It's so hard because I know I'm not the only one who feels this way okay, I know because anyone I tell is like "Awww but you're not the only one who feels that way don't worry!"
Well yes, you're right, there are others. But GUESS THE FUCK WHAT. The exact reason we feel this way is the exact reason why none of us will ever get together. There's no community club for the "Socially awkward and unfriendly and homesick". No, and even if there were, no one would fucking go because we're all SOCIALLY AWKWARD AND UNFRIENDLY AND HOMESICK AND WOULD RATHER SIT IN OUR DORMS AND CRY. OR SOMETHING. Does it help that my uterus lining is shedding? No, no it doesn't help the situation at all. Fucking uterus linings SUCK. They suck almost as much as COLLEGE but I would rather go through and I think I'm serious about this (But I'm not quite sure) but I THINK I would rather go through an ENDLESS SIX MONTH PERIOD than go through 4 years of this miserable existence.
It's like...I realize that I'm overwhelmed because it's only the second week and I'm still adjusting to the massive workload -
Sidetrack....wanna talk about massive workload? Because I DON'T, but I WILL say that the reading I have to do for my "Environmental Justice Movement in the US" is well, well we talked about torture in my philosophy class and whether its ever morally acceptable, and let me just say that my reading for the aforementioned class is TORTURE and it is by NO means morally acceptable!!! Like, not only is it an online PDF so I have to stare at a screen for 4 hours (and don't even tell me to print it, because like fuck that and also, I don't feel like it and also, that would lesson my ability to whine about it) but it is LEGAL JARGON THAT MAKES SENSE TO APPROXIMATELY 4 PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY, AND ONE OF THEM IS OBAMA SO HE DOESN'T COUNT CUZ HE'S THE PRESIDENT. Sorry I'm not the fucking president!! Sorry that the reading is so boring that I fell asleep in BROAD DAYLIGHT AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP while trying to complete it. Okay? SORRY.
Man I sound awfully hormonal I think hahaha and I'm completely okay with it because like I said earlier FUCK UTERUS LININGS SERIOUSLY.
Ehem. Let me continue.
So then there's my LGBT class. Which is interesting and all, but it's a little scary that participation is worth 30% of your grade and while yes there are usually a couple things I'd like to say in class, it's a little difficult to talk because I'm just a straight little white girl from a small town in southern Maine. I get the impression that everyone hates me and I swear it's not just me because we do this check in thing where we all say our names and then whatever we'd like to share. Well what I shared today was that "I'm Becca and I'm really excited because my best friend is coming up to visit me this week!" I expected at least a FEW Aww's from the class, but the ONLY reaction came from the girl in the class that I'm already friends with. Then, like a slap to my face, the next person says they're getting a kitten this week and THE ENTIRE CLASS COOS. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. I'M PRETTY SURE BEST FRIENDS VISITING OVERWHELMED FRESHMEN IS A LITTLE MORE "AWW" WORTHY THAN A STUPID BABY CAT. Meanwhile, there's the handful of actual LGBT community members in that class and yes that's great and all and I don't have a problem with them except for one....Yes, I get that you're lesbian and you KNOW EVERYTHING AND ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS ENTIRE SUBJECT, BUT THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING THIS CLASS IF YOU ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING? You don't see me repeating fucking third grade do you?! It's just so hard to talk in that class because I feel like anything I say will be slightly indelicate or politically incorrect or just stupid and then everyone's gonna be like AGHHHHHHH I HATE YOU. Or something. I don't know. I'd come up with something more creative if I was HIGH, BUT I'M NOT, BECAUSE OF THE TICKET, BECAUSE FUCK RA'S.
Oh, and on that note, I talked to student legal services the other day and apparently, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO ANSWER THE DOOR THAT FAITHFUL NIGHT THAT THE COP KNOCKED. I could have pretended I didn't hear it, or said I was indecent and had no idea what the smell was. But again, I don't want to talk about that yet because it still gives me too much anxiety. I'd rather complain about things I can't control than discuss the one thing I could have controlled but didn't. Because I'm responsible and shit.
Okay, I think I've had enough of complaining about my classes because that also gives me anxiety. Time to vent about my roomie.
I'm going to preface by saying that she's very pleasant and she's a good roomie I guess in the sense that like, she can shut up if I'm doing homework and gave me this vix stick thing when I got a cold but... I'm going to make a bulleted list.
- She and her friends don't like adding "g's" to the ends of words such as "muddin(g)" "talkin(g)" "walkin(g)" etc because they feel too "proper" when they do that. I mean, not to judge them or anything but oh hahahahaha that was so funny Becca, as if you're not judging them, oh hahahaha what a funny joke that was. OF COURSE I'M FUCKING JUDGING YOU YOU HICKS. I PRONUNCIATE (spell check is telling me that's not a word but I'd like to think otherwise) THE SHIT OUT OF MY WORDS AND I....I look down on you for not. Yup. I do. Admitting it and proud.
- Whenever she tells me things that are like, shocking or that "suck" or that I'm supposed to react to she.....you know what, fuck this bullets thing, I'm gonna use pictures right now. Here's a simulation.
Her: "I had to go to the health center today and wait for TWO HOURS"
Pictured: I swear, this is no exaggeration, but this is what she does with her face after statements like that. More examples to follow. By the way, this is an actual conversation she had with me today. I like, didn't give even a particle of a shit.
Her: "And like, no one was even THERE"
Her: "And then they told me I have to drive to OLD TOWN to get my prescription"
This is what she does ON A REGULAR BASIS PRETTY MUCH DURING ANY CONVERSATION EVER. LIKE ANY STATEMENT SHE SAYS IS FOLLOWED BY A MOUTH AGAPE.
Some might say, hey Becca, shouldn't you watch it in case she reads your blog? And to those some, I would guffaw in their face and then ask them to go get me one of those
these things
To stuff in her face hole. Because like, why are you opening your mouth you silly girl? How many bugs have you ingested that way? How many birds have shit in your mouth? Are you really gonna tell me the answer to both of those is zero? If that's the case, I really hope that changes.
So....I mean, not all things are so dark. I made a friend on my floor who I met because she asked to look at my hemp bracelets (I had a sign on my door) and well, she's into hemp bracelets and wears tie dye so YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. Thank God for her but still. I miss home and literally everything that home represents. I'm tired of grilled cheeses being the only thing I can fathom eating. I miss like, variety and like, home cooked meals and also, people that I like. Because meeting people is so exhausting. You have to like, pretend that you're sociable and nice for like the first SEVERAL meetings, and that's so bogus. Also, what do I have to share? Hi, my name's Becca and I have a $400 ticket I have to pay because I'm a dumb fuck and literally while everyone around me is underage drinking, I take ONE HIT IN MY ROOM BY MYSELF, AND I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO PAY THE STATE SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS. RIGHT. JUSTICE. YEAH. LOVE IT.
Well I hope the rest of you are having a better week than I am. Thank God almighty Elizabeth is coming up to visit me <3 <3. Counting down the days til colombo day weekend. I just wanna poop in a solitary bathroom, ya know what I mean? Damn.
