EVERYBODY KNOWS I GOT THE MAGIC IN ME

Not being fat headed (though we all know I literally have a very large head, in terms of volume and surface area and just general circumference, also tangent and derivative and MATH IS STUPID, IT'S SO STUPID. EVERYONE SHOULD STOP TRYING IN LIKE 8TH GRADE BECAUSE AFTER THAT IT IS SO USELESS.) Anyway, where was I?

Oh, this SONG!!!!!!!!!

 GAH!!!

Well, it's up to you if you want to bother with that or not. I mean, I guess you don't have to if you don't want to....that is, if you're not interested in hearing the most INDESCRIBABLY AMAZING SONG EVER then yeah I guess that would be the route to go.

Anyway, I'm here for two reasons.

First.

I was walking, and I'm wearing pajama pants, and my big toe caught on the bottom lip of my pants, and i almost totally fell on the floor, which I could just FEEL would have been a FACE ANNIHILATING  fiasco had I not caught my balance. Can't afford this face folks, can't afford it.

Jeez, thank goodness I'm rereading my shit tonight because I'm making so many typos it would confuse the reader if it weren't for me. Haha, funny. Anyway, picture time.

Okay, furthermore,


HAPPY 5,000 VIEWS MY LOVES!!!!!


I'M PRETTY SURE THE 5,000th WAS YESTERDAY, WHICH WAS MY BIRTHDAY, BTFUCKINGW.


Anyway, sorry this is going to have a stupid white background now. But don't let that dampen the moment. 5,000 views ladies and gentlemen, and it happened on my birthday, and I have EVERYONE to thank, but especially you! Love ya!!


^^Wow, no white background, everyone can thank my computer for being a scumbag and LYING TO ME. Not just to me, but to you all too.

Hi everyone, take a look at your surroundings

for a second because I'm about to tell you how inferior they are to mine. You see, I'm in the freest of free forms - NUDE - having a BATH with some "Village Naturals Therapy Mineral Bath Soak" shit or something dissolving its way through the lukewarm water. I win, right? I so doubt anyone else reading this is also taking a relaxing, chillaxing, wake and bake-axing morning.

The amount of fun to be had in baths, by the way, is beyond anything. They're just too much. Here's the funny part though. I'm on my laptop and like, wait a minute, that's not very safe is it?? Well it's not and get this - get what happened AN HOUR AGO.

I was coming downstairs, getting READY to prepare my bath okay? I'm holding my laptop and my glass of water and I've got the bath salts (But please, entirely different bath salts than the drug kind. Unless...they're one and the same? Anyway, I don't do bath salts.....or do I.....) in my robe pocket (I was wearing a fucking robe, as a fucking boss who's about to take a bath with "stress and tension" therapy bath salts SHOULD).

Not to be the ultimate hipster but seriously if you haven't heard this song, it's so capturing it's hindering my ability to think cuz it's so...just listen to it. If you don't like it, look into the nutrition of cyanide tablets.

Anyway, back to my story. So as I come down the stairs, my laptop bumps the bottom stair railing, and it makes a light "thud". And immediately Leila

(I was going to upload a picture of her but I don't have one because I'm that terrible of a person)

starts BARKING like a psychopath. (Okay Leila is a dog by the way, lol if you didn't know that) So I was started telling her to be quiet and she just started barking more and then my WATER SPILLED ON MY COMPUTER and I started FREAKING OUT and she started BARKING EVEN MORE. It was heinously chaotic and I ran upstairs where I knew I had my trust bowl of rice (I'm soooo unlucky when it comes to water and electronics, I've learned to stop trusting myself) and I dumped it on my computer and started hyperventilating.

Anyway, the moral of the story is a few things.

1) I'm way too careless with my water and my laptop

2) I....I always have rice near me though?

3) Oh and also, I don't learn from my mistakes. Because here I am, sitting in the bathtup, TYPING y'all the story of the time I nearly annihilated my computer via water damage...earlier this morning.

(I just accidentally googled bathrup and I don't know what that means and I'm glad I didn't start under images but um here is what I meant!!!)

Haha!! Anyway, the minerals have helped me release my stressful and tense morning so they are obviously SUCCESSFUL!!! I shall go CONQUER THE WORLD NOW. Or more accurately, READ MY BOOK AND EAT A BANANA IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

Why does she want to eat a banana, some of you may be asking yourselves. And the question I prompt you to ask is not that, but "Why am I not craving a banana? Holy kazaam is that something I should be eating every single day or WHAT!"

I would be eating an orange, but we're out of oranges, because they're so yummy. It's a sad life that I live, but I continue to live it, ya know, for you guys. Hehehehehe.

Aww it's like I don't want to leave!! Like when you see your friends that you haven't seen for a long time, or you're meeting for the first time, and NO ONE CAN SAY GOODBYE!! Well, we can all say it, BUT NO ONE CAN FOLLOW THROUGH. That is how I feel for my readers!!! Even when I go a week or two without blogging, it's only because I'm waiting for the perfect moment, like a hazardous bath at 11 am. Anyway, I'll go now, because....bye.

Isn't it so funny

about the way February the 14th (not to be mistaken for Friday the 13th) just seems to bring out the inner philosopher in everyone?

I mean really, you'd think everyone actually grew a pair, and by pair I mean of hemispheres as in brain hemispheres as in as if anyone actually grew a brain. Because really, any direction you blink an eye, you will have someone who's SUPER informed on the background and social stigma of Valentine's Day and they're also SUPER aware of how intrigued you are about their views and what they have to say about the subject, so don't you worry, you are going to listen because they will tell you.

Lol and welcome to the mind-blowing earth-shattering insight we've scattered across this year, good ol 2012 aka THE LAST YEAR WE WILL EVER HAVE ON EARTH (If you are a believer.....

....lizard men.... ......... )

Anyway, it either comes down to someone's total rationalization about why Valentine's Day is the stupidest thing ever, or why Valentines day is quite the sweetest thing ever...., OR they make you awesome Nicolas Cage cards, and unless you're the last one there's no point in you and the whole "breathing my air" nature of your being, etc etc. But if you're the last one, you know I love you!

Anyway, it's just funny because holy shit you guys, do my peers have passionate views about Valentine's Day or what!! Ask them what they think today (or last night, apparently) and good luck getting a word in for the next 120 seconds because they are going to be filled with your friend's opinion on the day.

BUTTTTTTTT(T?) and this is a BIIIIIIIIGGGGGG BUTTTTTTTTTT(T?), there's a little buggy in the back of my head screaming, "Hey, there are other things that like, aren't sponsored by Hallmark and like actually kind of are important to like I don't know stupid things like the fucking WORLD, IN WHICH WE, YOU KNOW, LIVE IN AND STUFF. BUT LIKE NO, YOU'RE GOOD. KEEP SCREAMING ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY BECAUSE THAT IS SUPER PRODUCTIVE."

Hahahahaha.

OHHHHH, AND FURTHERMORE!!!!!

(by furthermore, I mean a completely unrelated topic. You still with me here folks? Still with me? I'll plop another picture in so I don't lose my slower readers in this sea of words ;~])

Anyway, people are getting sick all around me, so it's probably happening as it usually does that the horrific buggering stomach flu is going around again this time of year and well....I urge my readers to take the antibiotic precautions!!

Now is the time to really OVERDO the potential to cause super-bugs, and I'm pretty sure I'm not being sarcastic but at this point even I don't know sometimes. I mean, I'm pretty sure that upping the usage of hand sanitizer and hand scrubs is useful at times like this but then again, I don't know if that's worse in the long run due to the whole superbugs thing I just mentioned.

Just one thing though. If I throw up this year I SWEAAAAAHHH I'm gonna...I don't know START A LITTLE FIRE OF PINE NEEDLES IN THE STREET WHEN IT'S WARM ENOUGH! AND LIKE, PUT IT AWAY BEFORE IT GETS OUT OF HAND. No I take that back, that's a charming thing to do.

No if I throw up again it's just cosmically unfair and it will mean everyone else owes me 200 dollars or something because I've thrown up enough thank you very much universe I bid you good day!!

TAKE A SHOWER & SHINE YOUR SHOES

It's a song AND a suggestion for a good deal of you. I mean I already mentioned the song but I'm listening to it right now and I like it so much I want to share it AGAIN. So THAT'S how we're rolling tonight!! Here it is!!

Oh, I know something I can rant about - it's a big mighty pile of stupid and if you're in my Spanish class you already heard me scream about it (lol I have been loud lately). But come on, who WOULDN'T be disgusted to see freshmen girls uploading pictures of their gangs' quizzes from Anton's Science class, with scores varying from like 6's to 20's. Is someone reading this who has done that? God, I hope so. I really hope one of you is reading this. Because listen to what I'm about to tell you.

STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it right the fuck now!! First of all, Anton's science class by no means requires an impossible feat of effort to pass - in fact, it almost requires an effort to not pass. You'd have to listen to him complain every other day about everything that YOU'RE doing and have the NERVE to not get your shit together and at least try.

Anyway, it's not like the plague of failing freshman science is unfamiliar to me - it's the pictures. The picture trend is unfamiliar to me. I'm unfamiliar with kids uploading pictures of several tests/quizzes with terrible scores and laughing about them. Maybe it's because Facebook is still relatively new and teenagers haven't had this social network lack of privacy thing for long enough. Or maybe it's that some people are beginning to achieve an extraordinary level of stupidity and apathy around me - and I'm assuming everywhere else too. Or maybe it's just because I'm looking ahead of high school for the first time in my life and these still puberty-ing freshman are just as stupid as when....I was.....well that sentence just went down the shit hole cuz GUESS WHO GOT A 98 ON HER FRESHMAN SCIENCE EXAM?!?!?!?!


I WILL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS, AND IF YOU DON'T GET IT, THEN YOU ARE ONE OF THE FRESHMEN THAT I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT AREN'T YOU?!?!






ME YOU GUYS!!! IT WAS ME!!! I WAS THE PERSON WHO GOT A 98!!! DID YOU GUESS THAT? And you know how I did it? I studied and I listened. So I was never as stupid you blurbling masses of tissue and impulses, and I'm insulted you're like, I don't know, breathing my air molecules and stuff. I feel like my brain is definitely more valuable than yours and well...why should we waste the oxygen on the people like er...you?


Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh I have gone crazy!!!

SEQUINS!!! What is up with them,

am I right?!?!?!

God let's hope SOPA doesn't pass or this blog will be shut down in the lickety blink of an eye!! I mean, what with all the stealing photos and not giving them credit and also the drug use and general disregard to good ideas...but that's not true, there are a lot of good ideas here!! Oh, and the carry-on sentences. OH THE CARRY-ONS, HOW THEY DO CARRY ON!!! Oh boy, where was I?!

Right, the sequins. They look good on nobody, okay? They look acceptable on that model because IT'S A MODEL and also ACCEPTABLE is not how things are supposed to look ON MODELS. I think the stupid fitted sequiney tank-top things with the boobies all pushed to the tippy top are getting a little silly looking so people should end them and of course when I talk about sequins looking sucktastic on everyone, this classy lady is obviously NOT included

Because I figure if a girl's gonna promote herself on the internet, it's her duty to do so in a sequined dress. Right? Or something. Something was my point.

But I have more important news, readers and readettes and read-neutrals and lovers and haters and the rest of you. So I took a physics test today, right? I'm feeling pretty confident, I got most of the homework questions (even some of the challenging ones!) and I had a solid notesheet AND I answered all the problems on the test and I get A MOTHA FUCKIN' 65?! I was all 

WHAAAAA?!?!?!

I got a 60 on a physics test earlier, but that one had like three unattempted problems and also I was totally unprepared. This one I even studied the stupid fucking TERMS for (whose definitions, by the way, have no coherence because they're written by math minded people who think in numbers not words) and it's all 

65

Right in my face!! But no, that's not even the best part.

Tonight my dad was talking to me about being an engineer (the same lectures my sister suffered through 5 years ago I'm sure) because I'm "smart enough" and there are a bunch of career opportunities for female engineers to meet "company quotas" and I'd make a bunch of money and blah blah blah and he's so silly because he sees me getting high B's to low A's in math and physics and thinks I'm the genius of geniuses. And also, I don't like math or physics. 

So I was like "Well actually I got a 65 on my physics test today," and he was like,

"That's pretty good!"

Haha and I thought about it and I was like, "Actually, you're right! 65% of the material, that's not bad!"

And he was all "Why would you say that's bad"

And I was like "Well it's a failing grade"

And he goes "So what, it's just a test" or some Papa-esque blurb to that effect. Not only do I appreciate having parents who give me a break, but I appreciate Papa-esque blurbs especially because they're so right in the most unexpected ways.

Have a lovely FEBRUARY you frijoles y huevos! Seriously though, my birthday is this month - remember that. Nah, you can forget if you want. I'm just sayin'.

Go Pisces!! Pisces OUT!!!