Hey so remember that time I said I found myself and stuff?

Well part of that had to do with the realization that this is MY blog and as MY blog I can say WHAAAATEVVVVERRRR THEEEE FUCKCKKKKKKKKKKK IIIII WANNNTTT!!!!! And that's extremely empowering and the fact that people will CONTINUE to read it despite my saying WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT is why I'm going to continue with what I'm about to say. But do you understand why I get to say what I want to say? It's because this is something you can't read unless you want to, and no one has to read this if they don't want to. If you find me offensive or annoying or boring you can just go do whatever it is that could possibly be more entertaining than me, probably putting mayonaise on doorknobs or something.

Anyway. on to my point.

I'm sure you're probably all curious about this boy it is that I met this summer. You either know partial, full, minimul, or zero information on the story, and that's the same amount of information you're going to have at the end of this. But I'm just gonna write a little bit and pretend I'm writing a letter to him. Why? Because of what I just said. It's powerful fucking shit and it's been coagulating in my brain since the end of the summer and yeah, I could write it in a diary or save it on my computer, or I could publish it to my BLOG that people read by CHOICE because I have a feeling it's going to be worth it's weight in blue whales. Like if every word were a blue whale, it would be worth its weight. So yeah, boom here we go into the deep depths of Becca's brain....

Um okay well we're actually not going all that deep at all haha all I have to say is one thing and it is that I'm a little bit insulted that you had the nerve to look at me and tell me that you felt a "special connection" and were "especially drawn" to me. Like nothing personally against you at all as a person either, but actually yeah I guess it is against you as a person, because you knew you were the first guy I had ever been with so you obviously know I'm going to be naive, and you're gonna sit there and tell me all this shit about how special I am and how much I changed your life and how much I mean to you, and then you lose your job and leave Maine and a month later you are with ...do I say it? Yeah, I do, because it's MY BLOG and it's FUCKING FREEDOM OF SPEECH also known as SAYING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO SAY AND SO THEY WRITE IT BEHIND THE CLOAK THAT IS INTERNET: TRASH SHE IS A PIECE OF TRASH. I guess I'm comfortable with the fact that I don't give a shit if she has any redeeming qualities, because if so many people are so instantly repulsed with all the terrible aspects of her personality, I'm going to safely assume (assuming makes an ass out of you and me...) that the bright sides aren't all that bright.

But like here's the thing....I get that there's a chance that you're happy with her and like whatever, good for you, but if you really meant an ounce of anything you ever said, you wouldn't pick up such a plurp from the cracks on the sidewalk and make love to it. And yeah blah blah blah "you meant them when you said them" but I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't fuck around with me like that.

p.s. I do still want to be friends though. It's just a fuck you that I really think had to be said, and it's all forgiven now, it just had to get out.

Wow. Wow I said it. That has been on my chest for a while and I will end it by saying yes, I genuinely am sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings but at this point, I can't concern myself with that anymore. Haha so take it or leave it.