I've spouted this idea

to my Carla and Anna before, but I feel that this is a rare occasion in which the entire world deserves to know what I bestowed upon them. And that's gonna require me to use the words "Republicans" and "Hippies" in very generalized ways...so don't be all "UM NUH UH" if you are one of these and you disagree. Because in that case, you're just...not my point. And if you're not my point, no one really wants to hear what you have to say at all. So anyway, keep it to yourself. Well...

Unless you're so outraged that it forces you to leave a...comment...

Actually I think I should avoid encouraging hate comments on my posts but that's just what being desperate does for a person I guess. Anyway, back to what I was going to talk about.

Okay, so I will admit that all the information I get about the world comes from either The Daily Show, Time Magazine, or Mr. Sante's class (my contemporary world issues teacher). Or papa, like when he told me, oh my god, sidetrack everyone, get this!!

GET THIS!!!!!!

This is what he told me.

Apparently scientists found this single celled organism like, six miles deep or a mile deep in the ocean or something. Immediately your reaction is like, no big deal. They find stupid little single cells everywhere. Who gives a shit about a cell I poop a bajillion of those every day.

Yeah well consider that the cell was FOUR INCHES IN FUCKING DIAMETER!!!!

I was like, why isn't that national news being blared across the soundwaves?! I mean don't you agree that's the coolest thing ever??

http://www.zmescience.com/science/oceanography/biggest-single-cell-xenophyophore-24102011/

Okay, back to what I was talking about. I forget, but thank golly I'm writing, right?

Oh right. So those are the only things I really get my current issue information from (if you also forgot, see above). But I figure that these things are roughly the most reliable information sources out there. Unfortunately the fact that two of the three (John Stewart & Time Mag) are probably considered "leftist" whether or not the name-caller considers that synonymous with "logical". But the fact of the matter is John Stewart and Time really are the most accurate and logical things out there, because the shit they print is just fact. They gather information, data, and results which are foreign words to people who spew rhetoric instead.

But I'm not even talking about them. I'm talking about if you look at some of the core foundations for what Republicans and "dirty hippies" believe, you're looking at the same pile of shit and it's called anti-science, also known to the rest of the world as anti-logic, -reason, -sense, etc. Seriously though - think about it

WARNING

Generalizing about to begin

Seriously, don't get offended, but just step back and view it from a third eye. No matter what your side on the abortion debate is (and nobody cares what it is - trust me I swear to all things holy that NO one wants to hear your argument no matter WHAT side you are on) you have to admit that the pro-life side uses faith and belief as opposed to medical and scientific fact as the basis for their arguments. So there's that, and then there's the fact that a lot of Republicans running for office now (Like that chick dude....

Yup, her.

Anyway, she's all like "Yeah watch out for those big vacceeeeeenations folks!!! They're out there causing Autism and the likes!!! We American's can handle a bout of Polio, break out the muskets, the Government is shamming us into forced medication! Probably controlling our brains too!! And oh also about that double fence we should build between us and Mexico-"

Whooooa slow down lady, don't get off topic. I can't make fun of you not only because that's not my point but I also don't really know that much about you teehee...oops, I still did it anyway!! Anyway, point is, she insists the link between Autism and vaccinations is real.....

And then there's the unfortunate number of Republicans who favor creationism to be taught alongside evolution in public schools...

And what does a Republican hate more than a dirty hippie?? And vice versa?? But hippies hold fast to the same ridiculous values - like believing in any kind of non-medical, herby, 100% natural remedy while proclaiming strict opposition to medical, synthetic cures because they're "man-made". They want nothing to do with "the man" so they automatically and senselessly disprove of everything that "the man" encourages, because there's no way "the man" could ever want to help them. Or having an aversion to any and all technology without realizing that by doing so they are the ones going against nature because it's the very nature of humans to evolve and adapt and progress. We may be going in the wrong direction with technology, but the answer isn't to turn it off completely and holy shit I am wearing this sweater and it is making me nose stuffy as shit and I sneezed twice in a row and now I keep smelling MUSTARD, OF ALL THINGS.

Not even a remotely pleasant smell. I feel awful!!!

Ya, I'm one of those people today.

Okay and back to what I was saying...well, it's living proof that the opposite ends of the spectrum always fall on the same radical principles, which mainly rest on concepts such as "Avoid logic" and "Other side is always wrong - never admit defeat". 

And like, everyone should stop doing that. Don't you agree? I mean, I guess if you want to live in your own fantasy world of make believe where what you say is actually the truth just because you said it, that's your problem, but don't go around turning your rhetoric into evidence why any other way of life is absolutely inhumane and backward. Let the rest of the world stumble into logic by studying their surroundings, like the Allegory of the Cave...I think.

Something like that.

Girls, I'm sorry

that I keep bitching about you these days, and I promise I'll even it out and rant about guys as soon as they do something that pisses me off, but you ladies just really have a knack for deserving it!!!

I mean, I have been waiting since lunch today to talk about fucking HAIR EXTENSIONS!!!!!!!!!

Gah, I can't even find a picture online that does it any justice...but have you ever seen girls with those clip in hair extensions that they actually take the painstaking time to do every morning and usually like five weeks after getting them, shit starts to get really sloppy. Like, you can see the clips very clearly in the bald patches of their head, and the extensions are all knotted and discolored and very obviously not real hair.

Have you ever seen that? No? Okay, if not, consider yourself THE LUCKIEST LITTLE FUCKER(s) ALIVE. Because I HAVE SEEN THIS SHIT, OKAY?

It's really disgusting and unappealing to say the least, and at the root of it all it's just funny with a twinge of pity because it's like, ladies, you're putting all this extra effort in and you're just looking worse in the process.

Also bitches - THAT'S FUCKING CHEATING!!!!!!!

If you want long hair you chunks of ego, fucking grow it out!!! Or admit that you're a lazy, impatient, high-maintenance wanna-be who also probably has nasty-ass unhealthy hair incapable of growing past shoulder length anyway...at least without reducing to a couple strands of spaghetti.

Have you ever heard of the song Easy by The Dirty Heads?

You probably have because I'm pretty sure I've heard it somewhere before too...but you should listen to it right now regardless.

Oh hahaha thank goodness I kept the tab open - just realized I have another favorite!! It's pretty specific, but at the same time I think everyone has seen it...when a chick takes a picture of herself in the mirror with phone (or camera, I suppose) and her face is out of focus (i.e. her hand fucked up while she was concentrating on sticking her booty up, sucking her stomach in, shoving her chest out, and stretching her face into a gremlin-like grin all while trying to hold her arm out and press a button?! That is hard shit - give her a break) but anyway, her body still looks kind of good thanks to the tactics described in the parentheses so she keeps it. It's like...

It makes me wish I had a nice picture taking phone too... but unfortunately...oh wait, my phone does take pictures.

Oh I know what I am missing!!!

A PIECE OF

Oh my god hahahaha. That was almost just really a tragedy. Well I was going to say I was missing a piece of "slut pie" and then I was going to continue on about my point being that these girls have a slice of slut in their personality and I just haven't eaten that pie and so on but first I was gonna do a nice picture of a pie! Yummmmmy, everyone likes pie!!

Well guess what I accidentally googled, unlike the very intelligent "pie" search that yielded the image above??

I googled slut pie, and thank God I didn't start under images because I realized within a glance at the web results that the images were NOT going to be something I wanna see right now. Nooooo thank you. So, phew, dodged that bullet!!

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Well no, that's enough. New topic....

OOOooookkkayyy never mind on that idea too!! I was going to make a dead baby joke because a) it's an option on the poll b) dead baby jokes are funny and c) I was gonna start it off with an image - great idea right? Well a google image search for "dead babies" is surprisingly unsettling and I don't really feel comfortable making a dead baby joke anymore. Sorry. But I'll do a nice picture because I don't wanna think about the dead babies anymore haha.

I LOVE FALL!!!

Fall isn't bashful to turn into winter because it's like "Yeah, you bitches think you're gonna be so sad when summer ends, but actually I'm going to distract you with the most SPECTACULAR SPLENDOR AND BEAUTY YOUR EYES HAVE EVER BEHELD so you don't even notice what you're missing!!!"

Oh and one last thing...tomorrow I am going in for major facial reconstruction surgery and I will be facially immobile for like a few days or something...essentially I will become a chipmunk.

If you are confused, please see hint 1

hint 1: don't take me so seriously

But please do not depart before considering hint 2.

hint 2: so which part are you supposed to not take seriously, hint 1 or the facial reconstruction thing?? 

Slight form of autism?

Do I have that? Lol because really think about it....I'm pretty smart when it comes to smart stuff, but when it comes to common everyday stuff I can be pretty awkward or confused about it. But then again I think to myself, that's a little bullshit because you could argue that pretty much anyone is autistic if they have some sort of...learning...not a disability, or flaw, but difference.

Probably because we're all vaccinated right??? Wait, didn't you guys hear the news????

Vaccines cause Autism!!! Omg!!!!

Oh wait except I didn't mean that news, I meant the more important news:

NO THEY DON'T!!!!

You know, I wrote an essay about the bullshit vaccine conspiracy back in debate class, and I'd share that with y'all except 

• it's from sophomore year so no one wants to read that shit
• it's an essay for school so no one wants to read that shit
• it's got a lot of facts and stuff and facts are like boring and stuff and it's much more convenient to invent facts in your head because then you can support whatever bullshit idea you want!!!
• I don't know where it is, it might be on my google docs account but guess who's too lazy to check? Me.
• why are these bullets so stupid looking?? Am I right??? This is silly.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR A SEGUE!!!!

Because if you want to hear something you should never ever get vaccinated against, it's love, which is exactly the plot of the book I'm reading, Delirium by Lauren Oliver!!!!

Yes, that was the segue. Now I'm going to talk about what pissed me off about this book about an hour ago when I was reading it. There was a part where the girl main character was in the process of having her life saved by "the boy" (you know, the mysterious dangerous one she shouldn't even know, let alone be spending time with? You know, the one who is way too handsome for her and far out of her reach but still somehow seems to have an interest in her? Yes, of course you know, because it's the same fucking male character in every young adult novel ever, EVER.)

Anyway, so she's having her life saved and they're finally resting after a long flee and escape from - you guessed it - futuristic law enforcement. And there's a point where Narrator Girl is like "And then he told me what to do, and I was relieved to be told what to do because I am just a girl and after running for a long period of time, I need to be told what to do because unlike this Mysterious Brooding Boy (MBB) I am weak and fragile and I need him"

And I stepped back after reading this (I mean what I quoted is very nearly verbatim...almost) and thought to myself, well fuck, that's what happens in every YA novel too.

And well, I'm just tired of this pattern now that I'm finally realizing it...because I grew up thriving on this shit, devouring a book every weekend, and what lesson was being drilled into my head with every word? Girls are just self conscious, clumsy, goofy, awkward individuals. Misfits with a hole that needs to be filled with this REALLY AMAZING NEW BOY WHO HAS ENTERED OUR LIVES OMG HIS EYES ARE TOPAZ AMBER FLAMINGO PURPLE MOUNTAIN MAJESTIES FIRE ENGINE RED DRAGON BREATH BLACK EBONY CRYSTAL STONE JADE HONEY COLORED DEPENDING ON WHAT MOOD HE'S IN OMG HE'S SO DREAMY OMG HE LIKES ME WHAT WHAT HE LIKES ME HOW COULD THIS BE BUT I'M JUST A GIRL AND HE'S A BOY OMGGGGGGGG OMGGGGGGGGGGG LIKE I AM ON THIS IMPORTANT MISSION TO SAVE THE WORLD OR LEAD A COUNTRY OR SOME SHIT BUT I AM JUST GOO GOO GAGA CUZ OF THIS BOY RIGHT NOW.

Except for two books, and they're actually a series, and Harry Potter doesn't even really count because the main character is a boy, though it's still remarkable that Hermione is a kickass bitch. So then there's only one series, and it's the Hunger Games Trilogy (I have no idea if I'm doing this italicized shit correctly haha but I'm trying my best okay so bear with me) by Suzanne Collins. And Katniss is another, quite possibly bad-asser chick who actually manipulates a relationship with a boy to survive...very fascinating and bravo girly!! Bravvvvoooo!!!!

Oh, and The Scarlet Letter which is awesome obviously.

Edit: Just for reference, the bullets looked a lot sillier before the post was published, so you guys and gals can't even fully appreciate how dumb they were. Just sayin'.

I'd like to start with a round of applause

for chicks who take pictures like this

because it's like you know what, congratulations, really and truly. You can contort yourself and position your hands strategically enough that your body becomes less of a body and more of an s-shaped contraption. That's really attractive and it makes people want to have sex with you!!! A lot!!! 

So carry on, fellow young women of the world! Carry on treating your body as if it's a gourmet dinner garnished up for everyone's eyes and taste-buds. Please continue not only revealing every square inch of yourself, but highlighting and drawing attention to certain key points. Really, it's okay if you can think of yourself as nothing more than an object for men to feast upon, in all meanings of that phrase.

A red lil mo'fuckin' panda to lighten the mood.

I just, I especially like it when I see girls who are like, three years younger than me who do shit like this. Because then it's like, oh wow not only are you still in your ugly phase in life, but even if you did somehow manage to look attractive, it's fucking illegal for pretty much anyone to even think that, so back offfffff and also why aren't you still playing with barbies?! I played with barbies until 7th grade, and for some reason this was massively embarrassing to me until like...well I don't know when it stopped being embarrassing, but my point is, everyone should play with their barbies a little more and put on mini skirts and eyeliner a little less.

I mean, that's my opinion, but at the same time I actually sympathize with Abigail from The Crucible, and if you don't know what I'm talking about then it sucks a lot of soggy popsicle sticks to be you cuz I'm deffo not going to explain it. You can google it if you care though!!

So...yeah.

Hahaha oh man and back to these girls....these girls who take pictures like that also always have at least 40 other ones of their faces plastered with the same straight, joyless, empty smiles and cold, dead, staring eyes and 10 million (est.) comments on each spewing such brilliancies as "your so pretty omg :))" and "Get ugly. I hate you" or the ever so classic "beautiful".

And it's like...I'm not saying these things out of vengeance or even to be funny (though I'm fully aware of my status as a funny shit). I'm saying them because I don't think anyone else is cluing these ladies in on their idiocy, and I feel it's my duty to say

HEY LADIES, CUT IT OUT.

or something of the sort. These "maidens" are so focused on themselves that they don't notice they're focused on themselves, and their friends are too focused on their own selves to worry about their friends' selves, and so on and so forth and footh and booth, etc., etc. So I will take one for the team and be the outcry victim

YES, THE OUTCRY VICTIM

because we are ALL victims for being subjected to this unappealing, desperately try-hard personality in so many useless people. Am I right or am I cynical - hint: it's okay to be both and oftentimes hard not to be..........

Look, it's a picture of an eclipse and then a song called eclipse. Why don't you go play that song now, eh?




..... play it.

And so what I was thinking about the other night was this....

I guess I was thinking about the soulless do-gooders of society who participate in all sorts of...activities or clubs or community projects or whatever not because they want to help those in need or whatever, but because they have a gaping hole where a personality is supposed to fit and without it they're terrified to be alone or without a purpose, so they must busy themselves with things to do that mean something.

And I asked myself, isn't this an exact parallel to space exploration? I mean, do we really think there's something out there that we can reach (do we really just want to help out and participate) or are we simply too terrified to accept singularity and isolation and non-purposefulness (we are really just empty, empty souls).

Well look at that!!! This reminds me of when I was obsessed with having an astronomy-themed room back in 8th grade!!! Haha it legit came from like googling images of the universe and setting different sick ass pictures as my computer desktop...

Then I was like "DADDY CAN WE PLEASE MAKE MY ROOM ASTRONOMY THEMED" and he laughed in my face. He also did that when I asked if I could get a foreign exchange student!!

These laughs HURT because I could not be any more serious.

Anyway, this also prompted me to listen to Drops of Jupiter for several reasons, first and foremost being

IT'S A FAB FUCKING SONG

But also, and nearly as importantly, it is universe themed, and also and equally as importantly, I heard it today and understood the metaphor of it for the first time. So I don't know if that's thick headed of me because it's obvious or...thin headed of me because it's...not obvious, but the fact still stands.

Saved ya the trouble of looking it up!! Hint hint : hit playyyyyyy......

By the way you bum bum bumbling buffoons, why are there only 6 votes on that poll I've got in the corner? I've had more than 6 unique views since I've put that up...so cut the shit.

Vote the poll bitchasses! It's fun too - you're not even answering anything in particular, you're just answering the poll! With whatever you feel!

Okay well that's everything. 

Well I'm not pleased that 50% of my posts must begin

with facebook, but they do, and it's not my fault it's FACEBOOK'S fault.

I was just trying to figure out if Facebook is still going to be only an internet fad and will fade out in the next few, even ten years OR if it will permanently make itself a member of society? For good, like telephone and television have become? I mean television revolutionized politics on its own, and it has only been around since the fifties. Look at the internet go when it's only like ten years old (or however old the internet is...I mean, I know it's over ten years old but like no one gave a shit about the internet ten years ago...well like they did but...stop badgering me) and Facebook is only like....in first grade!!!!!


Butttttt Facebook has made suuuuuuuuuch a deep, quick impact on us that we can't even remember not having it. And so we can't imagine not having it. I mean, even if you're a little shit sitting there going "I only check my facebook like, thrice a week. Yeah, thrice. I said it," then you can shut up because that checking it three times a week still means you CHECK IT.

And Facebook is a little news center! It updates you on what everyone is up to and yes we've gone over how dreadfully annoying this is but it's fascinating...we know immediately what's going on with EVERYONE WE KNOW. And when a big moment in life happens, it is announced on Facebook, and when you see that big event occur you say to yourself "Omigod what a large event lemme go make a fuss about it".

And still, even for those who actually don't use Facebook at all, it remains a huge part of the world because it is massively connected to information and revolutionary technology in terms of...website-ing.

SoOoOoooooooo my great big original point is

I wonder if it's at all possible that Facebook could ever fade out like Myspace or really any huge sensation, or if it will remain in human lives....forever..............................

Like methods of communication become Call, Text, Facebook and everyone is instructed to get one on their thirteenth birthday but you start taking classes in like fifth grade on how to keep your profile "appropriate" or "worthy".......

Hey, get out of the depths of the darkest streets of the blackest cemeteries of my mind! Ehehehheeheheheehhe. HAPPY MONTH OF HAUNTOBER, MY PRETTIES!!!!!!

(you obviously know I'm kidding and find you all utterly repulsive)

Anyway, yeah, the spirits are oot 'n aboot and so are the candies and the LSD-child-dosing maniacs and the vomiting pumpkins on porch steps and the vomiting fifteen year olds on deck steps. It is soooo fantastic and fun, don't you think?!

Well I think so and if you disagree you should stop reading my blog now...because it's basically an invitation to my mind and you're not deserving of that if YOU DON'T THINK HALLOWEEN IS GRAND!! Almost as grand as a

omigawd I want all of those

PS...Hi, I'm back way later and it is 9 pm now and I'd just like to say that I FUCKING ADORE getting high and watching Super Couponers lol....it's just really fascinating for some reason. Now do with that information what you see fit. 

I'm saying this, by the way, because I plan to go watch it but I'm probably going to keep getting distracted and end up never going downstairs in time...but it's the thought that counts. Tootle de loo!