Hi everyone, take a look at your surroundings

for a second because I'm about to tell you how inferior they are to mine. You see, I'm in the freest of free forms - NUDE - having a BATH with some "Village Naturals Therapy Mineral Bath Soak" shit or something dissolving its way through the lukewarm water. I win, right? I so doubt anyone else reading this is also taking a relaxing, chillaxing, wake and bake-axing morning.

The amount of fun to be had in baths, by the way, is beyond anything. They're just too much. Here's the funny part though. I'm on my laptop and like, wait a minute, that's not very safe is it?? Well it's not and get this - get what happened AN HOUR AGO.

I was coming downstairs, getting READY to prepare my bath okay? I'm holding my laptop and my glass of water and I've got the bath salts (But please, entirely different bath salts than the drug kind. Unless...they're one and the same? Anyway, I don't do bath salts.....or do I.....) in my robe pocket (I was wearing a fucking robe, as a fucking boss who's about to take a bath with "stress and tension" therapy bath salts SHOULD).

Not to be the ultimate hipster but seriously if you haven't heard this song, it's so capturing it's hindering my ability to think cuz it's so...just listen to it. If you don't like it, look into the nutrition of cyanide tablets.

Anyway, back to my story. So as I come down the stairs, my laptop bumps the bottom stair railing, and it makes a light "thud". And immediately Leila

(I was going to upload a picture of her but I don't have one because I'm that terrible of a person)

starts BARKING like a psychopath. (Okay Leila is a dog by the way, lol if you didn't know that) So I was started telling her to be quiet and she just started barking more and then my WATER SPILLED ON MY COMPUTER and I started FREAKING OUT and she started BARKING EVEN MORE. It was heinously chaotic and I ran upstairs where I knew I had my trust bowl of rice (I'm soooo unlucky when it comes to water and electronics, I've learned to stop trusting myself) and I dumped it on my computer and started hyperventilating.

Anyway, the moral of the story is a few things.

1) I'm way too careless with my water and my laptop

2) I....I always have rice near me though?

3) Oh and also, I don't learn from my mistakes. Because here I am, sitting in the bathtup, TYPING y'all the story of the time I nearly annihilated my computer via water damage...earlier this morning.

(I just accidentally googled bathrup and I don't know what that means and I'm glad I didn't start under images but um here is what I meant!!!)

Haha!! Anyway, the minerals have helped me release my stressful and tense morning so they are obviously SUCCESSFUL!!! I shall go CONQUER THE WORLD NOW. Or more accurately, READ MY BOOK AND EAT A BANANA IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

Why does she want to eat a banana, some of you may be asking yourselves. And the question I prompt you to ask is not that, but "Why am I not craving a banana? Holy kazaam is that something I should be eating every single day or WHAT!"

I would be eating an orange, but we're out of oranges, because they're so yummy. It's a sad life that I live, but I continue to live it, ya know, for you guys. Hehehehehe.

Aww it's like I don't want to leave!! Like when you see your friends that you haven't seen for a long time, or you're meeting for the first time, and NO ONE CAN SAY GOODBYE!! Well, we can all say it, BUT NO ONE CAN FOLLOW THROUGH. That is how I feel for my readers!!! Even when I go a week or two without blogging, it's only because I'm waiting for the perfect moment, like a hazardous bath at 11 am. Anyway, I'll go now, because....bye.