Well, the conditions are right.

I'm bored and high on LIFE, among other things, and I'm listening to The Middle and I just felt like posting, ya know? But the only issue was...what to talk about!?

Then I decided that I know about a bunch of weird stuff so I can educate you guys on stuff as I think about it. So first topic.....

Texas...and above????

If I were to be honest I would say that I was trying to be funny in the above and well, it felt stupid and I think it's not that funny to go ahead and tell you what states are north of Texas in order from nearest to far because I'm staring at a map of the United States right now so it seemed like the obvious thing to educate you about...you get what I'm saying? So anyway, that was stupid. I'd upload a picture right now but you know what you guys? You know what? Do you WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS WHAT? WELL??? DO YOU?!?!?!






My computer is on the fritz, that's the what. Well just one day I logged out and when I tried to log back in with what I know was my password it wouldn't let me and so I tried to put in the install CD but nothing was working and yah so to make a long sob story short, I'm on my home computer right now. Which is like homemade from someone's garage in 2006 so we just bear with it but I'm not going to ask it to upload a picture to this blog right now. That's just....a lot of loading for it. We love it too much to ask for SO MUCH!!!!




Oh happy August (almost) 31st everyone.... Really though. Greet the new leaves with a smile. Well, old leaves, technically, but they're all different now!! Embrace it!!! I'd upload a picture of foliage but, well, you know. He's trying. I'd upload a picture of a cute old looking computer thing but...you get it.


Alright well, not to end on a soapy note (soapy? does that make sense?) but I hope everyone has had as magical - I mean magical as in enchanted, blessed by the fairies, etc - a summer as I did. I hope everyone is having a magical life! I'd upload an awesome fucking picture of fireworks and magic and....you know what?

There's some magic!!! Have a fantastic day ladies and gentlemen!


P.S. Why Don't You Get a Job by the Offspring is playing right now and I just have to say that I think everything should end with this song....it's really a super great song. Go listen to it right now!!!!!! Well, please I guess. I'll say please this time.  

I've figured it out

It's all very clear. Think of the two most popular clothing stores for the typical American teenage girl: Hollister (that was originally typo'd as Hoolister, thought I'd let you know hahahaha hoolister) and uh, Abercrombie and fitch. And like...oh and Victoria's secret.

Okay so more than two. Whatever.

Anyway, if you think about it and you ought to think about it because thinking is GOOD for the brain, well if you think about it, all ANY CHICK WEARS is that shit. Ohhh yes they shall protest - "Ummmm actually I only go to those stores like, maybe twice a month, because they're expensive. I buy bargain. I love sales. And like, I'm unique too and all that shit. Like, look at this ring I got at Forever XXI - it looks old. Like, pirate age old. So I'm pretty much a pirate and that's what my style emulates. I would describe my style as edgy pirate vintage with a kick of girly on the side, but like for comfort or whatever I shop at all the above stores because they're cute :-) hehe"

Well, protest they may, it's all anyone ever wears and it's actually sort of sickening because going into those stores you just see the same oh two hundred shirts or so that like EVERY FEMALE IN EXISTENCE WEARSa and it's like, yeah ooh nice pretty shirt with big pink hibiscus flowers on it,

Haha those are 100% not hibiscus. I think.

I didn't realize you were playing match up twinsie day with A THOUSAND OTHER GIRLS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

Elphie the elephant says the evening breeze feels marvelous on her toes and I'm inclined to agree!! Oh yeah and listen to this song!!

It's an absolute necessity. I'll be off now. 

p.s. I don't want to sound as if there's something wrong or bad about shopping at these stores, but I think it'd just be cool if people...cared more about being different. Because I don't think that really that many people like that exact style choice - there's a lot more originality that's being hidden and I think that's sad.

Goodnight by Zox

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C6gZ9LGkZc&feature=related

Go fucking listen to it right the fuck now.

I'm gonna listen to it again so I can tell you guys about it. Well just wait patiently for the song to start...not that it's a wait for you people because you're reading this and well...we've been over this before. 

It's weird too because I never pictured the singer looking like that...but okay! I can handle it! Seriously though, picture that voice before you look at the video and see who's singing...did you picture that at all?! If you did, kudos.

Kudos.

So anyway this song...it just has a "tomorrow hello to the sun, are you ready here I come!!!" (sorry, I just typed what I heard in the song. But that's an awesome line. A kudos line, if you will. Kudos and a kudos bar. KKB. Uber compliment  - start using that everyone!!!)

Ya with me?! You all still with me?! 

Wait before I continue, I have to admit that I've wanted to type "y'all" like at least four times in this post so far but I keep refraining because I don't want to sound like a redneck but it's actually a really great term...it's casual and includes everyone! But whatever.

Anyway, yeah listen to that song!!! Oh my god I just had a mother fucking BRAIN BLAST YOU GUYS!!!! A FUCKING BRAIN BLAST!!!! BEAR WITH ME!!!!!!! 

I've been tempted to do this for a while....to set my status as "Truuth isss :-)" or a more authentic "truth is" to see just who likes it and then not answer any of them and comment on it "haha, fuckers". But I haven't for a few reasons.

1.) I don't want people I actually care about who I'm friends with to think that I am being for realzsies because "truth is" statuses are the worst thing since the American Federal Banking institution or whatever (watch me be on a terrorist list now. :X)

2.) How embarrassing would it be if like two people liked it??? Or worse....no one likes it?????

SO EMBAR'!!!

So here's what I'm thinking......my readers deserve to be IN on this secret. If you're my facebook friend, I wanna know if you would support me in doing this!!! I'm going to make a poll for you to vote on that I BEG you participate in. Okay I made it and that took forever but you obviously have no idea and I think it makes sense. Hopefully.

Please go vote. Anyway, I'm letting you guys in on the secret because I'm pretty sure only people I genuinely care about like this blog and read it frequently enough to notice new posts, and anyone who does that is automatically someone I genuinely care about anyway. And I want to let you guys know because you're the ones I don't want taking me seriously - I don't care if any other dumbasses take me seriously. Cuz yea- you're a dumbass if you don't read this blog. And I can say that because anyone who reads that isn't a dumbass cuz they're READING IT, so NO ONE is offended!! Beat the system folks! BEAT THE SYSTEM!!!

Omg I'm really thirsty and I think my finger hurts. So I'll go now. But I'll miss you and you'll miss me. Alright, bye!!!!

  

BATHROOM FIASCO (Evan) So there I was in the bathroom

chilling in my underwear, smoking and jamming out to "Time to Pretend" on my iPod when I decide that I'm ready to leave the bathroom. So I pull down the curtain so that the window curtain is shut all the way (it was open about three inches to blow smelly air out). But then I as I was leaving, I thought "No I should actually leave it open so that it airs out more."

So there I go. I yank the curtain a little to make it go up, and it COLLAPSES.

It was terrifying. I was like "REALLY OH MY GOD REALLY THE CURTAIN FALLS DOWN AT A TIME LIKE THIS?"

You really don't understand the consequences yet. There I was, in the bathroom with the light on, in my underwear, with no bathroom shade. And everyone knows that you can see EXTRAORDINARILY WELL into well lit windows during the night. But I couldn't turn the light off, because then I wouldn't be able to see what I was doing. 

And neighbors creep, okay? I do it all the time. SO DO YOU!!!

So I had to crouch down and try to roll the curtain back onto itself and then I had to get up and unroll it to about the length of the window so that I would be blocking it as I put it up. And then as I'm hoisting it up back into its position, I realize I have it backwards so I have to turn THE ENTIRE POLE THING around, which is exhausting because it's like longer than my wingspan so it's awkward to rotate.

  

I'm a pterodactyl you guys. That's me.

Anyway, ya get what I'm saying here? By the time I put it in position and I pull it a little longer, I can tell I did a shit job rolling it back up and it's still really lose and will collapse the moment someone pulls it. And honestly, all I have to say is FUCK YOU to that person! Hahahaha,

Seriously though. You can experience the terror I experienced when that thing just CRASHED TO THE FLOOR. And you will think it was your fault because you won't know what hit you. And watch that person be me but....hopefully it won't be. 

Anyway, I knew I couldn't keep that chaotic story to myself. Thank you for joining me on this roller coaster ride adventure. For a reward, go listen to one, two, or three of these songs depending on whether you think you deserve a bronze, silver, or gold medal respectively.

The Story - Brandi Carlile

Eventually- Zox

Party in the U.S.A - You know who sings this. I'm sorry, I couldn't decide on a third song and I had been searching for so long on my ipod and I was only on the I'S!!!!!! So then this started playing and I was just like "Okay awesome fucking song" so yeah, you know, if you deserve a gold medal then you'll listen to this song. Until then you're only SECOND BEST!!!!

Sucker.

A post on GIRLS (and other things)

The girls will have to wait. The first thing I have to say is that I think a lot of people claim they "hate it" when people ask them who they're texting, so they never do it to others. BULLSHIT!!!! EVERYONE fucking ALWAYS asks everyone who they're texting. Lesson to be learned children: if you go around saying you hate when people do a certain thing, you should probably not run around doing that certain thing to others. Because that makes you suck A LOT.

Alright moving on. To girls. Because I did that one post on boys a long time ago and let's be honest, everyone knows a rant on girls is going to be loads more interesting, so whoever voted for boys on that poll is hereby knighted a dumbass.

So here's my message to girls: stop saying you hate girls. You don't hate girls. YOU'RE a girl. There are millions of funny, charming, intelligent, fierce, beautiful girls out there. They're just massively outnumbered by all the PABs. (Pugly [and Pugly is in itself a combination of pug-faced and ugly] Ass Biddies, for those who don't know)

By sharing your "I hate girls" logic with others, you're only perpetuating the problem. Girls have created this competition amongst themselves to promote themselves as much as they can while simultaneously lowering the status of other girls. It's all about attention. Think about it. Everyone hates that ugly loud dumb slut (ULDS?) who every guy can't seem to get enough of. Where do we go from here? We quietly (or maybe loudly, if you're obnoxious) declare our hatred for the girl. Everyone knows and/or is a girl like this. Their presence is so loud that it actually seems like there are way more than actually exist.

Girls don't say they hate girls when they're 9 years old. Girls don't hate girls when they're 12. It begins to get strong at about 16 years old and just gets stronger. What changes? Guys enter the equation, and when you put guys in the equation, SOME (read: not all) girls turn into attention seeking whores. It's nature's way of perpetuating the species. When this new breed of girls enters the mix, the old breed is like "Oh my God no", retracting any and all willingness (eventually) to bother to get to know girls, cuz they're just "all the same".

Just a pretty picture to lighten the mood.

Here's the idea: stop promoting competition by declaring a hatred of girls. Embrace how strong and powerful a true woman is and erase the idea of these fake attempts at one. Understand the concept that yeah, some girls do suck a FUCKING LOT, but so do some guys too. So start speaking the truth and say you hate people, because we all know that 65% of the rest of the world sucks, but that 35%ish other part deserves to hear you say positive things, not "Wehh I hate girls wehh"

See ya latah gatahs


---P.S. I like when girls angle their pictures so that it looks like their boobs are going to eat their throat. That's really nice ladies.

Just a little somethin REAL QUICK.

I never realized how spectacular remotes are with power buttons on the bottom. Cuz then you can just grab it and hit "on".

And Carly just ruined the flow by running up the stairs behind me and going "You Clusterfucking?"

Everyone who loves me - comment on this post saying "CARLY YOU SUCK!"

Several announcements to make - please gather a snack now.

Well why not start with a little anecdote just for old time's sake? I heard my dad coming up the stairs just now and I panicked a little - after all we've been caught twice since the cat's been out of the bag (Have no idea what I'm talking about?! We're so far behind! Don't worry we'll catch up). Sooooo then I went to pause the music but the music was on my computer and I hit play on my ipod, which starts playing full blast, so then I mute my computer and then I just went back and forth between those two for a while before I figured out what the FUCK I was doing.

Anyway, glad to see I can still write 2 (3?) weeks out of school but I still get just as easily distracted by music (Starry Eyed Surprise by Shifty?! Who knew!!)

Okay....so...here's what's been up.

The "cat" or should i say, catnip, has been let out of the "bag" and my parents are both aware of the Wittman Daughter Shenanigans (Or WDS) aaaaaaand the consequences - somewhere between zero and negative zero.

Glad I can still do math too!!!

Okay and anyway since the secret's been out, we've been caught um two separate times? By my dad, at least. I don't even care getting into explaining it because the gist of it now is that both my parents are aware, and they know I'm not gonna stop, and they're cool with it. 

Wait no actually back up. The gist of it now is that it's okay to be high, but it's NOT okay to smoke. In my house. At anyone's house. Anywhere. So I....don't. Obviously.......

Hahhhhhhh I am so full of good laughs today. Anyway there is more news!

First of all (well second if you count the story but I don't count it, so it's still first. Keep up.) I'm still alive. You know, for those of you who only saw me in school or for those of you who don't know me personally or ever see me. How would you people know I'm still alive if it weren't for this blog?! So, I continue it for you.

B of all (heh), we reached 2,000 views ladies and gentlemen!!! Reached and surpassed, if you don't mind my saying. Sorry I didn't do a post right when it happened, but what better day to celebrate than THE FOURTH OF JULY.

OH WAIT IT'S THE FOURTH OF JULY?

YOU MEAN SUMMERTIME YOU MEAN LIKE ALL THAT STUFF YOU TALKED ABOUT IN THIS VERY BLOG JUST A FEW POSTS AGO?

WAIT REALLY?

If any of those thoughts crossed your mind, settle down. ACTUALLY DON'T SETTLE DOWN. IT'S OUR NATION'S BIRTHDAY AND SCHOOL'S BEEN OUT FOR WEEKS AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE FOR MANY MORE!!!!!

In the words of one of last night's Pirate's Cove customers, "HOOOORAH!!"

Anyway, news number three. I like announcing comments to my readers for several reasons. 

1.] they make me soooooo excited I just want to share

2.] Mentioning them encourages you buggers...hopefully.

3] You'd probably all miss them all without my philanthropy

This is the comment I'm preparing you all for:

HAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YESSS!!!!! I was a bit worried about that post (if you don't know what I'm talking about then you shouldn't even be reading this parentheses until you finish that post, titled "I almost just had an oopsie...") because you know, I'm a bit vicious in it. So THANK YOU for rooting for me, Anonymous! *Free game at Pirate's Cove for you!!!

Well, that's all folks. Summer time is a time for relaxing with people I like outside, so I don't really feel the need to vent about people I hate on the computer. That's for the school year. Not that I'm taking a break - Becca doesn't take breaks from NUTHIN'. But I'm just giving you guys a heads up.

Okay, enjoy your Independence Day little buggers! Smile at a stranger today!

*Free Game not guaranteed