Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Okay listen up fuckaroos

Yes do you like that nickname? Haha I love this hot/cold relationship I have with you people. Anyway, several things to discuss.

FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, SO THAT I DON'T FORGET, HOW ON EARTH IS ONE TO BALANCE AN ICE PACK ON THEIR FEET BUT WITHOUT FLEXING THEIR FEET BECAUSE THE ICE PACK IS FOR A SORE TENDON? Stupid feet tendons! What do they even do anyway! It's not like we wouldn't be perfectly fine without them or anything!!! I'm going to rip all of my tendons out tomorrow and I think it's going to do me a world of good and I suggest you do the same.


Buggering extensor brevises


Okay I think I just figured out the trick is to put your foot against the desk at such an angle that the pack can rest on yar foot. Enough about feet though. They are pains in the ARSE and all they do is smell or look ugly or like, move you from A to B. But who wants to get to B? What's the point of going to B?


Anyway, I know I failed everyone by not having a 4/20 post....the thing is, I have legitimate excuses. Let me rattle them off uno by uno.

Uno: I just got back from camping that day, and I was deliriously tired

Uno: Despite that, I DID start on a post and got a couple paragraphs in before I fucking FACT CHECKED myself and realized what I was about to ramble on about was WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Such a thing is a startling thing to happen to such a person such as me, like such as and the iraq and, some people in our nation don't have maps - er sorry got a little off track there. But no it's a funny story. You see, I was going to go on about how awkward it is to be around someone who thinks they are teaching you and they tell you something that is WRONG and you are like "Oh hmm are you sure because I thought it was (blah blah blah)" and they go "nope, no, definitely absolutely it is (blah blah blah)" and they continue and you know they're wrong but you just have to like kind of deal with it? Well yeah see I was going to talk about that until I came home and looked up the thing I thought I was so right about and I was wrong about it. So OOPSIE DOOPSIE ON MY PART, WE'RE ALL HUMAN, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, DEAL WITH IT, CRY ME A RIVER, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, GOT THE TSHIRT, GREW OUT OF IT THEN DONATED IT TO THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS WHO ARE BUILDING THE FUCKING BRIDGE YOU NEED TO GET OVER RIGHT NOW.

For the record, the fact I thought was wrong was not that Courage the Cowardly Dog is purple........although I am now less adamant than before that he is pink, I guess it is up to the eye of the beholder... but if you have even a quarter of a brain this pup is pink




Well I've been watching SVU and now I have to go decide between that and Ugly Americans which is my new favey fave show but this SVU is SO INTENSE do you see how many struggles I face in my daily life? Weh weh wehhh

Sunday, April 15, 2012

HAPPY APRIL, UGLIES!!!!

Yeah this is dedicated to the uglies so if you're attractive just go ahead and stop reading right now. These words are not for your eyes.





Okay, so I'm assuming all the 6+'s just left the arena. So. You're an average and below. That must suck, huh? I mean, I wouldn't know as I'm one of the most stunning examples of a female human since Cleopatra herself (If you're wondering why Cleopatra, I counter, why not Cleofuckingpatra? She did it with Alexander THE GREAT! You go girl!! And yeah, I'm going so far to say as she's the one who did him but I totally digress)


Anyway, chin up butter faces and lumps of "acceptableness" and "just friends", look outside the window right now! Providing you live in very close proximity to me and also read this within the first few days it's posted, you are looking at a gloriously balmy spring morning. The sky is so clear you guys, it's like the kind of blue you color the sky with when you're in fourth grade it's so potent. And the sun is a swarovski crystal (because I'm not mainstream enough to say "diamond" like all you other sheeple) that I can't look at without being partially blinded. And the grass....it's the grassiest green you ever thought grass could be, honestly. Right out of a picture book. It's even dotted with exuberant dandelions, my FAVORITES because they always mean spring is here! Speaking of dandelions, you should go taste their milk sometime it's out of this world. I Promise you won't die!

And my deck is all "recently painted" and chestnutty brown and as for my pool, it's this strangely appealing opaque sea foam green color and it's because my dad is shocking it with like two gallons of chlorine a day to kill the shit out of the algae in there. Stupid algae. What's it doing in a SWIMMING pool anyway? It's not called an ALGAE pool for a reason, am I right folks?!?!?!


Thar's a picture for you visual folks. 


Anyway, figured I'd throw a bone to the loyals who still check up on me every once and a while. I never forget about you or my blog I just have lots of shit on my hands sometime and my brain power gets all sucked up doing stupid (and useless I really need to stress useless) nonsense like Physics and you know, pretty much everything else.

EVERYTHING IS USELESS!!

Just kidding, lots of things are useful actually. Like my bracelet making! Which I'm going to go do by the way, and by bracelet I mean necklace and by necklace I mean hemp, with charms from the beach like MUSSEL SHELLS AND A CRAB, YES A CRAB. Is that an advertisement? Yes. Buy this shit it's awesome. TTYL BYEEEE 



I'm aware of how terrible this picture is but in my defense I was trying to take it in the broad daylight with my computer so the screen is like completely invisible and it makes picture taking - at an ANGLE!!!! - result in prizes like this but whatever, deal with it. Buy my necklaces.


Please. If you'd like :-)