Dude so like, sorry if this is you

But that has stopped me literally never and if this is you then it's actually your fault for doing such an annoying and terrible thing so....you should be the one apologizing.

Okay anyway I just can't stand all the fucking statuses I keep seeing that are like "OMG got into UMAINE with a merit scholarship :) :)" or "Got accepted to U_____(insert any state name ever)" as if these are supposed to be um....accomplishments? Okay just let me back up.


First of all, yes, getting into college is an accomplishment. For anyone. And getting the first acceptance letter feels awesome regardless of who you are. But there are certain people, myself included, who have known their entire lives that come senior year, they're going to apply to a fuck ton of colleges and likewise get accepted to a solid shit ton. It is all about applying to security schools and a few reach schools. You apply to colleges that you know you will be accepted to. I'm not talking about fucking Brandeis here or ehem WILLIAM AND FUCKING MARY, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOSH DARN FRIKEN TOOTEN I'M GONNA TOOT MY OWN HORN AT THIS POINT, BECAUSE THAT IS A SELECTIVE SCHOOL OKAY, ALSO ONE THAT JON STEWART ATTENDED SO REALLY NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. I'm talking about University of Maine.

Do you want to know something you guys? Something really shocking? Here it is: it's NOT DIFFICULT AT ALL TO BE ACCEPTED INTO A STATE SCHOOL, AND IF YOU ARE BY ANY SEMBLANCE AN INTELLIGENT PERSON, YOU LIKELY ALSO GOT SOME SORT OF SCHOLARSHIP. If you are the kid who has been in honors classes your entire life and represent the top ten percent of your class, as ALL OF THE FUCKERS I'M BITCHING ABOUT DO, then you DON'T need to tell us the random ass state schools that you decided to apply to and therefore immediately got accepted into. Literally a billion jillion kajillion other people did the exact same thing. Settle down and wait for the exciting letters in March, otherwise I'm going to start updating my status every time I cross the street on my own successfully. And for those who know me, you know that's a much bigger accomplishment than any of these twits getting accepted to state universities, so....so just stop it.










Becca rant OVER AND OUT.

Hello everyone. Did you think that I died again?

Not again as in I've already died before but again as in you thought I died last time I didn't post for a month, and I just gone went and didn't post for a whole nother month again, but I'm back now, but you thought I died didn't you?


Frankly, I did.

Or more accurately I'm on my death bed now. I have a fatally painful sore throat (if by "sore" you mean "there are tiny vikings bludgeoning my esophagus with hammers") and also, I am starting to be a baby about the cafeteria food here again, but really I can either label myself a baby or we can be honest with ourselves and I'll say I'M A HEALTHY FUCKING INDIVIDUAL WHO IS TIRED OF EATING NUTRITIONAL EQUIVALENTS OF CARDBOARD EVERY DAY EXCEPT WORSE because...well not quite worse. It's food. But...if you asked me to quickly tell you if it was food-like cardboard or cardboard-like food, I would freeze and ask you to please repeat the question.

GUYS I FINISHED MY ENVIRONMENTAL JUSTICE PAPERRRR ANNNNNDDDDD I MADDDEEE ITTTT TOOO SEVVVEENNNN PAGES (because if he didn't say 6 &1/2 isn't 7, then it is  7). And I did it all after planning a little shchmidge I call part of a group presentation on advertising and the LGBT community of which my part concerned magazines. *Backing up here - I'm not sure if that last bit of the sentence made sense but I'm keeping it because...because I feel like it makes sense enough, ya feel me? Enough is good enough these days. Enough should ALWAYS be good enough. Think about that.


Think about that next time you're drinking bottled water...do you think you've contributed enough plastic waste to the environment? No? No, you're right, nah you're good, keep...keep using and throwing away -- Oh wait oh you recycle oh okay everything is okay now because recycling is this magic thing that has no impact on anything and fixes everything for forever so superb! -- a minimum of one water bottle a day. Because you, as one in 7 billion, deserve to consume that much. Every day. With the knowledge that millions of people are doing the same thing.

Wow, that wasn't even what my paper was about, it was a nuclear waste facility trying to be built near a native american tribe!! You'd think it's a classic case of corporation taking advantage of vulnerable community a la environmental injustice style, but leaders of the tribe considered it a well thought out and analyzed decision since their region was already surrounded by some of the worst polluters in the entire country so there was literally no chance of any other kind of industry. And as far as hazardous industries go, the storage of nuclear waste isn't immediately spewing gases and chemicals into the airs and waters, so how truly harmful is it? WE DON'T REALLY KNOW, DO WE?


WE DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYTHING DO WE, EXCEPT NALGENES ARE THE TRUE ANSWER TO OUR BEING. Really get yourself one!! Nalgene. Not Nalgene. Heh.

PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!






TO MY LITTLE ANONYMOUS COMMENTER WHO LEFT ME THE LINK TO THE LIGHTHOUSE'S TALE....WHY DO YOU TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS SO? Don't you know how much I love that song???? Hmmm???? Don't you???? Here you go everyone, find out why I love this song so much::::

Filmed in Maine BTTTdubs.

Love you my anonymous commenter!!! keep being anonymous and mysterious and shit!! (i WILL discover the truth someday........SOMEDAY!!!)

Back again? So soon?! It's clear why! (Election, hammock, QU3)

Wow there are so many things to discuss. First of all everyone, this:

That's a hammock that I'm in hahaha a hammock everyone!!! Let it sink in. We have one. Those are christmas lights next to me. There's also a calendar there, if you want me to identify everything, but calendars are irrelevant. 

Again, i did the thing where I post and then I get distracted and come back a few days later. I guess that's an The Oasis thing. Whatevs, it's chill, we have a lot to discuss today, lets get on our thinking pants and get going okay?!?!

(Thank the lordy lord I decided to put a relevant title up for once, so I can access it now to know what to talk about!! Wow life is great sometimes isn't it folks)

LIKE FOR EXAMPLE WHEN CANNABIS IS LEGALIZED IN TWO STATES IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?!?!

• How did I not know that that was on the ballot in THREE states?!
• How didn't EVERYONE know?
• Is it a sign of the apocalypse that things are finally changing? That we finally, are you serious, as a voting public, legalized same sex marriage in three states? Including MINE?! And we legalized WEED? Like we didn't decriminalize it, we didn't legalize it for medical purposes only, it was legalized for RECREATIONAL PURPOSES. IN AMERICA. HERE. AMERICA. Not HERE here (Oh how I wish it was here!!) but here ENOUGH. My mind is boggled. We were screaming that night, my roommate and I!! Delirious with happiness and pride!!
• I was told the term marijuana was applied to the plant in like the 20s or some shit as a way to make it sound illicit, like something you mutter under your breath, "marijuana", and it TOTALLY makes sense, so I'm gonna call it cannabis for until I remember which will be never because it's weed but.....STILL

Okay so congratulations America seriously you have done WELL this election. Perhaps we should..................

 

CELLLEEEEBBRRAATTE!!!!!!

I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO CELEBRAAAATE!!!!! :-) :-) :-)

It's freezing cold here you guys. It's so freezing cold I have to wear leggings under all my pants unless I'm wearing my fleecy cupcake pajama pants. And for some BIZARRE reason, if I pair those with a black long sleeve t and my knitted vest from Nonna and my bitchin raggae shawl, people think I look awesome, even though it's like wow I'm literally only dressing for the weather, but thank you very much!!!

God I love mika WOW. My room is totally enveloped in twinkly lights it's awesome :-) :-) 

That's only one bit of it. Oh, you wanna see more? Oh yeah lemme think about it uhh how about NO. Haha not now kids seriously, you need to be patient you can't eat your entire birthday cake in one bite. No, you savor it. Over time. Centuries, even. 

Oh my god but back to the cold ladies and gentlemen the cold!!! It is absolutely brutal!! When hurricane sandy came a week ago she brought a gust of warm weather it was literally 70 degrees here a week ago. Today it has been FREEZING RAIN ALL DAY AND THERE IS ALSO AN INCH OF SNOW. That's cute and shit except for when you're walking through it every time you need food and or class and or employment and then it gets old QUITE RAPIDLY.

Okay there are still more things i have yet to say - can you believe that? Because I'd like to share with you a quote that I read from the most fascinating book evvvahhhhh, I got it out of the library when I had to do research on Alfred Kinsey for my LGBT class aaaaaand it's a great big study on male and female sexuality and desires and psychologies and well without much further ado, here's the quote

"Paranormals are the cream cheese sushi of the female sexual brain"

~ A Billion Wicked Thoughts

And out of all the things that I read in this book that made me go "Ahhh I see" and "YES, THAT IS IT EXACTLY!", this one was the strongest!! You are damn fuckin right paranormals are the cream cheese fucking sushi of my brain!!

I mean this book describes how your turnons and fetishes and desires are pretty much molded during puberty and adolescence. So hence, therefore, quence and bequeth, (those last two should definitely be added to Webster's sometime between pronto and NOW) my desires were molded roughly during the time I devoured the Twilight series over one February vacation. I mean, okay not to say that I like, suddenly went through puberty during that one week lol but to say that Twilight actually is porn for girls. Because porn, in the sense of naked women and lots of obscene body parts and little plot, is what gets men going. But romance, in the sense of descriptions and emotions and a handsome strong Alpha male who's infatuated with the average but pretty female is what gets women going. So add in the paranormal factor, and the mystery, sexiness, protection, aggression and obsession that follow suit and boom you have twilight and boom you also have transformed thousands of little girls into young women who secretly want to be ABDUCTED BY VAMPIRES.

OH The Oasis, how you do tempt me!!!

Cream cheese sushi though, really, what a fucking spot on description.

I have still OTHER things to say, but I will save them for another time, for my position is uncomfortable at the moment and I wish to change activities. Enjoy whatever it is that you should be enjoying right now, but enjoy it! :-) 

OH I'M SORRY I REMEMBER ONE LAST THING AND IT'S THIS

No, no you have no idea how awesome it is to check this blog and see a new comment almost immediately every time I post a new post. You, whoever you are, are the greatest person ever (besides me of course). But you get what I'm saying. Keep up the good work soldier you are delightful and I love you. And I wonder about your identity every day!

WHY HELLO THERE MY PRETTIES

And my uglies!!! But I greet my pretties first because they are superior, you know. Anyway.

HOMEWORK BECCA? DON'T YOU EVER HAVE HOMEWORK? JEEZE SERIOUSLY ALL YOU EVER DO NOWADAYS IS BLOG ANYMORE, AREN'T YOU GETTING AN EDUCATION?

Wow, calm down caps lock. First of all, stop screaming. Second of all, I have to do an interpretive translation of Dao De Jing for Honors tomorrow and technically other shit (like reading, but that's what I call "shit" as in "NOOOOOOO NOT MOOOOOOREEEEE NOOOO" because rather than accept my responsibilities, I whine. Because honestly, the alternative is just boring) but I am HERE INSTEAD.

Why? Oh, because I love you, I guess that's why.

Also, to tell you that you should definitely VOTE THE POLLL C'AHHHHHH'MAHHHHHNNNNNNNNNN. You should.



Oh okay and furthermore and also, sorry about the recent lack of pictures in posts. Well I guess before that I should say, sorry for the fucking lack of posts.



Hi.......I wrote the preceding a week ago, but then i got distracted, but now I'm back. I remember what distracted me too - I was trying to take a picture of myself to make up for the lack of pictures (and because I could honestly not think of anything half as beautiful as myself, feel free to leave any suggestions if you can think of any but I will be surprised if you can)

Anyway, let's put a picture up now AND I WON'T GET DISTRACTED AND RUN AWAY THIS TIME!!!!

Cool Effect!!!! My photobooth is a ridiculous asshole and i have to do stupid things to get those effects to work. I'm not even going to get into it -I'm not. I'm listening to Mika and I've got better things to do with my typing fingers than describe to you the fucking PROCESS i must go through to delight you with funkadelic photos of myself. But it's just so you know....that I do it...for you.....so enough of this "I think this blog is never coming back" bullshit, try IT'S NEVER GONNA LEAVE.

I COULD PUT A LITTLE STARDUST IN YOUR EYEES!!!

PUT A LITTLE SUNSHINE IN YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

God, will you please for the love of god blast this song right now? It's even better in earphones.

Anyway...

I still haven't told you why I've been avoiding pictures. It's because I don't want to get bogus views on this website anymore from google images - people searching for the photos that I steal from google and include in my posts. You know, stop SOPA and all that shit. Whatever. I dont know. Point is, unless absolutely necessary, I'm probabbssslies gonna avoid the pictures now unless they're my own, or I take a screenshot of them, making them my own file instead of a link that people.....nevermind. I don't care to explain this to you imbeciles. Point is, we all benefit cuz any photos will hopefully be photos of me. Gosh, let's stop tantalizing ourselves and just put up another one.

Cool. Kaleidiscope effect. That word is stupid to spell. Any word with a red squiggly line under it is stupid to spell.

So what's the point of today's post? Not much. There's not really a point. Just to show you that I'm alive and I love you. My mom is texting now and I just received a completely independent text from her....written in spanish....it was the cutest thing since um PUPPIES WERE INVENTED. No, since LEILA WAS BORN.

Awww, this is what I was looking for!! Well not specifically, but this is a great photo of Leila. What a pup omg. Omg I need to wipe my tears.

Jk.

Well, I dun went and got distracted, but we both got good ends of the deal: I got to blurble for as long as I pleased, and you got to read all of it. I will be back my loves I FUCKING PROMISE, I have lots of shit to do this week and or next week though I think....I don't really know.....I should be studying right now....I'm gonna leave and continue to avoid my duties. Love you!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you're enjoying The Oasis

I don't have much time folks so let's make this quick....

First of all, EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!

I mean, don't have such high expectations of me, JEEZE!!

Seriously though my loves, I honestly never ever will forget about you!! Or this!! Nor will it ever end! (I hope.) But you see, college is really college-y. You know that thing that's like "Welcome to college: Choose two" and your options are "sleep, social life, and grades" ? Well that thing is fucking LEGIT. I've been trying to squeeze in all three for the past few weeks for the first time in my life, because I never really cared about a social life but it's COLLEGE MAN, YOU KNOW? college. people. doing your own laundry. excessive grilled cheeses, etc.

ANNYYYWAYYYY,,,,, that leaves approximately negative time to update this blog, not because I don't want to but because there are literally not enough hours in the day. Seriously! Between classes and work - I work at one of the cafeteria places and I have to be there - WHY AM I TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS STUPID BORING POINTLESS SHIT I HAVE THE FUNNIEST STORY EVERRRRR!!!!!!

hahahahahahahahaha. Anyway, the gist of all of that is that I'm fucking busy okay, and I just switched roommates so I'm living with an awesome chick now, so there's even less of a desire to blog cuz I'm always...chillin. Or doing shit. And now you see the conundrum that is my life. But i'm making FABULOUS time on this post right now, I keep checking the clock like every fifteen seconds almost....well no but it seems like I don't look for ten minutes and I look and only three have gone by! Fuckin fantastic!! But I digress.

Because the story.

The reason we're all here today.

Hahahahaha. I was visiting a friend um...Saturday night? Yeah, so it's like 1 AM. So we go into his building and we're waiting for the elevator...as it comes, we can hear voices, and I would personally have rather just taken the stairs, but he insisted, so we waited, we fucking waited for the elevator doors to open.....

and there are three girls.....

one of which is from my high school and she totally hates me for no reason! HAHAHA imagine the odds.

*Sidetrack* For background as to why she hates me, I have literally no fucking idea because there is literally NO FUCKING REASON lol. I had a few classes with her in high school and actually thought she was okay and we got along absolutely fine but all of a sudden I see her here at one of the dining halls the first weekend we were up, and I'm like "Hi ----------" and she gives me a REVOLTING look and says "hi." and walks away. So then I asked my friend about it and he was like "Yeah she hates you, no I don't know why." So....at least it's rational and shit. Because everyone knows there is even  A RATIONAL REASON WHY ONE COULD POSSIBLY HATE ME. (Hint: there isn't)

Back to the story.  So the elevator opens. She stares at us like she's pissed that I'm breathing. The doors start closing - the kid I'm with STICKS HIS HAND IN THE DOOR AND FORCES THEM OPEN. We get in the elevator. He's oblivious to the situation.

So he's just making casual chatter as he hits the second floor and he's like "what floor do you guys need" 

and Little Miss --------- sneers "the basement but it really doesn't matter"

And all I could do was just STAND THERE AND FEEL HER HATRED OOOOOOOOOZE OUT OF HER PORES at me and then the doors finally ding open on the second floor and he's like "well have a good night" and they're like "yeah have a good night"

and then as we turn the corner...

.........she screams "NOT!! HOPE YOUR NIGHT IS HORRIBLE!!" 

....

............

............................

.......................................................

Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Now I'll admit everyone, I was shook up (Shook up? Is that a word? Is it something else? Whatever) when it first happened, but now I just think it's quite my favorite college story yet!!! That kind of potent.....anger and nastiness at someone for no reason is just....it's funny to me  because I don't understand it, and , well, this

(since i was too subtle for my own good, i'll give you guys a hint: this song is a helpful clue as to who this mystery person is. see if your super sleuthing skills are super sleuthy enough to figure it out)

Yeah.....no

Guess what guys and gals? Sober post today. Why? Why would i ever do that to not only you, but MYSELF? I'm just gonna....I'm just....there's gonna be a lot of pictures in today's post. Here's why:

Yeah that's....that's a ticket. And it fucking sucks in all the most obscene ways that things can suck. I guess this would be my opportunity to talk about it, but I really don't want to talk about it yet because I'm feeling overwhelmed as....as a native from Jupiter just plopping down to the University of Maine with a major in history and no more herbal inspiration and a roommate that....well we'll get to that. We're not there yet. But I just feel like I'm from fucking Jupiter here, that's all.

It's so hard because I know I'm not the only one who feels this way okay, I know because anyone I tell is like "Awww but you're not the only one who feels that way don't worry!"

Well yes, you're right, there are others. But GUESS THE FUCK WHAT. The exact reason we feel this way is the exact reason why none of us will ever get together. There's no community club for the "Socially awkward and unfriendly and homesick". No, and even if there were, no one would fucking go because we're all SOCIALLY AWKWARD AND UNFRIENDLY AND HOMESICK AND WOULD RATHER SIT IN OUR DORMS AND CRY. OR SOMETHING. Does it help that my uterus lining is shedding? No, no it doesn't help the situation at all. Fucking uterus linings SUCK. They suck almost as much as COLLEGE but I would rather go through and I think I'm serious about this (But I'm not quite sure) but I THINK I would rather go through an ENDLESS SIX MONTH PERIOD than go through 4 years of this miserable existence.

It's like...I realize that I'm overwhelmed because it's only the second week and I'm still adjusting to the massive workload -

Sidetrack....wanna talk about massive workload? Because I DON'T, but I WILL say that the reading I have to do for my "Environmental Justice Movement in the US" is well, well we talked about torture in my philosophy class and whether its ever morally acceptable, and let me just say that my reading for the aforementioned class is TORTURE and it is by NO means morally acceptable!!! Like, not only is it an online PDF so I have to stare at a screen for 4 hours (and don't even tell me to print it, because like fuck that and also, I don't feel like it and also, that would lesson my ability to whine about it) but it is LEGAL JARGON THAT MAKES SENSE TO APPROXIMATELY 4 PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY, AND ONE OF THEM IS OBAMA SO HE DOESN'T COUNT CUZ HE'S THE PRESIDENT. Sorry I'm not the fucking president!! Sorry that the reading is so boring that I fell asleep in BROAD DAYLIGHT AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP while trying to complete it. Okay? SORRY.

Man I sound awfully hormonal I think hahaha and I'm completely okay with it because like I said earlier FUCK UTERUS LININGS SERIOUSLY.

Ehem. Let me continue.

So then there's my LGBT class. Which is interesting and all, but it's a little scary that participation is worth 30% of your grade and while yes there are usually a couple things I'd like to say in class, it's a little difficult to talk because I'm just a straight little white girl from a small town in southern Maine. I get the impression that everyone hates me and I swear it's not just me because we do this check in thing where we all say our names and then whatever we'd like to share. Well what I shared today was that "I'm Becca and I'm really excited because my best friend is coming up to visit me this week!" I expected at least a FEW Aww's from the class, but the ONLY reaction came from the girl in the class that I'm already friends with. Then, like a slap to my face, the next person says they're getting a kitten this week and THE ENTIRE CLASS COOS. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. I'M PRETTY SURE BEST FRIENDS VISITING OVERWHELMED FRESHMEN IS A LITTLE MORE "AWW" WORTHY THAN A STUPID BABY CAT. Meanwhile, there's the handful of actual LGBT community members in that class and yes that's great and all and I don't have a problem with them except for one....Yes, I get that you're lesbian and you KNOW EVERYTHING AND ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS ENTIRE SUBJECT, BUT THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING THIS CLASS IF YOU ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING? You don't see me repeating fucking third grade do you?!  It's just so hard to talk in that class because I feel like anything I say will be slightly indelicate or politically incorrect or just stupid and then everyone's gonna be like AGHHHHHHH I HATE YOU. Or something. I don't know. I'd come up with something more creative if I was HIGH, BUT I'M NOT, BECAUSE OF THE TICKET, BECAUSE FUCK RA'S.

Oh, and on that note, I talked to student legal services the other day and apparently, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO ANSWER THE DOOR THAT FAITHFUL NIGHT THAT THE COP KNOCKED. I could have pretended I didn't hear it, or said I was indecent and had no idea what the smell was. But again, I don't want to talk about that yet because it still gives me too much anxiety. I'd rather complain about things I can't control than discuss the one thing I could have controlled but didn't. Because I'm responsible and shit.

Okay, I think I've had enough of complaining about my classes because that also gives me anxiety. Time to vent about my roomie.


I'm going to preface by saying that she's very pleasant and she's a good roomie I guess in the sense that like, she can shut up if I'm doing homework and gave me this vix stick thing when I got a cold but... I'm going to make a bulleted list.

• She and her friends don't like adding "g's" to the ends of words such as "muddin(g)" "talkin(g)" "walkin(g)" etc because they feel too "proper" when they do that. I mean, not to judge them or anything but oh hahahahaha that was so funny Becca, as if you're not judging them, oh hahahaha what a funny joke that was. OF COURSE I'M FUCKING JUDGING YOU YOU HICKS. I PRONUNCIATE (spell check is telling me that's not a word but I'd like to think otherwise) THE SHIT OUT OF MY WORDS AND I....I look down on you for not. Yup. I do. Admitting it and proud.
• Whenever she tells me things that are like, shocking or that "suck" or that I'm supposed to react to she.....you know what, fuck this bullets thing, I'm gonna use pictures right now. Here's a simulation.

Her: "I had to go to the health center today and wait for TWO HOURS"

Pictured: I swear, this is no exaggeration, but this is what she does with her face after statements like that. More examples to follow. By the way, this is an actual conversation she had with me today. I like, didn't give even a particle of a shit.

Her: "And like, no one was even THERE"

Her: "And then they told me I have to drive to OLD TOWN to get my prescription"

This is what she does ON A REGULAR BASIS PRETTY MUCH DURING ANY CONVERSATION EVER. LIKE ANY STATEMENT SHE SAYS IS FOLLOWED BY A MOUTH AGAPE.

Some might say, hey Becca, shouldn't you watch it in case she reads your blog? And to those some, I would guffaw in their face and then ask them to go get me one of those

these things

To stuff in her face hole. Because like, why are you opening your mouth you silly girl? How many bugs have you ingested that way? How many birds have shit in your mouth? Are you really gonna tell me the answer to both of those is zero? If that's the case, I really hope that changes.

So....I mean, not all things are so dark. I made a friend on my floor who I met because she asked to look at my hemp bracelets (I had a sign on my door) and well, she's into hemp bracelets and wears tie dye so YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. Thank God for her but still. I miss home and literally everything that home represents. I'm tired of grilled cheeses being the only thing I can fathom eating. I miss like, variety and like, home cooked meals and also, people that I like. Because meeting people is so exhausting. You have to like, pretend that you're sociable and nice for like the first SEVERAL meetings, and that's so bogus. Also, what do I have to share? Hi, my name's Becca and I have a $400 ticket I have to pay because I'm a dumb fuck and literally while everyone around me is underage drinking, I take ONE HIT IN MY ROOM BY MYSELF, AND I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO PAY THE STATE SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS. RIGHT. JUSTICE. YEAH. LOVE IT.

Well I hope the rest of you are having a better week than I am. Thank God almighty Elizabeth is coming up to visit me <3 <3. Counting down the days til colombo day weekend. I just wanna poop in a solitary bathroom, ya know what I mean? Damn.

Oh fuck yeah I'm in college

And I'm blogging. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!!!!

I pulled it off bitches. I pulled it off. And i'm not going to act like I'm not sketching out MAD BAD right now....cuz I am. But here's the thing: I'm a success. I took that picture for several reasons though, because that photo actually represents NUMEROUS things.

1) There's my blonde hair bitches!!! I told you!!!! I told you did i not!!!! It is awesome and fun and I love it and I did it because I want to fit in more

2) MY POSTER IS BITCHIN AND AMAZING AND I WANTED TO SHOW YOU GUYS BECAUSE IT'S VERY AWESOME. Proud that's my only poster.

3) Um just ignore the neck tattoo it's not a thing

4) Also, you can see, if you look closely, by the way my mouth is grinning and my eyes are guinting (my hot off the press invented word, a combination of squinting and grinning, pronounced gwinting but obviously we can't spell it that way because then we'd just look like amateurs) that I am a success in all the ways that the banner of my blog represents, namely gettin hiiiiiiiiiiiiigh offff daaaatttttttttt....oregano. It's definitely just oregano.

HAH!!!!!

I'm just so excited I pulled it off. Oh wait there's more.

5) Also, my laptop is...well I'm not going to jinx it so I'M GONNA LEAVE IT AT THAT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

6) God can I just ramble on once again about how much of a success I am?!?! Because I'm also hooked up online!!!!!!! with A WIRE. I'M ON WIRED INTERNET. AND IT FEELS AWESOME. BECAUSE GUESS HOW THE FUCK I GOT THE WIRE YOU GUYS. HUH? GUESS.

I was LOST looking for Cole and Jason (hi guys!) at the Union and well I couldn't find the Union so I literally explored all over campus and in the farthest reaches I found a little mini tent sale and so I decided to take advantage of my opportunities and buy myself a sweatshirt with the name of my school (Just so you know I just went and did my thang again, I'll explain that in a second, God I'm shaking I'm so awesome!!! And sketching!! But also awesome!!!). So I go and make a purchase and then they're like oh by the way THIS IS FREE and they're pointing to FOLDERS and BAGGIES WITH LOTION AND A RAZOR and INTERNET AND CABLE CABLES and I grabbed one of everything and it was beautiful!!!! So now I have a reliable internet connection instead of shitty spotty wireless and I didn't even THINK to bring an internet cable and I didn't even have to go 24 hours WITHOUT ONE ANYWAY!!! Okay, so what else?!?!

Ah yes, the reason we're all here today. After all, how am I here today? Isn't it kind of difficult and also, come on, FUCKING STUPID, to try smoking in your own dorm?

Well yes. Yes.

IF YOU'RE NOT MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Here's what it's called. It's called take about four paper towels and drench them in your favorite febreze (aka lavender vanilla & comfort) and if you have an empty paper towel tube, FANTASTIC. If you are not such a rich person who has everything AND the kitchen sink on their hands, then a full paper towel roll is fine, just make sure you really insert your lips into the tube. And stuff the tube with those four febreze-drenched paper towels. Did I say that already?

Great. Now stuff your extra sheet on the floor in front of the door crack because stuffing your towel there would be gross. Oh and it's okay to use the sheets because in your case they're not the right size anyway so it's whatevs.

OOMMGGG ALL MY LIFE BY MY FAVE BAND EVVAHH NIZLOPI IS PLAYING RIGHT NOW. I mean of course it is, I selected it, but that's how much I love it. I'M STILL SO EXCITED!!!! EEEE!!!! I'm also decently high after I've been starved both of marijuana and fucking FOOD for the past 24 hours.

Do you want to know what I've eaten? I don't care to recount it, because it's dumb and stupid and not that exciting. Though I did have a cup of clam chowdah earlier, thank God for that. I keep being really sure to capitalize God for some reason today....I'm not sure why!!! 

Anyway, food here sucks cuz I'm a spoiled bitch and I'm used to my parents home cooking a dinner every night, and I'm happy to admit that. Sorry I didn't grow up eating Mountain Dew Popsicles and ketchup dipped in frozen mystery meats my whole life. Anyway, back to how to pull this off.

So you go with your little bowl and your little lighter in your CLOSET WHICH HAS A SHUTABLE DOOR and you smoke THE SHIT OUT OF THAT and then RUN OUT AND CLOSE THE DOOR QUICKLY AND GET TO THE WINDOW (WHICH YOUR FAN MUST BE BLOWING OUT OF) AND BLOW THAT SHITTTTT OUTTTT THEEEEEE WINDOWWW!!!!!

And then when you sketch out big time cuz you hear doors slam, just spray a shit ton of febreze and lysol. And then tell everyone your secrets.

Haha I mean, I'll try not to get too cocky you guys but......well, I don't want to get too cocky, so I won't. I'm also lucking out cuz my roomie is out at a concert. That's sweet. MOVING ON.

TO BIGGAH AND BETTAH THINGS.

Such as.....

Who are you mystery commenter?! Are you the one who yelled at me for having the same post up for a month?? If not,,,,,, if so,,,,,,,,, (those comma ellipses are intentional, because it's like a .... but it's a comma....I think you get what I mean but if you don't, ya don't. Moving on.)

I bet the mystery commenter knew what I meant though, didn't you?! Unless you "can't process that through your brain right now" ;)

Anyway, thanks for commenting. You dah best. And all you readers....you dah best too. Don't keep encouraging me.......this is bad, oh so bad.....

BUT ZAT IS WHYYYYY I LIIIIIIKEEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was me last night trying to lull myself to sleep with funny online articles. And also trying to see if taking a picture at night would work with Photobooth (It does)

I love you all unless I actually hate you then I'm sorry but I hate you

(Not sorry)