Okay so I've just had an epiphany

to end all epiphanies. But lemme finish my song first. You'll understand - it was Eventually, by Zox.

What's that, you say? What's that song?

Why it's only the most beautiful song ever written, sang, heard, played ever. Anyway, that's besides the point. I've epiphanied that I am, in fact, a vampiress.

Yeah, we're not messing with the sexy bullshit vampires today. We're going straight for the deadly dead ones. 

Why am I so sure of myself?? Well everyone always tells me my fingers are so cold and that was just this summer...now I feel how cold my fingers feel and they burn to touch my belly because they're so freezing!!!

Sidenote: I'm eating Apricot Mango yogurt and it tastes surprisingly potently mango and apricot and my suspicion is that there is little to no actual mango or apricot in it and...that's a little unnerving.

Now the taste is revolting. GET IT OUT OF THE MOUTH, my tongue screams.

No, my tummy grumbles back. ME WANT FOOD!!!

Hahahaha imagine if I wrote a play about my digestive system!! Oh would the end be a riot AND A HALF!!!  

A LOG AND A HALF IS MORE LIKE IT, my anal sphincter chuckles. 

See what I mean?? Man I could publish that. Ugh I thought I almost finished my yogurt and to my horror I just looked in and saw the cup is still HALF FULL. I can't just eat a half a cup of yogurt because that would be minus 10 points on being a human being, you know what I mean? Only scumbags don't finish a full little container of yogurt. Anyway I might be a scumbag today in that case.