Hey you know what I hate?

I hate when people project their own fucked up problems from whatever the fuck life handed them and unintentionally force others to deal with that shit. Don't give me your shit. I've got enough of my own shit to fucking juggle thank you very much.

And can I say that I've juggled it pretty fucking well? I'd say that I have. I'd say that considering the fact that no one has any idea what it is that I'm really juggling, or have juggled in the past, is evidence enough that I deal with my problems directly instead of dumping them on other people and forcing them to deal with the consequences/clean up the mess.

Do you want me to be more specific? Because maybe it's frustrating that I'm being so fucking vague? I'll tell you what I hate in partiiiiiiiicular. I can't stand when well, when boys fucking break up with their little stupid girlfriends (I'm picturing, literally, little and stupid girlfriends. Join me in the imagination. Little stupid ones. God don't you hate those) and then aren't fucking OVER THEM and then (Oh God I'm getting awfully specific aren't I) come and get with ME and then backtrack and go "OH SORRY SORRY YOU'RE AWESOME YOU'RE GREAT YOU'RE AMAZING BUT BUT BUT I JUST GOT OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP AND I CAN'T GET INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP AND THIS GIRL BETRAYED ME NEARLY A FUCKING YEAR AGO AND I'M STILL NOT GODDAMN OVER IT).

Still? Really? Cuz here's the thing. That sucks. And stuff. I guess I don't really understand, cuz I don't. But then again, not a lot of other people understand what it's like to have the first person you ever have feelings for just up and literally leave the state suddenly one morning after only one month and then hearing that he has a girlfriend (whom he is dating because he allegedly KNOCKED HER UP) after he told you he can't be in a relationship because he's like, you know, obviously, still not over his ex and stuff.


You know what? Fuck exes. They're your fucking exes. That's what I say. I'm sorry. I have really no more patience for this shit. I don't know if I'm going to publish this post but I might, I might just bank on the fact that I don't think anyone checks this blog very much and um if they do well these are my thoughts and I guess I'm not gonna apologize for them anyway where was I?

Oh yeah. Fuck exes! Holy shit, it didn't WORK OUT, remember how the bads OUTWEIGHED THE GOODS? CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT? Can you now just I don't know, cut it out or something? Can you stop saying "I can't, I'm not over her yet" and maybe realize "If I don't, I'll never get over her" ??

I know....I know it's a bizarre concept. That sometimes you just need to....let it go. Or just cry. I don't fucking know. But stop pulling me into this shit!

And you know, I could easily get into the bizarre twisted sexism that creates this...how men can just get fucked over so much harder by relationships because many lack the ability to talk it out while women are known for their ability to "bitch" and are more accepted if they let their emotions out and so, the pattern seems, are much better off after breakups than their male counterparts.

But we won't get into that. Why? Cuz I just got into it. And I don't wanna get into it anymore.

Hi Everyone! Becca Here!

Go ahead. Go ahead and click play. Only if you want to hear the most awesome noises for the next three minutes or so. If you want to listen to stupid, inferior, way less awesome noises than by all means just ignore that video entirely.

Okay, those of you who clicked play, I like you. Those of you who didn't (if there are any of you left at this point)...I...sort of admire you! You put up with my guilt pestering for like five sentences and that's a lot of sentences. Are you just an ass-wipe type of person in general or did you decide not to click for a legitimate reason - for example, music already playing or a baby sleeping in the room or a serial killer is hiding in the bucket where you keep your pajamas....but you wouldn't know that would you. And yes, a bucket. Okay moving on.


I don't really care about the song anymore, but I feel like that's only cuz I'm not listening haha. Hold on, I'll click play again!!

Yup. There it goes bouncin around in my ears again. Sorry, that was a long intermission, not that you noticed, but I had to go downstairs and light some candle for my mom's aunt who(m?!) she loved very much and then I brought my self some - welcome to the THUG LIFEEEE - piña colada seltzer. It's quite a taste, it's not that good, but it IS piña colada-esque. And it' quite a taste.

Anyway, I had a reason for coming on here and luckily I just remembered it! Guess this has been on my mind for a while!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH GIRLS UPLOADING PICTURES OF THEMSELVES WITH TWO TO FOUR FUCKING LINES OF SOME WEIRDASS SONG AS THE CAPTION?! What even is that?!?!?!?!?!?!


I'm sorry but like it's either a stupid dumb song that's on the radio all the time so the fact that you're quoting it is embarrassing enough as it is, or it's some song that of course only YOU FUCKING KNOW (or maybe possibly also whoever the piccy is targeted at, if it's targeted at anyone). But either way...what....like what?....?.....?........


What does that even mean to have a picture of yourself with "And off we go/ Into stars and universes/ One as we leap from pod to pod/ All together now" Idk, some weird shit like that, I know you know what I'm talking about. All those random indie songsies and even if you half know them, sometimes when you read lyrics you're like "wait...what is that?". Is that like how you feel or something? Then like why is it that at least AT THE VERY LEAST 50% of the time, you have a great big pretty smile in the picture and the lyrics are all "weh weh wehh something gloomy and kind of depressing but like I don't know". I don't know. I don't. And I just...well I plum don't understand it. And I also think what it is is DOWNRIGHT SILLY.  That's all. That's all for today.

I hope you're all having a marvelous summer. I am having a supercalifragilistically marvelous summer. And I have a BOOK ABOUT FAIRIES THAT I'M READING. Not a fad young adult book mind you - AN ADULT ONE. Y'all can talk about your accomplishments and awesome moments so far and I don't even cayuhhhhhhh cuz I got a book on fairies so I win everything. Everything is a competition.

That's what I'd like to end on. Everything's a competition.











I wanted to, but I just couldn't do it. Too psycho hahahaha but it would have been funny! For that reason I'll make this bit a smaller print. Anyway, love ya!! *smooch*

Am I a bad person? Yes.

Do I apologize for it? It depends the situation and context. Am I a bad person for neglecting this blog for over a month? Of course. I am not quite in the league of serial child rapists, but we're getting there.

Am I a bad person for what is actually, finally, after MORE THAN PLENTY opportunities in the past six weeks, motivating me to post right now? If that sentence made sense, and I feel confident that it made sense enough, the answer is yes. Yes. But I'm going to fucking post about it anyway. Cuz here's the thing....this some funny shiiet. And I don't think the person I'm making fun of frequents my blog....or even knows it exists....and I'd like it to stay that way....Moving on........

TO BIGGAH AND BETTAH THINGS.

Does that look like a screenshot from like a pretend bad greeting card or some shit? Yes. Is that actually a screenshot of one of my facebook "friend"'s phones from a note her "fiance" left her? Yes.

Now listen here. I already acknowledged that I'm a bad person for posting about this to make fun of it and giggle about it. I've embraced that and moved on and all I ask is for you to do the same. Someone, you guys, someone took their "fiance"'s phone and tried to fucking write out a heartfelt message and...this is what came out. And, okay, I get it, not everyone has quite as a way with words as for example MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, but..... I laughed! Out loud! That's all! It's okay, you can do the same. It's funny. Tons of luv in here, tons of it.

Ahh okay well enough of being terrible people for a little bit. Because I have to start acting like I don't know a "young adult" or something at some point and the story goes that supposedly those people are "responsible" and have "morals" or "consciences" haha kidding about the last part I have a conscience............sometimes......

But really though bitches and bitchettes, today I took my Calculus final, making it my last final of my senior year making it MY REALLY REALLY LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL, even though I WILL be going in tomorrow to watch our finished Spanish movie...but you and I both know that doesn't count. And our spanish movie? If you're reading this and you don't already know about it well I'm mildly surprised or stupidly underestimating the girth of my audience (hahahaha girth) but yeah, it's awesome. The spanish movie. I'd go on about it but it's 41 scenes long and....I'm not that terrible of a person.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

Love this song too much, just finished playing and I love it too much.


Anyway, welcome, the rest of you, to period TWO of Clusterfuck: THE OASIS.

No there's no particular reason why it's called the oasis but I think that word sounds pretty badass if we're talking just phonetics here so we're gonna roll with it. Anyway, period TWO also known as CHAPTER 2 AKA THE OASIS  will of course center on my transition from young woman to young woman who doesn't live at home anymore muah hah ha hahaha hahahahah heheheh hehahaha huah huah huahh. Yes as I transition this summer from high school to college and then actually GO to college and do shit there and stuff, I will hopefully document all the shit in here. If not, it really only sucks to be you because I will be having all the fun. Actually it is way more likely that I will be sitting in my dorm doing homework without any "herbal" inspiration, if anything, but we're just gonna pretend YOU will be the one suffering. Ooooh 'scuse me, I do believe thissssssssss would be the song we're looking for :~) (as in a song I love too much)

Enjoy, and happy no more high school, 2012-ers :-) And to the rest of you, happy feeling pretty old :~) And to the younger ones...ew go away. Just kidding you're our future and stuff go do things byeeeeee <3 <3 <3

Okay listen up fuckaroos

Yes do you like that nickname? Haha I love this hot/cold relationship I have with you people. Anyway, several things to discuss.

FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, SO THAT I DON'T FORGET, HOW ON EARTH IS ONE TO BALANCE AN ICE PACK ON THEIR FEET BUT WITHOUT FLEXING THEIR FEET BECAUSE THE ICE PACK IS FOR A SORE TENDON? Stupid feet tendons! What do they even do anyway! It's not like we wouldn't be perfectly fine without them or anything!!! I'm going to rip all of my tendons out tomorrow and I think it's going to do me a world of good and I suggest you do the same.

Buggering extensor brevises

Okay I think I just figured out the trick is to put your foot against the desk at such an angle that the pack can rest on yar foot. Enough about feet though. They are pains in the ARSE and all they do is smell or look ugly or like, move you from A to B. But who wants to get to B? What's the point of going to B?

Anyway, I know I failed everyone by not having a 4/20 post....the thing is, I have legitimate excuses. Let me rattle them off uno by uno.

Uno: I just got back from camping that day, and I was deliriously tired

Uno: Despite that, I DID start on a post and got a couple paragraphs in before I fucking FACT CHECKED myself and realized what I was about to ramble on about was WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Such a thing is a startling thing to happen to such a person such as me, like such as and the iraq and, some people in our nation don't have maps - er sorry got a little off track there. But no it's a funny story. You see, I was going to go on about how awkward it is to be around someone who thinks they are teaching you and they tell you something that is WRONG and you are like "Oh hmm are you sure because I thought it was (blah blah blah)" and they go "nope, no, definitely absolutely it is (blah blah blah)" and they continue and you know they're wrong but you just have to like kind of deal with it? Well yeah see I was going to talk about that until I came home and looked up the thing I thought I was so right about and I was wrong about it. So OOPSIE DOOPSIE ON MY PART, WE'RE ALL HUMAN, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, DEAL WITH IT, CRY ME A RIVER, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, GOT THE TSHIRT, GREW OUT OF IT THEN DONATED IT TO THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS WHO ARE BUILDING THE FUCKING BRIDGE YOU NEED TO GET OVER RIGHT NOW.

For the record, the fact I thought was wrong was not that Courage the Cowardly Dog is purple........although I am now less adamant than before that he is pink, I guess it is up to the eye of the beholder... but if you have even a quarter of a brain this pup is pink

Well I've been watching SVU and now I have to go decide between that and Ugly Americans which is my new favey fave show but this SVU is SO INTENSE do you see how many struggles I face in my daily life? Weh weh wehhh

HAPPY APRIL, UGLIES!!!!

Yeah this is dedicated to the uglies so if you're attractive just go ahead and stop reading right now. These words are not for your eyes.





Okay, so I'm assuming all the 6+'s just left the arena. So. You're an average and below. That must suck, huh? I mean, I wouldn't know as I'm one of the most stunning examples of a female human since Cleopatra herself (If you're wondering why Cleopatra, I counter, why not Cleofuckingpatra? She did it with Alexander THE GREAT! You go girl!! And yeah, I'm going so far to say as she's the one who did him but I totally digress)


Anyway, chin up butter faces and lumps of "acceptableness" and "just friends", look outside the window right now! Providing you live in very close proximity to me and also read this within the first few days it's posted, you are looking at a gloriously balmy spring morning. The sky is so clear you guys, it's like the kind of blue you color the sky with when you're in fourth grade it's so potent. And the sun is a swarovski crystal (because I'm not mainstream enough to say "diamond" like all you other sheeple) that I can't look at without being partially blinded. And the grass....it's the grassiest green you ever thought grass could be, honestly. Right out of a picture book. It's even dotted with exuberant dandelions, my FAVORITES because they always mean spring is here! Speaking of dandelions, you should go taste their milk sometime it's out of this world. I Promise you won't die!

And my deck is all "recently painted" and chestnutty brown and as for my pool, it's this strangely appealing opaque sea foam green color and it's because my dad is shocking it with like two gallons of chlorine a day to kill the shit out of the algae in there. Stupid algae. What's it doing in a SWIMMING pool anyway? It's not called an ALGAE pool for a reason, am I right folks?!?!?!

Thar's a picture for you visual folks. 

Anyway, figured I'd throw a bone to the loyals who still check up on me every once and a while. I never forget about you or my blog I just have lots of shit on my hands sometime and my brain power gets all sucked up doing stupid (and useless I really need to stress useless) nonsense like Physics and you know, pretty much everything else.

EVERYTHING IS USELESS!!

Just kidding, lots of things are useful actually. Like my bracelet making! Which I'm going to go do by the way, and by bracelet I mean necklace and by necklace I mean hemp, with charms from the beach like MUSSEL SHELLS AND A CRAB, YES A CRAB. Is that an advertisement? Yes. Buy this shit it's awesome. TTYL BYEEEE 

I'm aware of how terrible this picture is but in my defense I was trying to take it in the broad daylight with my computer so the screen is like completely invisible and it makes picture taking - at an ANGLE!!!! - result in prizes like this but whatever, deal with it. Buy my necklaces.

Please. If you'd like :-)

Okay so at this point it's starting to freak me out

I mean that the forecast says well, this:

That's a week from today. It's still March you guys. It's still the "OMG THE SUN OMG IT'S 49 DEGREES" month, and then all of a sudden it's all like nope actually we're gonna give you summer like ummmmmmmmm  NOW.

What IS GOING ON WITH MOTHER NATURE.

IT'S STARTING TO REALLY CONCERN ME, HENCE THE TITLE OF THE POST AND MY ABUSE OF CAPS LOCK. ABUSE. AFUCKINGBUSE.

Whatever. The point is, I'm really excited about the early warm weather, but I feel really guilty about it. Because I have that creeping feeling in my stomach that it's global warming and we've destroyed everything this quickly or maybe it was all destiny 2012 NUCLEAR CRISIS END OF THE WORLD PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION YEAR TORNADOES ARE HAPPENING THAT ARE BAD IN PLACES AND ALSO, SYRIA AND ALSO, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS (PROBABLY NOT) BUT KONY IS UP TO SOME SHIT AAAAAAND Oh my, oh my! Bulletin!! Bulletin!!!

Aliens seem to have landed! They are infiltrating...oh wait no, I take that back, I don't mean aliens, I mean women, women are infiltrating everything. Wait no, only because they're not all stuck at home raising children anymore. Thanks to birth control. Let's continue making that an expense for them. No, wait. 

We need to go further. We need to attack the places that take care of that expense for women. Cuz you know. Stuff and stuff. 

So I guess...forgive me for being such a feminist. Honestly, it's just annoying when minorities demand equal treatment as white men. Like, can't they just shut up and play along and take a joke and take a drink and take off the coats and stay a while ;). You know, like they used to. Before political correctness and all that BOZO BUSINESS. 

I mean, don't you just hate it when minorities play their "whatever" card anytime they get upset? So unfounded right....I mean, if YOU were one of THEM you wouldn't be so pissy all the time. After all, we're all equal right?

That's what I thought too! Hm.

p.s. seriously is it global warming or MOTHER Nature GIVING US A GIANT FUCKING HINT. Hmmm....how subtle.....................

So I'm at the Purim Party

and as you may or may not have seen depending on whether we are facebook friends or not (there is probably like a 95% chance that we are and if you stumbled upon this blog via a media other than facebook, then congratulations! Or something.

Anyway, I said something about seeing my love at the Purim Party and I neglected to mention THERE WERE TWO.  Because one was this little bugger and now that I think about it I don't even know his name! But...well let me set the scene first.

For the uninitiated, Purim is an awesome Jewish holiday and there is a Purim party held every year by this awesome Jewish family that we know and it's usually held at Deering High School....but this year it was at this other place! So they have themes every year and this year it was Italian!!! So my mom dressed up as a village lady and my sister was the "mob wife" and anna was "the mob" and elizabeth was the venetian boat rower and I was the Italian flag by wearing green, white and red which Elizabeth pointed out were also Christmas colors...Lol!! Orthodox Jewish event!!

SO we sat down to hear the Megillah and these three little brothers (there may have been a fourth one, I'm not sure) ages 5-...9? I have no idea. Something around there. And they were the funniest little shits you wouldn't even believe how innocent they looked in their tuxedoed maffia outfits (fedoras included). And they were chatting us up the whooooole time and the little one with the felt cigar in his mouth just couldn't get enough of me and at the end (lol of like 1.5 hours) he was calling me his "broccoli" because I was wearing a green skirt. And he wanted to stand next to me at the end when we were watching the awesome - yet TOTALLY RANDOM AND COMPLETELY MISPLACED AT AN ORTHODOX JEWISH EVENT BUT LIKE IN A COMPLETELY POSITIVE WAY - skateboard/bike show thing. Anyway, I loved this little boy and he was the cutest little button I've ever seen but this is where I segue into duhn duhn duhn......

Becca's brain.....

Because this bike/skateboard show....

Had a biker.....

Who made 18 year old horizontal (WOWWWWW SO I HAD THIS POST UP FOR LIKE FOUR DAYS AND REREAD IT COUNTLESS TIMES BEFORE I REALIZED I SAID horizontal and MEANT HORMONAL god is that a freudian slip or fucking WHAT) and other word that also begins with h and o Becca go all "OMG"

But no I mean it when I say this dude was incredibly sexy in a small way and I never thought I'd find such small frames attractive and wow, am I shocking you with how deep we're going into my brain? Because I'm shocking myself, you don't belong here.

And yet....you're here....

Anyway, his name was Josh something aaaaaaaaaand heeeeeeeeee is a camp counselor at ramp camp at RYE Airfield aaaaaannnnnnd before we depart, let me just tell you a little tale of what the show was like.

There were two other kiddos (far less attractive therefore far less important but I guess that's mean so like yeah they accomplished things) who did tricks on a skateboard or Razor scooter type thingamajigger. This was accomplished in an open area by like 3.5, 4 foot tall ramps held up by a few beams and human support. So that may sound really sketchy or whatever especially when I tell you that Josh (it's not creepy that I know his name THEY SAID IT A MILLION TIMES) rides up these in a trick bike but...it was safe. However, he was doing extremely difficult moves for the amount of height he was able to achieve (a flip and a 180 or a 180 flip or something that involved flipping upside down and sticking it) aaaand he kept not landing them....

So then this lady who is sitting in front of me and who has kept looking at me whenever I cheer loudly for the performers starts talking to me.

She's all "I keep trying to tell him that the drinks are over there, he's been saying he's thirsty," referring to the little boy who calls me broccoli.

Immediately I think Uh no he's been saying broccoli I don't think he's useless and thirsty he is not a dumb shit and is fully capable of finding the refreshments himself why are you speaking to me as if I care about your existence right now But because I had to be so FUCKING POLITE I was like "Oh, is that what he's saying?"

Meanwhile, Elizabeth the Venetian Boat Rower is all "Did you see that?!"

And I'm all "See what?!"

No that's not what she saw but that's just to keep you guys going right now, because I'm staying up extra late to tell my story!

"He just landed it!" And everyone is freaking out and he landed the awesome stunt and I DIDN'T SEE IT BECAUSE of THE STUPID LADY THINKING A CHILD IS INCAPABLE AND SHE IS HIS SAVIOR.

Well I've had quite enough of that. It is the end of the week and I'm pooped!! You all have a lovely evening and if anyone knows this kid, you go ahead and talk me up because you and I both know I am cool, or as I've been recently informed, "Kool" because apparently COOL still means Constipated Overweighted Out-of-style Loser. Ciao!!