Don't fall through them don't fall through the stars

If you listened to             

you'd understand                    

GUys, I love when I'm having formatting issues like I'm having right now. It puts me right back in the good old days when I first started this ol' clusterfuck. And listening to bubbly music and rambling on incoherently whether you care or not - oh it's all just so fun. Here's what's playing now!!

Awkward that I chose that song (not that I chose it, because it came on my Pandora) but that I chose to mention it because of what I'm gonna talk about lol pbbbllttt.

It's just well....I don't really know how to put it in a way that won't make A LOT of people judge me but hey we don't give a fuck here right? Well we do but we pretend we don't. Anyway, does anyone here know what it feels like to have some kid be in love with you for like ummmmmm two years and when I say love I mean a deep and sincere confusion with obsession and infatuation? Because here's the thing. It's flattering okay, obviously. But a human being can only handle SO much um what's the word for it.... can only handle SO MUCH. So if I sound like a bitch because I have to walk down the uncomfortable reality lane, so be it. I suppose it's my duty.

Here's the brutal truth: it's nothing but a high school crush. Please, for the love of well I shouldn't say all things holy because you are vehemently atheist (By the way do you know that I'm Jewish and am only agnostic? I find asshole atheists kind of asshole-ish if I don't know them enough and hey guess what - I don't know you enough). Anyway, please, for the love of....all things....artistic, or some shit, please don't confuse this with love. I'm not your "love" and you aren't "in love" with me and leave me (AND EVERYBODY ELSE) the FUCK alone with it already, you know what I mean?

I'm sick of girls randomly asking me in school if I like/am with anyone as if we're all in sixth grade again or something and when I say no they're all "oh...." and then they bring YOU up. "Oh he just really likes you is all............." "Oh he just asked about you the other day is all........" "Oh he just thinks he's in love with you is all..........."

Here's the thing. I'm being a bitch on purpose because you need to realize that I'm not this idealistic bubble cartoon version thing you have concocted and convinced yourself is real. I am a bitch and I enjoyed your company as a friend but how long do you honestly expect me to put up with you practically shitting your pants every time you talk to me or asking every one of my fucking friends about me or what you can do to get me to love you or whatever it is that you ask/say. I'm so tired of it!!!

I'm tired of it FOR YOU. You don't deserve to be um lusting over me for so long and so desperately when there is an ocean of reciprocated love out there that you can be receiving. (For the off-topic record, I'm having a ridiculous amount of trouble with my "ie" and "ei" spellings tonight, the red squiggly lines are all over the place! But I fix them because I'm tidy. Anyway) I'm serious. I love you and care about you enough (AS A FRIEND DUDE, AS A FUCKING FRIEND) that I'm okay with you hating me if it means you can go out there and find another girl to love and be happy with. Because you deserve someone, you really do. You're a radical dude and I wouldn't just say that (if you sucked that much, I wouldn't hesitate to say it). I get frustrated about this because it infringes on both our freedoms. Also, I'm tired of hearing about it. Also, no is no is no is no is no is no is no, okay? No. No. No. 

Pretend there's an "s" in front of the "he's" to make it, you know, "she's".

Nothing personal man. Like, I'd prefer if you didn't hate me, but I understand that I can't have the best of both worlds and if you have to hate me for a while that's okay. But for real, if you're doing so much for a girl who doesn't have the slightest interest in you, imagine what you could do for a girl who wants to love you too? Just try to view it objectively, if you can AT ALL. If not, we wouldn't get along real well anyway because I'm pretty objective when it comes to things.

Of course, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, feel free to disregard this and have a lovely day!!

p.s. no hard feelings. ever. in all meanings of the phrase. lol, i made a funny, see? It's okay, right? It'll be okay.