I'll apologize ahead of time to whoever I'll offend,

but the following argument just seemed so logical to me that I can't not share it. Because here I am listening to

(I'm sorry the formatting is going to be so messed up right now hahaha, I am clearly having one of those cursed days with the computer if you know what I mean and I think you do, because it's precisely what happened to me A YEAR AGO when I wrote MY FIRST POST EVER!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, it's true. Happy anniversary you boogers! Anyway, moving on)

Well I'm going to ask you to please listen to that song if you plan on understanding my point in this post. Because I don't really want to ramble on and explain the song and its lyrics, that's why I provided you the link. So if you want to waste your resources and not listen, you're just going to be a floating speck of dust and boogers for the next few paragraphs with a general sense of what's going on without knowing what I'm really talking about. So just listen.

Anyway I'm gonna go back on my word right now and explain the song haha but whatever. It's basically a broken family with a poor little kid caught in the middle of it. Here's what I think people forget: adults suck. Adulthood sucks. I mean, unless you manage to find yourself in a sturdy, happy, responsible lifestyle (which, as I watch everyone around me, I find is a really hit or miss situation). But especially as young adults, you're just ... you're just getting used to what it's like to be an adult after being a kid for so long yourself.

But it's not just about age necessarily. It's about how prepared a parent is to have a child. I don't care what age you are, if you're having a baby, you should be prepared to devote the next 12 or so years to your child's life, which is around the time they'll start hating you and you can breathe again (but by then you obviously won't want to because come on, we all know parents). Not to say you can plbbbpptt out after a dozen years but what I'm saying is having a child isn't just a hobby. It's not a part time job. If you are making the decision that you want to pay for, provide for, teach, and take responsibility for a recklessly individual human being for 18 years, then you need to make sure you can devote the time, energy, money, and maturity. TEMM. METM. ETMM. Whichever helps you remember the most.

I'm not even trying to say that NO parents are doing that today because that's absolutely bogus and incorrect. It's just that there is an increasing minority of parents who do enter parenthood blindly and carelessly, and do you know who pays for that shit?

Everyone else on the fucking plannnnetttttttt people.

Did you know there are 7 billion people on the planet? Wow, that is like, a lot of people. And did you know China has that one-child-per-family rule? Okay? So first of all thank your lucky stars that you live somewhere where you even hold reproductive rights. Now, think about all the incredibly smart people it takes to uphold a society that can handle reproductive rights, and think about the incredibly useless and worthless people (sorry but those exist and if you're one of them well you're not because you're reading this blog so don't worry, you are definitely good. Unless you're of course worthless, in which case even I can't help you). Do you want to contribute to society? Do you think you can create a healthy environment where a child can grow and thrive and not just manage not to forget to breathe but actually pay society back for its weight in carbon emissions? Because if not, I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but I don't think you should plop out a little one to screw things up a tiny little bit more for the rest of us.

On the topic of holidays and the like

since I figure I might as well throw you guys a relevant title every once and a while. But yeah two catalysts triggered my need to post about the holidays.

First, John Stewart. My only favorite person that has ever probably existed and will ever exist again ever. He made a really fucking good point against the  "War on Christmas" that Fox claims America is waging by taking Christmas out of store-greetings and calling Christmas trees "Holiday Trees". (And on a side note about that sentence, let's just make it clear that obviously stores should leave Christmas out of holiday greetings because it's like...not everyone celebrates Christmas. And as an individual who has gone through copious amounts of this awkwardness I can tell you, it's SO not worth assuming someone celebrates Christmas. On the other hands, Christmas trees are Christmas trees and have never been anything else and will never be anything more so for the love of God and even the atheists, call it what it is and no more of this HOLIDAY TREE boooollllllllshaaaattttttttt)

And that's basically what Jon Stewart said. Like, no you guys, there actually isn't a fucking war on Christmas, there are actually loads of people who don't want to be wished a Merry Christmas, and a lot of other brilliant Jon Stewart-isms. Actually, just forget all that I said and watch it here. It's worth it.


That's the first time I've been snapped back to reality since I've been watching Fox News every morning since freshman year. Why do I watch it you ask? I don't really know. I like the relaxed Fox and Friends style I guess... But seriously, Jon Stewart made me realize wow am I tired of hearing this shit, because their claims really are bogus. And then Carly came home this weekend and we both had a ridiculous vent session about how difficult it is to be Jewish in December.

First of all, by even mentioning this I'm making myself sound like the fucking Grinch in half of your eyes. How dare I not be at least cheerful of the season, people ask me, as they're handing me a candy cane while wearing a reindeer sweater and a Santa Claus hat and Jingle Bells is playing on the radio. Jingle bells doesn't even say anything about Christmas, they argue. Oh, touche, hadn't thought of that. Hadn't thought of the fact that it's still played in the absolute abundance of all things that ARE Christmas for example red and green wreaths and santas and pine trees and those new boots for sale and mistletoe and dingly ringly jingly bells and blinking lights and the enormous santa claus factory with a train running through it in the middle of the mall....should I go on? No, because then I'd never stop,

Oh but look! they exclaim, pointing out the shelf at Target that I already noticed four minutes ago. They have a Jewish section!!

And what a proud fucking Jewish section it is.

(Courtesy of this blogpost that is actually celebrating this weak-old-person-fart of a display)

Yeah you know, I get that you're trying to be inclusive and stuff, but that's the same shit I remember seeing since 2002. Is it that much to ask for like, an update, or maybe like a menorah that isn't just fifteen dollars.

And what people don't realize is that while everyone grows up and experiences the subtle loss of magic the holidays once held over them as children, it's different for people who don't celebrate Christmas. Because if they celebrate other holidays, they're still reminded of Christmas everywhere they fucking step outside, just like you guys are. The difference is, we don't get to be reminded of our holiday. It sucks and it's uncomfortable and you don't even remember it's Chanukah until you're home, and you see the decorations that you've garnished your living room up in every December since you can remember, even though you're finally realizing its true purpose: to remind you that here we celebrate Chanukah, and we get excited for CHANUKAH and if everyone is going to jam Christmas down our throats and ears and eyes via every seasonal treat and holiday song and television special, then by golly we're going to shove Chanukah down our own throats as a mouthwash to get that sickening eggnog taste out of our mouths. The result is...now that I'm older, this time of year encourages a pitifully low amount of cheer, and all the Christmas stuff in the world only makes me bitter.

Do I want to be bitter? No! Do you know how much I used to try to get excited about Christmas for other people, for their sake? And how much I still do? I want to like the Grinch Stole Christmas, it would be so convenient to love the smell of pinetrees and walnuts and ham or whatever it is this time of year smells like. But I can't because I just simply do not celebrate that holiday. And you do and that is perfectly fine! I'm excited for you that you celebrate it. But please let me fucking leave it be at just that! I don't give two, not even one, not even one divided by infiniti shits about Christmas. And like...I'm sorry. I genuinely am. I wish that I did. It would be so much better for both of us if I did, probably. Unless you're Jewish or otherwise excluded from Christmas - then we'll only get each other on a whole 'nother level because of it.

But the truth is, it's always been a horribly conflicting time of year for my sister and I, and it's really only something other Jews can understand. What are we supposed to say when we're at Corningwear buying a bunch of kitchen shit because it's on sale and Papa gets a 30% off discount because he works at Corning, and he's also buying stuff for Carly's apartment as an early Chanukah present and we also, as a collective family, look awkward and weird as shit, and the cashier lady says , "Doing early Christmas shopping?"

My throat literally shuts in situations like that - I can't explain it any differently. I am literally physically incapable of saying "Yes" because no, I am not fucking doing Christmas shopping in any way whatsoever and you are not correct. But I despise the whole "Uh er well Chanukah Shopping heh" and the immediate "OH I'M SO SORRY OH CHANUKAH THAT IS FUN!" and heaven forbid you're in a situation like a haircut or something and you have to talk to this person for a prolonged period of time? By the end of your session, your companion will know your family's entire traditions concerning the holiday as well as common misconceptions and fun facts.

Oh and wait. It get's better. There's always a kid, and when I say always I mean always as in every fucking time, always, absolutely in every situation ever, a kid who loudly exclaims "OR CHANUKAH/HOLIDAYS" whenever a teacher says anything Christmas related. It's like, no, fucking drop it. If a teacher is vacant enough not to realize I'm in the class and I'm Jewish, then just let them live in their own pleasant little world where everyone celebrates Christmas and don't intrude and put me on the spot because I'm perfectly content to be the invisible Jewish girl in the corner and I don't appreciate you making the teacher feel like an asshole, because they don't have anything to apologize for. I mean, it means a lot to me when teachers do remember that I'm Jewish and remember on their own to wish me a Happy Chanukah, so please don't bother the ones who can't do that.

This is not an attack. Please don't take this as an offense to all things you hold near and dear to your heart. It's just...a glimpse into the mind of what it's like for people who don't celebrate Christmas, because there are a lot of us out there.  And I think we all feel a similar connection this time of year that people who do celebrate Christmas won't quite ever understand, and maybe this will help those people understand.

If not, I've just made myself look like possibly the most bitter person in the world at this moment. And that's okay, because I am, but I'm hoping my explanation will help you realize it's justified.

Happy December 17th!

Here are some funny quips

This is a little dollop of frosting I found on Facebook.

This status

"I miss soccer so much it is killing me from head to toe. I miss the feel of my cleats against turf, I miss wearing socks that go up to my knees, I miss the soccer ball forming around my foot when I kick it, I miss working so hard to get the ball that sweat drips down my face and soaks my clothes, and I miss the ache in my legs telling me that I worked hard enough to make a difference. </3"


And no, don't jump to conclusions, because I'm not at all ragging on the status, it was a comment it got in response that dropped my jaw.

Oh... Ohh....Oh what a helpful response. Like, this poor girl is letting facebook in on what her brain is going through on this first period of life without soccer, and this bitch is all like "Aw, it's okay though! Like, feel better and stuff!" Omg whaaaaaaat a fantastic response. Ugh, I've had enough of that.

It just...bothers me too much....

Okay moving on.

Well lately it's weird because all that's really on my mind is a lot of cliche stuff about senior year and realizations about growing up...stuff I know has been said a thousand times and I don't feel like rephrasing. I mean obviously there's a shit ton more stuff on my mind, but we're only discussing the small folder titled "stuff we can share with Others". You still with me?

Picture a filing cabinet. That folder is inside of one of those manilla folders there. And there are fifty of those filing cabinets in my mind. So you do the math.

Haha, anyway, here's another winner I just pulled out of that folder!! See sometimes the folder is stocked absolutely chock full and makes the drawer bulge out uncomfortably, and other times its so empty it almost has a negative volume. So now is one of those times where papers are flying in and out randomly and I have no control over anything but the one that's gripped in my hands right now.

(We're going to expand on this metaphor and embellish it throughout this blog {or maybe not, if I don't feel like it, which I probably won't} because that's just kind of my thing right now so stick with it)

Alright, let's reel ourselves back to our point here. And the point is.... CHOPPED IS AN AWESOME SHOW FOOD NETWORK!!! AN AWESOME SHOW!!!

I would do a picture of that right now, and I'm going to explain that later on. But back to Chopped...if you haven't watched an episode yet, cut the shit and watch one already. They're sometimes on all the time, and sometimes not on for a week, so go on then. Watch one.

Anyway, it's later so I guess I can explain why I didn't include a picture. That's because when I do pictures in here, they show up in google image results for searches of those images. So then I get pageviews but it's actually just fuckers out there searching for "quiet volcanic eruptions" or "baby red panda" and I don't think many of them read my blog because let's be honest...how often do you  check out the website for an image you look up on google? (Lol at the accidental underline of the space between "you" and "check" haha I suck at things and life in general)

Maybe everyone here should listen to Helen by Nizlopi.

Liiiiiiike right now.

Well, that's all I have to say cubscouts. I have oodles of appreciation for every view that DOES mean a written word of mine was read, and I thank no one but YOU for it. 

(--)            (--)

W

(         )

Well I tried to make a face but it's really tiresome and not all that rewarding, but at least to me it looks like a vampire chicken thing with either a potbelly or cute little wings. See what you wanna see, and check out the poll shalalalaladies and gentlemen. Cast your vote today!!!

P.S. don't you just love when you're sitting there trying to think of a p.s. to write (which totally and completely violates the purpose of a p.s. but piss off) and then your Pandora station starts playing the song the station is for! For example, "Furr" by Blitzen Trapper just started playing on my "Furr" radio. It's always like, fuck yah!!! That's EXACTLY what I'm talkin' bout!!!

Okay kiddos, so first of all,

I've noticed most of my titles have nothing to do with my posts whatsoever and for the most part are totally vague and provide no clue at all. So that's funny and stuff.

Anyway, also sorry that I don't post in here allllllll the frikety friken time in here anymore - there are reasons for this.

1: Life has been hectic with college shitata lately because I kind of made a spur of the moment decision to apply to 7 more colleges than I was planning for a whopping total of 8 and well....that's no fun.

1A: Because of this first reason actually, my life has become steadily less interesting so I have less delightful stories to tell you all about. But finally and most importantly,

2: A lot of the people I'd normally rant about are now telling me they read my blog and think it's HILLAAAARIIIIOUUUUSSSS

Pictured: One of you laughing (probably)

Haha funny how that works though right? Anyway so now I have to be slightly more careful what I say, but don't worry I will forget about that someday I'm sure. Or at least not care about it at one point.

Anyway, if you are reading this you realize you are now potentially one of the people I secretly want to rant about right now right? You know to be honest, I don't have a specific person in mind, but I know you are wondering if I have the idea of you in my mind. Let's hope for your sake it isn't you right?

Hehh hehh hehhhh.

Okay so anyway there's a comment I might as well address and I admit this is sort of a copout when I can't think of anything to write about but still want to post. But think of it this way: we both win. I get to write my blah-blah-blah, and you get to read it, and I know you're only reading it this far if you love it, so you obviously love it, so you love that I'm writing it, etc, etc, we all win. {{{subliminal messaging:send some of your loved ones some love via showing them this blog over the holidays....just an idea...but actually no, i'm ordering it cuz i can do that cuz this is just......subliminal........}}} Alright, let's get on with the show. This is the comment:

Oh, I can't resist, I'll do all of them, cuz I just love all of them and like I said, we both win since I get to write more and you get to read more. Okay so first one

"This pairs perfectly with my morning (anytime actually) coffee. So please, keep writing because it is/YOU are dynamite. Now on to the funky hair... If you walk in with head full of rainbow locks, or looking like sailor mini moon, hey they might judge you. I wouldn't. I would give you a free meal plan. HOWEVER much of that polychromasia is hidden. Do I get commenter points for using a dope word? Because I feel I should. So the admissions officer may be thinking something like this: You know...this girl is pretty smart, zealous. I hope shes not one of those kids that comes and has something about the school she needs to change....and then we have to put up with all those petitions they send us and fuck...is that purple in her hair? Purples my favorite fucking color. Did I just get a boner? Shit...this girl means business, IIII LIKE HER. ^^Something like that ;) 

~Anonymous

You literally win the best comment ever award. So yeah, commenter points coming your way. I like the sound of that.

1000 points for you!!

"http://www.google.com/imgres?q=energizer+bunny&hl=en&biw=1366&bih=643&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=HiL1twTkcIWe9M:&imgrefurl=http://couponkatarina.com/2011/06/request-an-energizer-coupon-booklet-via-text/&docid=Pvf1CF4wvT0p8M&imgurl=http://couponkatarina.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/energizer-bunny.jpg&w=1024&h=923&ei=WjzYTrbNDYrY0QHH0PzmDQ&zoom=1 Wow, I didn't know it was going to be that long, or does it just look that way because the comment box is small?"

(shortly followed by)

"Nope it's still kinda long, never mind about that part."

~Anonymous

This one wins the darling-est comment award

Aahhhhh this picture will make you vomit it's so cute, I know you'll be honored to receive it as your reward!!

Alright we all know that's not the comment I'm getting at. Here we go.

"You're sure right about not all Muslims being evil terrorists. I just wished the media would give everyone a fair shake and cover the horrible atrocities that the Israeli Jews have been committing for the past century. Of course that will never happen. The US media, politicians and allies have there nose so far up Netanyahu's ass that they can smell out his mouth. Don't be naive and think that violence against Israel is unprovoked. There's a certain level of give or take going on there, and the Israelis are certainly doing a lot of 'giving' in the form of kidnappings, torture, civilian bombings, international sabotage (google stuxnet virus) and other forms of clandestine activity...all backed by the CIA and European coalition. There is a reason most of the middle east hates the west, and I can tell you right now its not because they are envious of our "freedom and democracy". Absolutely no one is innocent"

~Anonymous

Well I'm certainly not going to embarrass myself into getting in a debate about this with you because apparently I would be expected to know who this "Netanyahu" dude is in particular. I mean, I know I've heard the name, but you'll probably insist on specifics so I'm just going to focus on the fact that you, my friend, completely missed the point of that post.

That post was meant to admit my mother's racism (something my dad isn't entirely innocent of either) in a poignant manner...ish-ish. It wasn't about the tension in the Middle East against Arab countries and Israel; it was about the tension in my personal life between one religion and another, and I see it all the time. Get it? Do you see why I didn't post bullshit about whatever the fuck is going on in the middle east?? Because I don't really know the ins and outs of everything and I can't pretend that I don't have a bias because of course I have a bias. Your comment sounded significantly biased as well. So congratulations and a job well done, and of course keep up the good work because in begging for internet comments I should obviously expect nothing better.

But on a more serious note, your comment had an uncomfortably hateful edge to it and I'd prefer if you read through a lot more of this blog and try to laugh and think out of the box for a little, because maybe you won't feel the need to ever share angry/hateful theories. Literally, your comment is the epitome of everything I think this blog is in protest of. Bias, anger, ass-holeishness, and not to mention a comment on MY fucking post without a SINGLE nod to me or my perfection? Like you can't just come right out and say "Hi I'm a psycho with psycho political views and also I'm psychotic but Becca, this blog is fucking hilarious except for the fact that you're Jewish which may or may not make me hate you, I'm not sure since this isn't really me it's you pretending to be me, but you get the idea".

All I'm asking for is a little respect people. If not for every citizen of the world, then LEAST OF all for me. After all, am I not the cream of the crop?

Cream of the corn, at least.