Because I love you....I love the time we spend together....I haven't been able to be around much this summer because I've been smoking with my sister instead of alone, to be perfectly and completely frank....or Frank? Or Henry? I'm gonna be completely Henry right now and tell you that the reason I haven't blogged much this summer is I've been smizzy smoking with my sizzy sister!! I already told you that though, but I called it Henry this time so it's different.
ANYWAY OH MY GOD YOU GUYS DON'T LET ME GO OFFTOPIC LIKE THAT AGAIN JEEZ SERIOUSLY keep me on a leash. Okay anyway, I find the need to ask for your forgiveness because at least ONE of you has actually missed me!!! I know because I saw that grumpy little comment you left me about how you're mad I haven't had more bliggity blog posts this summer! (I'm going to apologize right now for the "iggity" thing I've done already done THREE times....I'm not going to stop doing it or anything I just figured I might as well apologize to those of you that it annoys/offends.) See here's where it gets fun now though. Oh I'll do a new paragraph because blocks of texts are no fun but like, same topic and stuff. Not that any of that matters as the youth these days don't even KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE AM I RIGHT FOLKS
~*~*~*Imagine picture of senior citizens inserted here~*~*~*~*~*~*~
But I dont think the youth read my blog. I'm talking young youth, like 10 year olds, cuz those are the ones that will never know what paragraphs are because of all the TABLETS AND IPHONES. Okay forgive me I've been seeing Mr. Anton at work every day for the past three months but like he's kind of right. oh my dear lord, ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Anyway, wouldn't you like to know the reason why I didn't actually insert a picture of senior citizens? Or why I didn't include a screenshot of the comment that I mentioned earlier? It's a funny story, really. And it has to do with my computer. WHO KNEW. REALLY., WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED?? I BET PROBABLY ZERO PEOPLE COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT.
Anyway, it's not even a good story because I didn't even do anything funny or fun or dumb or reckless to DESERVE THIS. No, my laptop trackpad just up and de3cided to start being a fucking piece of shit a couple weeks ago and EVERY SO OFTEN goes COMPLETELY BERSERK and just moves on its own accord and doesn't consistently listen to my finger and will click and right click and select and zoom on things randomly and it's ummm what's the word for it.....THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO A PERSON EVER UMMM....EVER.
Okay let's back up for a second. That was a clear hyperbole. (right? does that qualify as one? again I feel like most of my readers probably don't know or care but then again.....a lot of you cookies are pretty smart too so.....feel free to just lemme know). Um anyway, obviously it's not the worst thing ever and if I just have to like use a mouse now or get some kind of cheap repair (I'm talking like 50 bucks or less) or some shit then fine, no worries. But if it's literally EVEN SLIGHTLY WORSE, I WILL DRESS MJYSELF IN A NEON GREEN LYCRA SUIT (just a heads up i do not know what lycra is) AND POUR UM OH I KNOW I WILL POUR RANCID P. COVE POND WATER ALL OVER MYSELF AND use this as my guise to keep people from getting close to me and as soon as I can isolate somjeone from their mac laptop I will so totessss steal it. Probably contain it in a bag of rice to prevent the rancid pond juice from contaminating it, because 1) rice is a godsend and 2)pond juice is really horrible. It doesn't even qualify as water that's why I'm calling it juice.
Alright see this entry is going to be as long as like 5 entries anyway so y'all can just sit tight cuz I still have a BUNCH of other shit to say so, once again (because I know I've said this before) we all win!!
Okay back to the story. So I have to like turn my laptop off and leave it off for a good long time before I can turn it on again and use it without a problem until the trackpad decides to start being a piece of shit which is literally WHENEVER IT WANTS TO. I say piece of shit because it's as helpful as an actual little shit would be in place of a trackpad on a laptop since it does NOTHING FOR ME and renders my computer COMPLETELY USELESS. So really perfect timing in general seeing as I'm only going to college in oh TWO FUCKING DAYS but actually that doesn't even need to be sarcastic because it almost is good timing....seeing as campus has "computer connection" or some kind of computery thing so I'm not really too concerned but it just sucks cuz I didn't even DESERVE IT THIS TIME. Usually I totally deserve it. It's like a serial kidnapper getting pulled in for questioning for a victim HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED. But oh, he wishes he did!
So....I hope that clears up....
Well I had a lot of other things to say cuz I was gonna complain about customers (Like the ones who turn the doorknob when you're in the bathroom and then discover it's clearly locked....and then shake it again.....and then knock......it's like I AM SHITTING OR MAYBE IF YOU'RE LUCKY I'M PEEING BUT I HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE I'M SHITTING SO IT SMELLS IN HERE YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON, LEAVE ME BE IN MY ONLY COMPLETELY ISOLATED PLACE AT WORK) but I mean that's really all there is to say about them right there I guess.
And I guess there were people - oh who am I kidding "people" it's really just one very particular person - who managed to confuse and piss me off a little bit - oh who am I kidding "a little bit" how bout A WHOLE FUCKING LOT - but here I am sitting in the sun on the laptop that my sistah graciously let me use, and it's perfectly toasty without being one degree too hot (the weather, not the laptop but that too I guess), and I'm going to go be en route to THE UNIVERSITY OF MAINE in 48 hours where there are I think a good few thousand other boys (oh did you predict that? I bet probably no one predicted it was a boy that I was talking about) up there and I'm going to be generous and say probably like 8% of them or so are attractive!!! Then again, my estimations might be a little skewed since I've been subjected to the customers of a mini golf course all summer, and 95% of those tend to be like completely void of potential to be attractive anyway, in the sense that they're senior citizens or 12 year olds or families or Canadian. And then the 5% who have the potential to be attractive, in the sense that they're the right age group, are just usually ya know, not.
My point is that I'm not going to waste anyone's time writing about and forcing you to read about a dumb boy who is dumb and also stupid and also really just dumb in general I mean let's put it this way who would squander potential opportunities to spend time with the human embodiment of perfection aka me. Maybe he just didn't get the memo and that's okay because I'm peacing in two days and I'm even peacing in a BOLD way aka I NOW HAVE BLONDE HAIR. lie??? Truth?!?! WE SHALL SEE!!!
(it's the truth. it's awesome. I'm awesome. you're awesome too cuz you're reading this. We're all awesome. Pick up some litter today or some shit)
SEE YOU GUYS IN COLLEGE except i'm not sure how i'll be managing this blogalog up there but i guess we're about to find out!!! Yeehaw!!
