BATHROOM FIASCO (Evan) So there I was in the bathroom

chilling in my underwear, smoking and jamming out to "Time to Pretend" on my iPod when I decide that I'm ready to leave the bathroom. So I pull down the curtain so that the window curtain is shut all the way (it was open about three inches to blow smelly air out). But then I as I was leaving, I thought "No I should actually leave it open so that it airs out more."

So there I go. I yank the curtain a little to make it go up, and it COLLAPSES.

It was terrifying. I was like "REALLY OH MY GOD REALLY THE CURTAIN FALLS DOWN AT A TIME LIKE THIS?"

You really don't understand the consequences yet. There I was, in the bathroom with the light on, in my underwear, with no bathroom shade. And everyone knows that you can see EXTRAORDINARILY WELL into well lit windows during the night. But I couldn't turn the light off, because then I wouldn't be able to see what I was doing. 

And neighbors creep, okay? I do it all the time. SO DO YOU!!!

So I had to crouch down and try to roll the curtain back onto itself and then I had to get up and unroll it to about the length of the window so that I would be blocking it as I put it up. And then as I'm hoisting it up back into its position, I realize I have it backwards so I have to turn THE ENTIRE POLE THING around, which is exhausting because it's like longer than my wingspan so it's awkward to rotate.

  

I'm a pterodactyl you guys. That's me.

Anyway, ya get what I'm saying here? By the time I put it in position and I pull it a little longer, I can tell I did a shit job rolling it back up and it's still really lose and will collapse the moment someone pulls it. And honestly, all I have to say is FUCK YOU to that person! Hahahaha,

Seriously though. You can experience the terror I experienced when that thing just CRASHED TO THE FLOOR. And you will think it was your fault because you won't know what hit you. And watch that person be me but....hopefully it won't be. 

Anyway, I knew I couldn't keep that chaotic story to myself. Thank you for joining me on this roller coaster ride adventure. For a reward, go listen to one, two, or three of these songs depending on whether you think you deserve a bronze, silver, or gold medal respectively.

The Story - Brandi Carlile

Eventually- Zox

Party in the U.S.A - You know who sings this. I'm sorry, I couldn't decide on a third song and I had been searching for so long on my ipod and I was only on the I'S!!!!!! So then this started playing and I was just like "Okay awesome fucking song" so yeah, you know, if you deserve a gold medal then you'll listen to this song. Until then you're only SECOND BEST!!!!

Sucker.

A post on GIRLS (and other things)

The girls will have to wait. The first thing I have to say is that I think a lot of people claim they "hate it" when people ask them who they're texting, so they never do it to others. BULLSHIT!!!! EVERYONE fucking ALWAYS asks everyone who they're texting. Lesson to be learned children: if you go around saying you hate when people do a certain thing, you should probably not run around doing that certain thing to others. Because that makes you suck A LOT.

Alright moving on. To girls. Because I did that one post on boys a long time ago and let's be honest, everyone knows a rant on girls is going to be loads more interesting, so whoever voted for boys on that poll is hereby knighted a dumbass.

So here's my message to girls: stop saying you hate girls. You don't hate girls. YOU'RE a girl. There are millions of funny, charming, intelligent, fierce, beautiful girls out there. They're just massively outnumbered by all the PABs. (Pugly [and Pugly is in itself a combination of pug-faced and ugly] Ass Biddies, for those who don't know)

By sharing your "I hate girls" logic with others, you're only perpetuating the problem. Girls have created this competition amongst themselves to promote themselves as much as they can while simultaneously lowering the status of other girls. It's all about attention. Think about it. Everyone hates that ugly loud dumb slut (ULDS?) who every guy can't seem to get enough of. Where do we go from here? We quietly (or maybe loudly, if you're obnoxious) declare our hatred for the girl. Everyone knows and/or is a girl like this. Their presence is so loud that it actually seems like there are way more than actually exist.

Girls don't say they hate girls when they're 9 years old. Girls don't hate girls when they're 12. It begins to get strong at about 16 years old and just gets stronger. What changes? Guys enter the equation, and when you put guys in the equation, SOME (read: not all) girls turn into attention seeking whores. It's nature's way of perpetuating the species. When this new breed of girls enters the mix, the old breed is like "Oh my God no", retracting any and all willingness (eventually) to bother to get to know girls, cuz they're just "all the same".

Just a pretty picture to lighten the mood.

Here's the idea: stop promoting competition by declaring a hatred of girls. Embrace how strong and powerful a true woman is and erase the idea of these fake attempts at one. Understand the concept that yeah, some girls do suck a FUCKING LOT, but so do some guys too. So start speaking the truth and say you hate people, because we all know that 65% of the rest of the world sucks, but that 35%ish other part deserves to hear you say positive things, not "Wehh I hate girls wehh"

See ya latah gatahs


---P.S. I like when girls angle their pictures so that it looks like their boobs are going to eat their throat. That's really nice ladies.

Just a little somethin REAL QUICK.

I never realized how spectacular remotes are with power buttons on the bottom. Cuz then you can just grab it and hit "on".

And Carly just ruined the flow by running up the stairs behind me and going "You Clusterfucking?"

Everyone who loves me - comment on this post saying "CARLY YOU SUCK!"

Several announcements to make - please gather a snack now.

Well why not start with a little anecdote just for old time's sake? I heard my dad coming up the stairs just now and I panicked a little - after all we've been caught twice since the cat's been out of the bag (Have no idea what I'm talking about?! We're so far behind! Don't worry we'll catch up). Sooooo then I went to pause the music but the music was on my computer and I hit play on my ipod, which starts playing full blast, so then I mute my computer and then I just went back and forth between those two for a while before I figured out what the FUCK I was doing.

Anyway, glad to see I can still write 2 (3?) weeks out of school but I still get just as easily distracted by music (Starry Eyed Surprise by Shifty?! Who knew!!)

Okay....so...here's what's been up.

The "cat" or should i say, catnip, has been let out of the "bag" and my parents are both aware of the Wittman Daughter Shenanigans (Or WDS) aaaaaaand the consequences - somewhere between zero and negative zero.

Glad I can still do math too!!!

Okay and anyway since the secret's been out, we've been caught um two separate times? By my dad, at least. I don't even care getting into explaining it because the gist of it now is that both my parents are aware, and they know I'm not gonna stop, and they're cool with it. 

Wait no actually back up. The gist of it now is that it's okay to be high, but it's NOT okay to smoke. In my house. At anyone's house. Anywhere. So I....don't. Obviously.......

Hahhhhhhh I am so full of good laughs today. Anyway there is more news!

First of all (well second if you count the story but I don't count it, so it's still first. Keep up.) I'm still alive. You know, for those of you who only saw me in school or for those of you who don't know me personally or ever see me. How would you people know I'm still alive if it weren't for this blog?! So, I continue it for you.

B of all (heh), we reached 2,000 views ladies and gentlemen!!! Reached and surpassed, if you don't mind my saying. Sorry I didn't do a post right when it happened, but what better day to celebrate than THE FOURTH OF JULY.

OH WAIT IT'S THE FOURTH OF JULY?

YOU MEAN SUMMERTIME YOU MEAN LIKE ALL THAT STUFF YOU TALKED ABOUT IN THIS VERY BLOG JUST A FEW POSTS AGO?

WAIT REALLY?

If any of those thoughts crossed your mind, settle down. ACTUALLY DON'T SETTLE DOWN. IT'S OUR NATION'S BIRTHDAY AND SCHOOL'S BEEN OUT FOR WEEKS AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE FOR MANY MORE!!!!!

In the words of one of last night's Pirate's Cove customers, "HOOOORAH!!"

Anyway, news number three. I like announcing comments to my readers for several reasons. 

1.] they make me soooooo excited I just want to share

2.] Mentioning them encourages you buggers...hopefully.

3] You'd probably all miss them all without my philanthropy

This is the comment I'm preparing you all for:

HAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YESSS!!!!! I was a bit worried about that post (if you don't know what I'm talking about then you shouldn't even be reading this parentheses until you finish that post, titled "I almost just had an oopsie...") because you know, I'm a bit vicious in it. So THANK YOU for rooting for me, Anonymous! *Free game at Pirate's Cove for you!!!

Well, that's all folks. Summer time is a time for relaxing with people I like outside, so I don't really feel the need to vent about people I hate on the computer. That's for the school year. Not that I'm taking a break - Becca doesn't take breaks from NUTHIN'. But I'm just giving you guys a heads up.

Okay, enjoy your Independence Day little buggers! Smile at a stranger today!

*Free Game not guaranteed