And she was referring to a picture of someone I saw from school, who was posing with her BIOLOGICAL sister, the two of them sporting separate sorority shirts, with a caption celebrating their ability to still love each other whilst simultaneous participation in (gasp!) DIFFERENT sororities!!!! haha! so you see she is making a big ol giant POO BURGER out of those arses! Like oh congratulations you extremely advanced human beings!! Haha you can look past sorority letters to love your own fucking SISTER, how civil of you, I wonder how much you can possibly look past when it comes to a TOTAL STRANGER? Ugh. Vomit!!

But Lol at my sister, right!! yay!!!


Okay, that was funny!! Don't know what's wrong with the polls, the votes only show now when they close or something??? Whatevs, it's whatevs. I'm OUT!!!!! thanks for havin meh.

see ya when i see ya





byeeeeee






:)

An ode to giant flashy earrings - from big hair

Oh you beautiful gorgeous shimmering frolicking bouncing adorning magnificent beauties you. Heavy or light, wooden or plastic, glass or beads, silver or gold, you make EVERY look go from "Oh that's nice!" to "HOLY SHIT WHAT AN AMAZING VISION AM I AT THE GRAND CANYON OR AM I JUST LOOKING AT ONE DEEEEPLLLY GORGEOUS INDIVIDUAL"


You shimmering treasure chests that fit so snugly right into my earlobe holes. You come in hoops and loop-de-loops, animals and actual feathers (not actual animals though...actually I take that back. My excellent best roomie EVAHH!!! made me little sparrow earrings. Okay not technically an actual sparrow, but real LIFE SIZED styrofoam sparrow things. That she made into earrings. That I wore once before one came loose that very same day (I guess it...flew away!) and so she got me a replacement sparrow but I have yet to rock them again. haha... ANYWAY), varying degrees of loudness and subtlety, you are all so different and that is what makes ALL of you so tremendous and worthy of praise.

For what are shoes but stupid things that cover up our feet and a healthy form of transportation?? And since shoes were invented to make transportation more COMFORTABLE or PROTECTIVE, why the FUCK have we started trying to wear HEELS and FLIP FLOPS ALL THE FUCKING TIME? (I realize I could make my posts slightly less f-bomb heavy if I used "Goddamn!" as well but I feel more obscene using those words than I do the "fuck" just because I don't really think there's anything inappropriate about the f word but I do feel inappropriate saying Goddamn! because I'm not God and I was just taught never to say that. SO THAT'S ME BUT YOU DO YOU OKAY). I mean some ladies really love heels and actually CAN walk in them, and that's great and all, and I understand what fashion is but I mean talking logistically right now, if you were stranded on an abandoned dirt road and you had to walk 40 miles, you wouldn't be walking in those humdingers would you? No so then you would walk barefoot, and you would get tetanus and glass shards with every step you took. Hmm, sounds like REVERSE EVOLUTION if you ask me. Oh and flip flops are a different thing, because they are like screwing everyone's feet so much because they wear them everywhere they fucking go, at least if "they" is referring to stupid gross people who are dumb. Flip flops are for public showers and the beach/pool! Not for taking a fuckin stroll through town! So that is why I am on team reasonable shoewear, because I like having feet that work and do not hurt in 20 minutes and allow me to chop cucumbers with my feet if I had to, just for example.

SO STOP FUSSING YOURSELVES OVER SHOES!!

Dresses and shirts and skirts are lovely occasionally, but everyone wears those and there's bound to be a few who do it nicely in every public setting.

Oh but earrings. You are sadly so rare.  Oh, the public acknowledges you. But sadly not as much as it should - or could. You are worthy of so much more praise than you EVER receive - I do not know why such anti-earring prejudice exists, but I'm working to change it.

Especially the great big giant ones. Because you are simply TOO AMAZING at what you do.


Oh earrings, you do such a splendid and superb job that you can turn a wandering moose:

Into a FEROCIOUS TIGER: 

Thank you ~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~**~

***~*~~*~*End Ode****~*~~~*~**

On that note, a few other things. Just a real quick lighthearted rant about my hair for a second okay.

Because for every "You have BEAUTIFUL hair"I receive, there is 2/3 of a "I WISH mine was like that!! Mine is so BORING!"

Okay. So that's okay and stuff EXCEPT FOR FUCKING THIS.


Two of the fuckers who have said this to me have dared to allege that their hair used to look just mine. Mhm! Used to or actually still does look just like it!! So the girl who claimed it was still naturally as beautiful as mine, in response to me saying "oh! you should come into school with it like that then!" {because I had never ever ever ever ever seen her with ANYTHING other than PIN STRAIGHT HAIR}, exclaims "Haha yah that's what my boyfriend says! haha I would never though!!"

Translation: your hair is OUT OF CONTROL! I hate when mine is like that because I put no effort into taming it and just smother it in between two burning plates so that it loses all its life. I love that YOU'RE doing it, but IIII never would be caught dead in public with my hair looking like that! But no really, love it on you!

Look, she's the one regina spektor sings about in this song!!! At about 50 seconds in!! It's like she knows or something!!

Oh and the other girl, whose hair used to look like mine, said she had "Straightened it into permanent limpness" obviously not a direct quote at all because she spoke hillbilly english.

So these two girls are like ugh i love your hair I WISH I WASN'T SUCH A WHOPPING GIANT DUMBASS WHO SMUSHED MY INSECURITY BETWEEN 220 DEGREE CERAMIC "ION POWERED" IRONING BOARDS.

My point at the end of all of this is that while I do genuinely fall in love with every person who compliments my hair, a SIGNIFICANT chunk of you would hate if you had my hair for yourselves. And you would probably straighten it. It's not to say that I didn't go through a straightening phase of my own - I think every curly haired girl who has the means does. But I'm sayin I don't anymore. And I'm sayin a lot of people who wish they had my hair better EAT THEIR SOCKS. Sock eaters.


oh and a few more housekeeping bits:

1) happy 420. i missed that. sorry about that.... but better late than never

2) almost 10,000 views!! :-) i think maybe half of those are from people who actually read the words! oh and the poll thing is.... i dont know, now everyone's votes just show up and disappear, it's a tragedy, i don't want to talk about it, i'm going to go now

luv ya bye <3 <3 <3 <3 

ps rain rain go away come back NEVER byeeee!!

I wasn't going to write a new post....

but then I found myself in a .... superfluous state of mind, everything burbling in there just going completely to waste unless I managed to document it. So I figured here we go DOCUMENTING IT!

Being on summer break is so amazing and spectacular and serene and restful and natural and beautiful and.... well, we could go on for this entire post but to save the interests of both the writer and the reader, we WON'T.

But I'm just sayin

Anyway, I was just thinking about how I'm going to send a fragile gift up to my cousin for being awesome and graduating college and I'm gonna wrap it up in old Victoria's Secret tissue paper because WHY THE FUCK DOES VICTORIA'S SECRET WRAP EVERYTHING UP IN DOUBLE LAYER TISSUE PAPER?! I mean okay I get it it's a "secret" so you gotta "cover it up" and what better way to say "I think it's a coy secret that I, like 100% OF OTHER HUMAN BEINGS ON THIS PLANET, wear fucking UNDERWEAR" than wrapping it all discretely in flourescently pink and wasteful tissue paper in trademark pink striped square bags? I mean wow, talk about subtle, huh? It's like, I get the concept of the tissue paper, okay? It's just COMPLETELY HORRIBLE AND STUPID.
So waste not want not you know, reuse that shit, especially when certain revolutions of our planet require us to spend massive amounts of money on material objects to wrap in trees that we cut down, treated, and polluted our resources with to turn into colorful shining sheets of wrapping paper!

I mean stop me if I'm being absurd.

Anyway that's not the reason I'm here today. I wanted to talk about that whole "Abercrombie & Fitch CEO is a super asshole dickwad jerkoff face horrible person never want to buy from that store ever again i'm completely outraged this is such a scandal" scandal thing. So like first of all, is everyone who shopped at that store honestly completely taken aback? I mean were you all truly surprised and shocked to find out that Abercrombie & Fitch intentionally hire only attractive employees and set exorbitant prices on sizes that don't fit those of greatest circumference? Because if that was actually, like news to you then yeah congratulations for finally finding out now.

But my question is just for anyone who has shopped there or bought a lot of clothes there. I mean I loved jeans from hollister and believe I have visited Abercrombie & Fitch a handful of times but never bought anything (shits so fucking expensive) or maybe it was just abercrombie IDFK point is you can't hold the jeans thing against me - it was purely their fitting thing and it had nothing to do with a dedication to the brand andthey at least lasted long enough that I never had to buy more than a few. I'm asking people who intentionally shopped there and pursued those styles/brands, like, do you feel like kind of an asshole now? Now that you see the kind of image you were perpetuating? Or are you sort of proud to be part of such an allegedly "exclusionary" brand? Or do you not care at all cuz you're just like lay off man, I just like their fucking clothes I don't care about what the head of the company says. Real question for y'all, if any of y'all shopped/still shop there with frequency!





Cool! So I'm gonna go listen to more Joshua Radin because he is fucking beautiful and amazing! And I am seeing him live on Boston! And I just hope I don't pass out all that day from excitement because this is going to be amazing :D

PS!!!! the poll is crap IDK what is wrong with it but I am creating a new one and it better work this time otherwise the consequences will be VERY. VERY. DIRE. <3

if love is just a game HOW COME I'VE NEVER WON?

Hello everyone. We have reached the end of The Oasis. You probably don't know what I'm talking about but if you are an avid reader (aka, if you are Anonymous or my sister) then you may remember that I chose to refer to my college adventure as The Oasis and refer to it as such and document it all splendidly on this blog. Well a few things happened.

I was totally accurate in predicting that I would be spending the majority of it spent up in my room, doing homework while everyone else had fun. Haha. I can blame my lack of friendmaking ability on lots of things, but the truth is I made friends at the end of year, through work and stuff and through being more confident with who I am, and I did have a social life towards the end too! Just not as exciting as everyone else's around me, I spose.

But we're not gonna get INTO THAT. All I'm saying is part 1 of the 4 part series (that is, if everything goes according to plan) of The Oasis has reached its conclusion.

PS CAN I JUST SAY THAT MY IPOD PLAYED "RIGHT ME UP", AND THEN 2 ATOMS IN A MOLECULE, AND THEN "All is well now" by RADICAL FACE THEMSELVES, ALL RIGHT IN A ROW, NO INTERVENTION BY ME??? OH AND NOW IT'S PLAYING FURR BY BLITZEN TRAPPER???

This is the playlist for this post you otters and jackolanterns  - you can either play along OR BE DUMB, AND NOT. But that would be unwise of you.

Anyway so college is over and stuff and that is that and there is nothing left I'd like to add! Except the end of the year was about one million times better than the beginning! You might remember I began my year with quite a bit of an upset. That pretty significantly joggled my brain for a good chunk of time. The jogglement has ended and everything ended really nicely and splendidly and I even said something to vibrams dude - the cool looking dude with the earrings and the sweet bod and VIBRAMS that he wears everywhere and I kept seeing him at the gym and the dining hall. BUT I DIGRESS. I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU ALL MY LIFE, THAT'S MY FUCKIN BUSINESS!! Get outta here!!

Omg jk jk!! stay!!! Even though there are ZERO votes on my poll right now.......




We'll take a moment of silence...






for all of your DIGNITIES!!!


I mean, the NERVE of a person to READ my blog and not RESPOND TO MY POLL!! What's weird is that not once, but TWO separate times, I saw the count of votes go down as "1" and then later went back down to 0! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE. DID YOU RETRACT YOUR VOTE OR SOMETHING?

I'm not sure but I'm just saying I'm offended.


Anyway let's get down to a question that I have and it is this: When a guy says "I like your dress :-)" it ACTUALLY means "but I'd rather like to see it on my floor lol fo realz tho"....RIGHT? Or no? Because really tell me if I'm wrong!

But as everyone knows at good ol MY OLD COLLEGE, sun dress season sprung unexpectedly soon this year, and so all the ladies who had good reason and even better gym sculpted bodies broke out the sundressies and all the boys screamed in unison "Oh lord has had mercy on our souls!! What a delight!!!" And so of course I did as well, and I mean, there's a difference between one of your friends politely being like "You look nice/I like your dress today!" and someone almost completely random being like "I like your dress :-) :-)" I mean with that nice smile being like "I'm being nice but like for reals though, also mad hitting on you"

Am I wrong????? Because this is seriously your first chance to tell me I am - this is a question, not a statement!! I just guess that's the impression that I get! If so then some boys are so easy daw you only have to wear a pretty dress to turn them into a smiling pile of mush.

Haha VOTE ON MY POLL MOTHERFUCKERS. I'M BACK WITH A VENGEANCE AND WILL PROBABLY POST POSTS THIS SUMMER AND STUFF I MEAN MAYBE I DUNNO WE'LL SEE HOW CRAZY I GET YA NEVER DO KNOW WHAT GOOD OL BECKSTAH'S GONNA THROW YOUR WAY, OR HER WAY FOR THAT MATTER.

i love you all though i really do, hope i have more questions for ya to answer, ciao for now <3 <3

I was gonna get up and go to the gym...

Hahaha. This is fictional if you happen to be a law enforcement officer. If you AREN'T a law enforcement officer....then....well, if you were an undercover law enforcement officer, you'd probably still continue reading wouldn't you? Assuming that the out in the open law enforcement officer would stop reading as soon as we started talking about those who AREN'T him?

Well. I have strayed very far. I got distracted for like...well it felt like 15 minutes but I guess in this hilarious "fiction" tale we're telling, it was realistically probably like...6. Maybe 7 1/2. Could be pushing it. Let's try to get back to what we came here for.

Oh yeah I totally remember haha BOMB! that's what I am. Oh my gosh is that inappropriate to say in light of recent events? I'm sorry, I'm seriously not even trying to make a joke right now about what happened, I want to make that clear right now. What I'm trying to say....respectfully (and I'm definitely failing miserably at that last part so I'm going to make sure I at least ace the first part, as in actually saying something and getting to my point ) is that in light of the recent events in Boston, and in light of this whole controversy of "CISPA" and what it means for our future internet rights and - later on - OUR WHOLE ENTIRE REAL LIFE RIGHTS!!! , well, is it inappropriate to use the word "bomb" in a manner that has nothing to do with any of this shit? As in the opening of this paragraph. I'm seriously wondering.

Anyway, I'm not here to discuss what's going on in the world. I guess I just thought about it to myself and asked myself why, especially when I fantasize about ever making it to intern for Stephen Colbert or John Stewart  (the kings of current events...I could be the queen), don't I want to talk about the world right here? Especially when it hits so close to home? Well it's not that I don't believe it shouldn't be talked about - it obviously is, and I guess the wide variety of discussion is doing a damn well job offering all the opinions I could think of and then multiply that by 12. It's what a lot of people are talking about. And it's important and it should be but it shouldn't be talked about everywhere. It's always okay to take a break. From anything. To remember the value of laughter and humor. And sillyness and jibber jabber. That's all.

SO.

TO GET BACK TO WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR, BEFORE I GOT LOST IN THAT SIDE NOTE. more of a side fuckin CORN MAZE if we wanna make an accurate metaphor for how long I got stuck in there cuz damn. Anyway, we're back.

Let's go.

Alright I just took one giant screenshot cuz taking 3 is annoying. Anyway, we'll respond to them chronologically.

To the first responder: HAHA NO WAY I DID NOT PEG YOU AS A MIKA FAN. but mika fans know what's UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP mika is AMAZING so all I can say is glad your ears are in proper shape

To the first anonymous comment: I know that song and it's amazing I believe you gotta gimme more variety in artists if you wanna really impress me :p JK not really, being kind of serious actually, cuz you've been overdoing Radical Face a lot but it's okay they ARE amazing and all their songs sound so different so i don't have a PROBLEM with it, I'm just sayinnn. if you wanna IMPRESS me. lol

And as for the third!!!

WELL GUESS WHAT.

IF I HAD MADE A POLL ASKING YOU GUYS WHETHER I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO MAKE NEW POLLS OF MY OWN ACCORD OR IF I SHOULD WAIT FOR ALL OF YOUR PERMISSIONS BEFORE CREATING A NEW ONE, then your opinion would certainly have MATTERED. (that bit in the lower case obviously doesn't apply to the scumbags who never vote on my polls....JK I'm sure the issue is not that my readers aren't voting it's that I don't have nearly as many readers as I dream about having/ should have.)

But seeing as I didn't do that, your opinion probably doesn't matter, simpleton :p.

Haha! It is so fun to be cruel in a loving way. Because it really all is so full of love!!

Anyway, for realz though, you don't know my life and ya coitenly don't control it either so bugger off. my blog MY RULES. when you start your own blog you can create your own rules. 

OR MAYBE I'LL POLICE YOURS IN RETURN.

we can enter an agreement to police each other's blog to make them the best blogs that ever did be.

Idk, just a thought.

you all have a great day..

enter...

enter.........

guess i'm overdoing the enter button today....

still not as much as anonymous has overdone radical face.............

LOL BURN!!! lol love you bye

If music isn't good enough just turn it up more

Case in point:

So good it would be good enough ON MUTE!!!!!!

Anyway, there have been a few things that must be updated and discussed!! Lots of people clicked on my bliggity blog which is exciting because I've forgotten what's it like to have readers! Since ya know a lot of people plopped off the bandwagon between its hayday and now. This is of course WITHSTANDING my most loyal viewers and readers (i'm not sure which one to call you. you technically also view me because I'm obsessed with myself and love documenting my beauty). 

Segue.

You know this is about you, little anonymous you. You know it's always about you.....

Oh my gosh, sorry you'll appreciate this sidetrack though cuz it's just so relevant to the title I have up there i mean blast this shit and try to tell me you don't agree with me right now:

(Wait til the song above finishes, obviously. If you didn't click on that I hate you!! Of course if you hate the song you can proceed to the next one, but if you hate that song, why????? It must be so hard for you to live with wrongly-tuned eardrums. Are you unable to appreciate beautiful sights and  aromatic scents as well? Haha it's funny because I am pretending I'm always right but at the same time i also kind of believe that I really am always right! you see if you don't understand the juxtaposition of these two dichotomies (sorry I know the use of dichotomy doesn't make sense right there but you can't tell me you aren't badass if you use those two words in a sentence together....I mean even if it doesn't necessarily make "sense" it's still boss.) then you don't understand my blog. And if you can't follow along when I start sentences, get distracted in parentheses, then carry on right where I left off, then you DEFINITELY don't understand my blog. You just think I'm a blubbering bag of nonsense. Which would be correct so it's actually EVEN WORSE. Oh my god I FORGOT I WAS IN ONE GIANT PARENTHESES. THIS ISN'T EVEN WHAT I CAME HERE TO TALK ABOUT. ohhhhhhh the irony everyone!!! hahahahahahahhahaha how hilarious!!! Or is it coincidence..... jk..... kinda...... 0.o)

Well, I remember, naturally. IT WAS ABOUT THIS VIDEO:

More the song, less the video. But yes blast that song and tell me it's not fantastic! Ohhh it so is.

Oh anyway, I was talking about anonymous....

so....

anonymous....

you faithful little commenter you......

I know you'e not responsible for all the anonymous comments....

But you and I both know which ones you are responsible for.....

and you're almost always there.....

chuggin along with me.....

encouraging me to keep going......

and believe me when i say....

THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN YOU BEAUTIFUL NON-IDENTIFIABLE INDIVIDUAL YOU!!!! I could never hate you! I recognize the power of intentional anonymity (holy shit I spelled that right on first try wow that's amazing I deserve a pat on the back actually more like a massage I mean damn where are all the free massages am I right? why don't I go to massage school. this is bullshit) and I would never hate on that. I wasn't even hating on accidental anonymity, merely poking fun at the sillies who struggle with leaving a name instead of "anonymous" because they can't figure out how to do otherwise. and even then, I wasn't being totally serious cuz I know it's actually a confusing process - that's why I was appreciating that Steph knew how to actually do it!!

Anyway, none of that made sense to anyone who didn't read those comments (because that was all about a series of comments, not a post). Hmm, must suck to not be reading all the comments on my blog. They are full of encouragements, truths, and more awesome music suggestions. And also brilliance. CARRY ON WITH YOUR SAD SAD LIVES

but do listen to this, and please continue to bear in mind the title of the post

Well we've got more updates to do. Bear with me.

If you are a good person and you have read more than one post, perhaps you stumbled across my light-hearted rant about "UBlank's Crushes&Missed Connections" [okay how eerily appropriate is it that this song started playing . okay this song isn't even about a missed connection more like a lost connection but dear lord, please stop the song I suggested before, I don't even care about it that much I'M JUST A LITTLE HIGH AND APPRECIATING ALL MY MUSIC RIGHT NOW, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LISTEN TO THAT SONG "GONE AWAY FROM ME" BY RAY LAMONTAGNE. It is both musically beautiful and lyrically tear jerking. I mean....your call I guess........]

anyway, I was called out on it once soon after I wrote that post, so all is well and my self-worth has been restored, but I feel like I am still about 10 shoutouts short of being the most attractive girl on campus, and this makes me feel ugly and fat and bad and pointless. Haha jk...

OR AM I????

....

........

I hope you're not paying any mind to me at all and you're just totally absorbed in that song anyway!!! Oooooh it's just so lovely.

Anyway, let's get back to the good stuff. (who am i kidding - it's all good)

Did i have anything else important that I had to share? Well, probably....

But do I remember.....

I have a lot of homework I should be doing right now, I suppose that is all haha fuck HOMEWORK BITES. Ergh double ergh erghie ergh.

Love you all. Thanks for sticking with me through that train-wreck of awesomeness :-)  

Happy 8,500 views :-)

Some fun proof of me destroying a stupid asshole!

 Alright everyone! In honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day this Sunday (April 7) I encountered an offensive post on facebook that I literally COULD NOT PASS without refuting. Because here's the thing. I'm a relatively silent facebooker. I creep - oooooh I creep. But I usually keep to myself. And if I do ever say anything - even if it is completely random - it is literally NEVER an entrance to an argument. But read this for yourself, and you tell me if you could scroll on and not say anything. (Answer might depend on whether you're Jewish or not, but to be honest, it shouldn't)
{Although the original status could be considered offensive - and was - it wasn't enough to make me say anything. It was the comment that followed that was the umm....anti-semitic shit-turd that broke the camel's back.}
[[If I had some sort of computer tool that could erase these people's names, I totally would. But unfortunately I don't. And besides the two somewhat "innocent" bystanders {but of course innocent is used ironically because how innocent were the bystanders who stood by while THE HOLOCAUST was happening}, for some reason I don't feel any guilt about revealing the identity of someone...quite like this! :-) So there ya go! If this ever makes it viral, maybe I'll do something about it.]]

*~*~*~ Is that an invite to make this post go viral??? Yes ~*~*~*~
*-*-*~~~ If it were that easy wouldn't I already have gone viral? Well yes, but this one may be the diamond that blinds the rich person's eye with its magnificence *-*-*~~~

Legs were quivering at this point. Coursing with adrenaline. Standing up to idiocy can do that I suppose. Makes me wanna kind of be an internet idiocy crusader....HAHAHAHAHA OH GOOD ONE LOL!!! No but for reals though this one worked me up. That's weird isn't it? Oh how strange to get worked up about such a thing. *foreshadowing*

Haha. Okay so first I'm told to "relax" about the Holocaust. I mean seriously Becca, it was SEVENTY years ago that SIX MILLION of your people were murdered in Europe. 

Let's carry on.

First of all.

1) "Someone cares too much about someone else's prospective" Clearly this dude means "perspective" but I guess it's unfair of me to get hung up on such things. Furthermore, shame on me for correcting you, Oh Brilliant Fat White Internet Asshole!! Who is continuing to "debate" with me (debate is in quotation marks because as you will see, this isn't even a debate) quite passionately for someone who is belittling someone for "caring too much about someone else's prospective [sic]"

2] Interesting "wild guess" about the lack of studying this subject past high school considering the fact that I JUST MENTIONED that I am a history major.

Aaaaaand finishes it off with a shameless quiet plea to delete the entire thing!! Classy ;)

Now it wouldn't be fair to not include what he sent me in a message. Because oh, were you surprised that this dude wasn't gonna drop it? Me neither!!!

So my wild guess was wrong. I never said that the Holocaust never happened; I'm just sick of people thinking that the Jewish race was the only target. You should know this right? Specially has a History Major. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, or hurt feelings. I don't have a major, never had the money. But with my families rich history, and the extensive Russian and German books I've read with my father, I have quite a understanding. My grandfather never liked to talk about his experiences, and unfortunately passed away before we got too much of his experience out from mouth. He left quite a long Journal written in Russian about such terrors he experienced. I'm just sick of the stereotype and association of the Jews and the Holocaust. Yes, it was horrible it happened, but if you just know one side of a story you just don't get the full informative experience, and therefore misinformed. I am also sick of people being stuck in the past, specially when concentration camps and genocide exist right now. We're all amazed at the worlds displays.

Almost dude. Almost. Except for this:

Hmm. The the truth is that a LOT of people were persecuted in the Holocaust, and anyone who studies the Holocaust KNOWS that. If you have a relative who was kept prisoner by the Germans, why are you arguing the fact that history is written by the victors? In elementary, middle, and high school this is obviously the case, but in actual academia you uncover the real truth. Like what a piece of shit Colombus was, and how horrible the Nazis were to SEVERAL entities (homosexuals, mentally handicapped, Christians, priests, blacks, gypsies, prisoners of war, political enemies). But here's the thing...The "association of the Jews and the Holocaust" is not a "stereotype". It is "accurate" in the sense that Hitler was SPECIFICALLY trying to ANNIHILATE the Jewish people, and his actions in Nazi Germany were SPECIFICALLY targeted at the Jews. So yes, good job, you and anyone who has spent any time studying the Holocaust are aware that millions of other non-Jews were destroyed by the event as well. But the association between the Jews and the Holocaust is neither fabricated nor exaggerated.

 Considered posting all these pictures on facebook hahaha but like WHAT MAKES A BETTER PLATFORM THAN MY BLOG? You can just kiss my feet and call me "Master Becca" whenever you're in my presence now


P.S. while I gave the original status dude a pass because there were more important things to argue against, I'm still irked by his 3rd point ("this chick looks like the one who the nerdy guy would ask out and she'd laugh in his face")

because
a) now attractive people (which is what I'm assuming he's getting at) aren't allowed to be offended by offensive jokes anymore
b) and it is the attractive woman's fault that the dude millions of miles below her league decided to go against all signs and hints and body language and asked her out
        ---particularly irksome to me because my pleasantries have been mistaken for interest by like THREE DIFFERENT NERDS in the past few months. I'm not trying to be offensive against nerds but I mean come on guys maybe the reason you think attractive women are so nasty is because you leap at the first sign of politeness and go straight for the conviction that she is interested in you. MAYBE.----


Peace out fuckwads!!! Share this one on facebook, I'm particularly proud of it!!

RANT TIME: "UBlank Crushes & Missed Connection Page"

also quick little tidbit: my internet is definitely a sentient being because well you see I'm using wireless internet as we speak and it's really unreliable. Sometimes it's fantastic and sometimes I plug right the fuck back into the wall, even though that restricts my sitting areas to like...one seat. Like can't lay in comfortable positions in bed and shit and also have to scooch my chair all closer to the wall and it is uncomfortable for my back and the resting position of my wrists and gives me carpal tunnel and is basically a pain in the ass okay? Not gonna get a longer cord right now cuz I don't feel like paying for that shit. ANYWAY.

So I was waiting for a page to load and it was taking so long I was just like, you know what, I'm gonna plug back into the wall. And guess what? Page loaded. Song fucking started playing. It was perfect. And then for the next like thirty seconds, as I clicked the various things I have to click to start a post on this blog, every time the thought popped into my head GONNA PLUG BACK IN GONNA DO IT I SWEAH it loaded!! Hmmm!! Very sneaky INTERNET.

Anyway. Thank God I titled this post relevantly because otherwise I'd have no idea what I wanted to say. So let me explain. Not gonna share my school because obviously not, but I'm sure I'm not a member of the only college with this kind of page, in fact I know I'm not. It's a "crushes and missed connections page" for anyone from the university, hence "UBlank" or "CollegeBlank" blah blah blah you know what I mean. And there have been like 3 valuable missed connections. The other 300+ have been "So and so is so pretty/attractive/goodlooking, boy do I wanna bang her/him!!!". This pisses me off for TWO VERY IMPORTANT REASONS.

1: It has existed for what maybe like 72 hours so far? And there has yet to be ONE post about the "most gorgeous girl on the entire campus who has beautiful reddish curls I wanna twirl my fingers around like she does, all the time, because she's perfect and amazing and I'm awesome also and we would be perfect together so HMU seniorita ;)" AKA, for the UNINITIATED (translation: completely idiotic) a post confessing love for ME!!!! This is silly to me for obvious reasons.


2: The thing is,,,,, if someone WERE to post something like that, I'd STILL be pissed (After staring giddily at the paragraph - because it ought to be at least that long - for 20+ mins straight) because all this shit is doing is making it easier for people to NOT be like "Agh, what a super goodlooking person, I'm gonna  maybe stop being a giant invertebrate about it and go up and say something to them" and instead they post about it on the INTERNET and hope that the stupid attractive person will be tagged by one of their friends, who will see it first and tag them in a comment and then aw look what you've accomplished ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BESIDES GIVING SOMEONE A PUBLIC AND COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS COMMENT WHICH IS RODENT SHIT COMPARED TO THE SWEET NECTAR OF A FACE-2-FACE SINCERE GENUINE COMPLIMENT. I mean especially when so many of the comments are so sweet!! I mean yeah a lot of them are like OH WHAT I WOULDN'T DO TO FUCK YOU SILLY and those I can understand being anonymous but... even then, having such an urge to fuck someone should be encouragement to say something in PERSON, not anonymously on FACEBOOK because that gets you NOWHERE. This is coming from someone who will obviously never do either one, so it is up to the other people to approach ME, and I'm just sayin people should grow SPINES!!!!! (this is my attempt at an androgynous synonym for "balls". deal with it)

For the record, I had to plug myself into the wall internet. AND MY BACK HURTS. FUCK DIS!!!

But on a side not, listening to this super lovely song :-)))

Happy Pesach tomorrow everyone!!! I am so terrified about going without bread for this week....I literally live on bagels/donuts for breakfast, veggie sandwiches for lunch and grilled cheeses for dinner. I will try my best not to die. WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT WOULD BE APPRECIATED. EVERYONE HAVE A MARVELOUS MONDAY MAÑANA!!!

shades of people

I think we're all just shades of the rainbow and the shades are only discernible by those with like-tinted glasses. Ya know, like my shade is soft mint green or some shit and the only people who really get me are those who have green-tinted glasses. A metaphor, if you will, for bigger things.

I told my mom I'd be right down to watch a movie with her and to just start it without me, cuz I wanted to smoke, and here the fuck I am, really high listening to my pandora on shuffle!! That was a bad move on my part, it's hard enough to walk away from when I'm NOT high - no it isn't; it's just really hard to walk away from when I am high. And the thing is, I don't even know if I'm using the dashes and semicolons correctly - like should they be reversed or something? Should they be completely removed? What about that last one? Who gives a shit, because you follow me, right? I wish LIFE could be that way man, but college at least definitely ISN'T. Who even DECIDES what propah grammah is anywhoozn'boodle. Sick 'n tired of it. That's why the friken essays I gotta still do on the Golden Ass and AUGUSTINE'S MOTHA FUCKIN CONFESSIONS (is that blasphemous? is it blasphemous to hope it's blasphemous? Because I hope both are so.) are gonna wait to after today, even though it's wednesday, because there's still lots of days left, I'M IN DENIAL OKAY LET IT BE.

Ughhhhh anyway my point is I should be watching a movie with my mum right now!!!!!! You know the endorphins after working out thing is definitely true by the way. I know it's been confirmed by like various scientific sources and like every single person who has ever worked out ever, but I'd also like to interject that first of all I'M JUST REITERATING IT, OKAY? Can you ever just... iterate something? Lol. Anyway, also, I go to the gym and I mean I guess there are still post-workout good feelings but it's nothing like actually being outside or for that record BIKE RIDING TO THE BEACH. On a cloudy spring day that turns sunny while you're collecting shells and yah gotta TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET!!! Just sayin'.

Okay, THAT'S ENOUGH. IT'S REALLY TIME TO GO. Ooooo pretty music

:-) Love you all!!! Love the comments!!! Love seeing VOTES ON THE POLL HINT HINT COME ON LOSERS. Love seeing support! Y'all are the best!!!!!! SHUFFLE ALL OF YOUR PANDORA STATIONS.

LOL PROBABLY 95% OF YOU WERE ALREADY AWARE OF THAT FUNCTION.

I DO IT FOR THE 5%. pce!!!!!!!!!!!

If a social event occurs, and it's not documented on facebook, DID IT HAPPEN??

You know that old adage (italicized not for emphasis but because I feel really smart for using that word) "if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it make a sound??"

This riddle used to confound me as a child. Because really, it's a good question. Until I realized that humans aren't the only organisms that can hear - there were probably squirrels around when it happened, and besides the point, sound is just vibrations that occur regardless of whether ears are intercepting them or not (Thanks Ms. Frizzle!).

But this new one is different. It has repercussions. Here's the thing. Today's a really sunshiney day and it's all like really beautiful and stuff, so everyone's jizzing their pants in excitement and is all OMG I'M GONNA GO OUTSIDE AND STUFF BECAUSE FUCK YAH!!!!!!

Now let me just make this clear - that's exactly what I did this morning too! Except I am a bad person with bad college sleeping habits, so by this morning I mean more like noon thirty!! But I still went outside and read To Kill a Mockingbird in the sun because 1) I haven't read it yet and I feel like an incomplete person with this, Lord of the Rings, and the Star Wars Trilogy outside of my realm of experience, but I felt this was the most important, and also I have an illegal copy that I may or may not have accidentally permanently borrowed from the high school, and also adamantly refused to do any college work this past week because honestly, you would too.

Listen with me!!! :-) It's a wickedly awesome video too!!

Anywho, so I'm out there not only being all ecological and shit cuz I'm sitting in the sunshine and that's like, not burning any fossil fuels and stuff so yay me and everything, and on top of that I'm being SCHOLARLY too because Fuck yah look at what an amazing person I am!!! But EVEN I DIDN'T BOAST ABOUT IT ON FACEBOOK, YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I'm not even saying the people who boasted about being outside today on fbook were boasting, that's not even really  my point. It's totally cool to boast on facebook, I mean not to toot my own incredibly loud and superior horn, but I did get my license this Monday and I certainly let all of my fuckbook friends know about it. That's fine, whatever, I don't care, not the point.

My point is....those people who shared that they went outside and enjoyed the sunshine today - omg Over My Head by The Fray just started playing *I'm shuffling all my pandora stations it's literally the most orgasmic experience you can have besides eating an orange after track practice and also actual orgasms* and like you guys should play that song too once you finish with the song I just posted, but like whatever it's YOUR decision, I'm just here with suggestions for those of you who'd like 'em. k back to the sentence now - well, we all know that they went outside and enjoyed the sunshine today. We were all made aware that they weren't kept inside by the enclosing walls of MAN. No, they WENT OUTSIDE BECAUSE ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR SUNSHINE IN MAINE IN MARCH IS THE MOST DELIGHTFUL FEELING EVER!!!

And it is!! I'm not even saying it's not, because it totally is! All of this is perfectly fine and it all makes sense and I don't have a problem with any of it!! But then it's like, I went outside too, only I didn't tell anyone about it - does that make what I had to do any less significant? I am the tree that went outside in the forest and did not tell any of their facebook friends about it - did I even make a sound?

I'm going real deep into metaphor now. Dive along with me fellow metaphorians, it is nice down here and it is not too hard to breath. Just follow along. 

But anyway it's like this. I live at college, and sometimes I wonder if I'm in a learning institution or an unspoken competition to see who has the most exciting and vivacious social life. And the platform is facebook, and I TOTALLY LOSE.

Sometimes it's like, do people take pictures to document memories? Or is it to upload to facebook to prove to everyone else that they are totally making unforgettable memories? And to prove to me that I, Becca, am truly the saddest person in the entire universe because of the sadly pathetic amount of new picsss of drunken bliss uploaded every weekend (or ever). And that's not wrong completely. But I have had, if you can possibly believe it, a few sparse moments of hanging out with other people this past year! I'm actually really dramatic when making fun of myself - I'm no worse than I was in high school, I never went out every weekend then either and I spent a lot of homework on homework then too (Lol, keeping that typo so you can all lol with me. I mean "a lot of time on homework". But hey, it felt like homework on homework too. Ugh, a pandora station just went "Uhhh - sorry to interupt!" Like fuck you commercial, I hate you so much right now. You definitely fucking do mean to interrupt, yoou're not SORRY!!!! k back to the sentence now). 

But it's also not just facebook either, I mean that's the only "social media" account I have but I think it's all the other ones too. So I guess - no I don't guess I know - what I'm trying to say is that doing the occasional social thing and the self righteous "going outside even though it's still pretty chilly but it's the sun and I love it and stuff" without documenting it on 3 different social media sites with at least one picture amongst them makes it feel like a damn tree fallin in the forest without so much as an ANT to pick up on it!!!

NOW THE ULTIMATE CONUNDRUM: TO POST THIS POST ON FACEBOOK, OR NOT. don't even know if I technically exist in the universe anymore.//.2/4./51./ what is physical anymore ..5..6./32,4/7 feel like everything has gone digital/2.4/5./89//.

Well hope that sufficiently weirded you out for the day! ENJOYING THE SUNSHINE HAHA LOL I'M SITTING NEAR A WINDOW, BEEEETCHES. ciao!

Talking to people and other normal human activities

....(AKA things that I am bad at)

So last week all I wanted to do was just rant on my bliggity blog but I couldn't because it was the week from hell (and one of the tamer ones at that, just two exams and an outline due, and i totally got an 84 for the sexuality exam, booo yah bitches BOO YAH, DIDN'T EVEN DO A VERY GOOD STUDYING JOB AT ALL. At that point it's like, are you trying to brag about your mediocre grade or your faulty sense of time management? Its like NEITHER, I'M JUST SAYING. And mediocre is excellent when you're preparing for the worst! So I actually did excellent. So phuckk awwffff)

Anyway, I couldn't take time off from my doing work and my pretending to do work and then actually GOING to work...and class...etc etc so I did not blog last week. So I  am here now. Usually in situations like this my posts would have been nearly identical whether posted today or a week ago. This is not the case, because the thing that was on my mind was really ON MY FUCKING MIND all week so I vented about it and talked to people about it, and have come upon my own revelations. So I will be sharing those, instead of the deep pit of hell fury that was going to be my frustration post a week ago! There will be some frustration but it will be like, moderate hole...of hell....fury.... Lol, are you still with me?!?!?!

So what was bothering me was the fact that the only time I'm ever talked to here at school is by people who are literally TALKING AT ME. And I was always aware that this was my own doing, in fact, my junior year I operated under the mindset that I was not going to talk unless spoken too. And that was fine and I still ended up talking because I LIVED IN A SMALL SCHOOL WHERE I SAW THE SAME CHILDREN I HAD BEEN SEEING FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS. I'm sorry about the yelling. I will try to use italics when applicable from now on. Probably some of that could have been all this shit but......what happened happened.

Okay, anyway, while it was "okay", I still ended up getting minorly depressed and had to break out of that mindset because it's very lonely to just sit and wait for people to want to talk to you. So I did and boom, happiness and stuff occured.

So fast forward to now I'm in college now, and through a series of unfortunate events known as my first semester social habits and practices, I don't have like....that many friends. Okay.

But the past few weeks people have been like...actually approaching me and shit. And being all "let's become friends oh yes let's!!"

Now I am no longer blazed out of my mind for all of my proceedings every day all day like I was last semester, so that helps in the looking all "present and communicable", and it helps in carrying on the conversations too so I am not quite as much of a useless blob on a stick as I was. Because yeah, I guess I had to find out  on my own that too much weed is not a good thing and that was why my brain was slogging through knee deep mud the whole time. I was honestly like, what's going on here?? Where's my wit?? Well that's where it was - getting hacked out of my lungs in ugly coughs at the gym.

But I digress.

I digressed so hard that I left for like three weeks but now I'm back. Why do I keep doing this?? It's cuz I have so much to say I get bogged down by it all and just have to leave halfway through. So like, I'm gonna do my best to pick up where I left off and we'll see where we go from here.

I think what I was going to say is I just hate most people, and it's nothing against the people, really. I mean it is obviously, because my judgement is flawless and superior to all other judgements (some might even compare me to God....I wouldn't stop them) but at the same time I also believe in the whole "to each their own" thing, ya know, whatever floats your boat, whatever shines your shoes, whatever flops your mop, etc. So if people want to be lame and stupid and talk about their stupid useless things and find their stupid unfunny annoying things to be hilarious, then by all means, carry on. Ahead. Without me. Haha.

And this was originally very bitter but I'm not bitter anymore because I've realized that no one ever likes most people, and the people who do are very strange and terrible and the rest of us should ostracize them if only because they don't know the feeling of being the outcast and it's time to fuckin let 'em know. Wow it's 4:21 I'm just sayin. I have eerily beautiful timing....some might call me.....perfect. I wouldn't stop them.

Lol there I go digressing again. Hold on, a picture to keep you all company, but it's MY OWN, NOT FROM GOOGLE, FUCK OFF GOOGLE!!! ALSO FUCK OFF SPOTIFY ADVERTISEMENTS!!!! erghhhh

*******Okay that was taking absurdly long to upload so if I remember to come back and put it up when I finish this then feel very grateful okay, if I forget then don't take it personally******


Anyway, it's like, I hate complaining about it because I think some people don't understand that 99% of what I'm saying is....like, I don't actually find myself superior to all other humans. I mean like, I do in many ways, because I'm sorry but let's just be honest I am, but in a lot of ways it's just as satirical as it is sincere, if that makes sense? If it doesn't, you're probably stupid and ugly anyway. Jeeze I'm sorry about all the ugly jokes I feel like I make them a lot....like, it's okay if you ARE ugly. Haha I mean, it's fine with ME but like probably sucks for YOU and stuff....


Anyway, I don't want to come off as that hoity toity bitch who hates everyone when really she's the one no one can stand and she blames it on all the perfectly fine people in her life. Because I am grateful for those who find delight in me because that just makes me find so much more delight in them!! What I'm trying to get at is I'm thankful for the multitude of blobs out there that go about their blobby ways and disgust me so. Because that's when you get to truly recognize the people who are awesome, the people you do love, and what is so awesome about them and what makes you love them so much.

So thanks to all the people who love me and a double thanks to the people that I love (many of you fall into both) - thanks for giving me faith in that species of ours!! You helped me realize that I do get anxious with the "people" for good reason - most of them do not get me - but the persons who do are my faves and I love them and thanks for putting up with my sometimes too loud/annoying laughter. muah muah!!

thanks for 8,000 views or some shit!!! and fuck all of you except for the one person who voted on my poll!! go vote on that shit right now mothafuckas!!!!!

Okay so....just gonna start being honest right now (This is about dinosaurs)

It's about dinosaurs and I'm being completely serious when I say all of this. I'm extremely high I haven't  smoked five days so...there's that...

Anyway. Went to a meditation panel today where there were five people who spoke about various branches of spritiology (sp?? the red squiggly line is frowning on me) meditative techiques, including a tai chi dude and some yoga ladies and I'm being very rude in summing them up this way but that's because those particularly lovely but irrelevent people are not the  reason for my presence here today...on this bliggity blog. And we're BACK to the runon sentences that I'm not gonna proofread for you. If it makes sense, that's AWESOME, you guys will be RIGHT ON PAGE WITH ME. If not, then you'll be mostly on my page but somewhat confused. Not givin a shit :p

At the end we got to choose which of the five we wanted to attend a smaller, more in depth 30 minute class with. The one I attended was a man who used to be a school principle but his brain got sick from the mold and he had to retire early. He was originally obviously very upset about this but he found ways to connect back with Earth and nature that allow him to realize the true meaning and beauty of life, and meditation and mental journeys to awesome spots that you can picture that relax you and all that lovely stuff. What's EVEN BETTER is HE PLAYED A DRUMMMMM for us as we sat for ten minutes picturing our recognizable scene. Like with a skin drum with a stick like a Q-tip. While all of that was amazing, it's not even what my real point is.

At the end he gave us his website, and at the end of a short essay he has on it, he says to pay attention to any animals that have been ever apparent in your life as of yet for whatever reason. Whether outdoors, in your dream, around you, any animals that have stood out around you lately. Everyone knows you don't see animals at college. The stupid mascot thing doesn't count. But what has been on my mind for the first time since.....CHILDHOOD????? all this semester?

Dinosaurs.




I've been thinking about how much I used to love them and how much I used to know about them and how fascinating they STILL ARE (FUCKING DINOSAURS MAN SERIOUSLY) and....you know, I hope it sounds crazy, I really do, because I know it does, but I think my spirit animal is a dinosaur. I'll never see one of course, but I've had dreams with them, in fact my earliest dream has always been the T-Rex that chases me in the house. Granted, they've always been terrifying, but that's because that's what dinosaurs are. I think....dinosaurs are just a part of me, somehow. I'm so.... like, SO happy about that.

I LOVE DINOSAURS!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can't girls be pretty and funny at the same time?

Hi everyone!! Becca here. Becca is not only STONE COLD SOBER, but she is also pleasantly warm (no more sub zero temperatures, it was like in the twenties today I was like OH MAH GAHHHHD I WANNA FROLICK IN THE NUDE [kidding...kidding about the nude part...but did it get your attention? Picturing me in the nude? I hope so, because that would be a great segue. Segue.])  and she also has interesting things to say!!

I was reading a cracked article last night which, if you've been paying attention, would seem to be the only thing that I ever do ever with my life and that's not far from the truth. I love me some cracked.com. Anyway, it mentioned a bit about female comedians often having to pretend they're ugly, and linked to this article about female comedians uglifying themselves. Go ahead, read it. I mean, you're reading this already - give yourself some context.

The point that I seemed to derive from it is that female comedians have to downplay their sexuality if they have any hopes of being admired for anything else. Basically, if you're too sexy, you will just get too many catcalls pleading you to "DUMP 'EM OUT" before you even get to the punchline. Good thing there is no punchline to this paragraph otherwise I would have already dumped em out...I think? No?

I have no qualms with this theory, but I have a bit of my own to add. As anyone who knows me already knows, I'm just darling. Physically speaking, that is. Mentally....not so much. Anyway, as I've matured and blossomed into the woman I am today I uhh...well, how do I put this eloquently? I don't like to be pretty when I'm being funny. It's weird. Fuck the eloquentness, let's just be straight up.

I've never been one for makeup, not only because a) I'm too lazy b) the few occasions I do wear it, I fuck up and forget and rub my eyes and shit just goes downhill from there c) I don't know how to do it so that it actually looks good, so I have to rely on my lovely friend Elizabeth to do it for me hahaha. And she does a great job!! But this is obviously only for special occasions. Or even d) the original reason I never started wearing it: I didn't want to develop the habit of not feeling pretty without it. No, there is one more intimate reason why I choose to go makeup free, and it is honestly because I'm scared of how good I would look if I put actual effort into it.

Sound full of myself? Maybe I am. But it's for good measure! There's a reason why old ladies fall head over heals in love with me - literally every middle aged woman I work with has, at least ONCE, cooed over my hair - "So beautiful!!" or my face - "So adorable!!" or both, repeatedly, all the time. And I get shy. I mean, I know I'm cute, but am I really that cute that you have to make such a commotion about it? Gee whilikers, cantcha make a commotion over someone else for once? No? Then by GOD I'm definitely never going to apply makeup!

For my entire life, the most important thing has consistently been that people find me funny. It just matters to me. I love funny people, and I love people who love funny people, and when someone thinks I'm funny and I also think they're funny then we all get along and it's a grand old time!! If I'm too pretty though, people are just gonna be focused on my face - they're not going to listen to what I actually have to say. Or they're going to laugh because I'm cute, and awww, the cute girl is trying to be funny, she's so cute when she does that. She should really think about dumping 'em out!!!

There's this whole stigma surrounding pretty girls that I a) don't care to explain or put into words or b) get wrapped into myself. So I accept the curse that is a perpetually, unavoidably attractive face and carry on with my life by distracting people from my superior genes with words that make them giggle. I guess it's this inherent fear that people will look at me and immediately assume I'm just a pretty face. Because there are so many just pretty faces out there. Girls who became cute in 6th grade and from then on felt no need to develop their personality because regardless of the shit that came out of their mouths, boys lined up to smush their mouths next to 'em. That's scary. I don't want to be appreciated for SOLELY what's on my outside.

It might be just me, because I know quite a few girls who manage to be beautiful and hilarious at the same time. But it's a tough balancing act. The best way I can explain it is that there's plenty of reason to hate someone for being too beautiful, but no one has ever hated someone for being too funny.

I think that's what a lot of this whole "female comedians downplay their attractiveness" thing comes down to. For me at least, I learned how to be funny long before I learned how to be pretty. Now, getting all prettified can feel as awkward as some boring person being forced to put on a standup act. It's like....what am I doing here? Why are you all looking at me? What am I supposed to do now?! So if I was put in a situation like the Esquire photoshoot the article mentions of Tina Fey (photoshoot link here), I too would do the goofy poses. I wouldn't be the only one!! Sexiness is so....serious. It requires taking oneself....seriously! I can't do that, I don't want to do that, and I don't want people to take me seriously either. I want them to giggle with me. I wish everyone would just giggle.