So much to say

and so much room to fucking say it! So I'm gonna let it all out.

And let me just begin by telling a story about a seed.  A seed that remained a seed for a very long time, until some very persistent rain started to drop one day. Well, the seed was buried beneath mounds of dirt and was quite effortlessly able to divert all the water so it wouldn't have to grow. Not that it didn't want to grow ever, but it just didn't need to grow yet, so why bother? But the rain kept coming, and there was only so much dirt to soak it all up. Before it knew what was what, the seed felt itself getting damp.

Okay, fine, it was going to have to soak up a little water, but it's not like it would need to sprout. The seed was  going to prevent itself from sprouting. It reasoned with itself, "I've seen grown trees cut down in my backyard. It was even for a happy occasion - we were getting a pool! - but I still couldn't bear to watch the trees be cut down. They were so old - so strong, so sturdy, so sure, but none of that kept them standing. I can't even bear to watch grown trees be cut down - how can I let myself, my weak younger self, be susceptible to that? Might as well not grow."

Well, the seed fucked up.

Hard.

So hard, in fact, that the little seed fucking blossomed. 

And then the rain stopped coming. And the flower thought to itself, terrified, "Wha-wha-wha? What's the meaning of this! I was perfectly content in my own little see-pod, and you had to burrow your rain drops beneath my exterior when I tried my best not to let you? I know how to survive as a seed without the rain, but I have no idea how to do it as a flower. Why did you disrupt?"

And then the flower was eaten by a moose, and the moose got hit by a semi the next day, but not before giving birth to triplets, who all survived, and one was albino, and that third albino moose looks like it has some sort of...some sort of adaptation on...oh my god...no ... IT CANNOT BE!!!!!

.....but it is.....

So??? So what does that tell you????

And just in case anyone is curious to hear my newest torture idea...it involves spreading some rather succulent bee's nectar (do you catch that? tell me you caught that) upon the offendant's asshole with a rusty spoon and letting a wolverine lick it off. Umm....yeah.....