I mean, I have been waiting since lunch today to talk about fucking HAIR EXTENSIONS!!!!!!!!!
Gah, I can't even find a picture online that does it any justice...but have you ever seen girls with those clip in hair extensions that they actually take the painstaking time to do every morning and usually like five weeks after getting them, shit starts to get really sloppy. Like, you can see the clips very clearly in the bald patches of their head, and the extensions are all knotted and discolored and very obviously not real hair.
Have you ever seen that? No? Okay, if not, consider yourself THE LUCKIEST LITTLE FUCKER(s) ALIVE. Because I HAVE SEEN THIS SHIT, OKAY?
It's really disgusting and unappealing to say the least, and at the root of it all it's just funny with a twinge of pity because it's like, ladies, you're putting all this extra effort in and you're just looking worse in the process.
Also bitches - THAT'S FUCKING CHEATING!!!!!!!
If you want long hair you chunks of ego, fucking grow it out!!! Or admit that you're a lazy, impatient, high-maintenance wanna-be who also probably has nasty-ass unhealthy hair incapable of growing past shoulder length anyway...at least without reducing to a couple strands of spaghetti.
Have you ever heard of the song Easy by The Dirty Heads?
You probably have because I'm pretty sure I've heard it somewhere before too...but you should listen to it right now regardless.
Oh hahaha thank goodness I kept the tab open - just realized I have another favorite!! It's pretty specific, but at the same time I think everyone has seen it...when a chick takes a picture of herself in the mirror with phone (or camera, I suppose) and her face is out of focus (i.e. her hand fucked up while she was concentrating on sticking her booty up, sucking her stomach in, shoving her chest out, and stretching her face into a gremlin-like grin all while trying to hold her arm out and press a button?! That is hard shit - give her a break) but anyway, her body still looks kind of good thanks to the tactics described in the parentheses so she keeps it. It's like...
It makes me wish I had a nice picture taking phone too... but unfortunately...oh wait, my phone does take pictures.
Oh I know what I am missing!!!
A PIECE OF
Oh my god hahahaha. That was almost just really a tragedy. Well I was going to say I was missing a piece of "slut pie" and then I was going to continue on about my point being that these girls have a slice of slut in their personality and I just haven't eaten that pie and so on but first I was gonna do a nice picture of a pie! Yummmmmy, everyone likes pie!!
Well guess what I accidentally googled, unlike the very intelligent "pie" search that yielded the image above??
I googled slut pie, and thank God I didn't start under images because I realized within a glance at the web results that the images were NOT going to be something I wanna see right now. Nooooo thank you. So, phew, dodged that bullet!!
Anyway, back to what I was saying. Well no, that's enough. New topic....
OOOooookkkayyy never mind on that idea too!! I was going to make a dead baby joke because a) it's an option on the poll b) dead baby jokes are funny and c) I was gonna start it off with an image - great idea right? Well a google image search for "dead babies" is surprisingly unsettling and I don't really feel comfortable making a dead baby joke anymore. Sorry. But I'll do a nice picture because I don't wanna think about the dead babies anymore haha.
I LOVE FALL!!!
Fall isn't bashful to turn into winter because it's like "Yeah, you bitches think you're gonna be so sad when summer ends, but actually I'm going to distract you with the most SPECTACULAR SPLENDOR AND BEAUTY YOUR EYES HAVE EVER BEHELD so you don't even notice what you're missing!!!"
Oh and one last thing...tomorrow I am going in for major facial reconstruction surgery and I will be facially immobile for like a few days or something...essentially I will become a chipmunk.
If you are confused, please see hint 1
hint 1: don't take me so seriously
But please do not depart before considering hint 2.
hint 2: so which part are you supposed to not take seriously, hint 1 or the facial reconstruction thing??
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